Shades of Grace
by L.H. Knox
Summary: Grey is adopted by the Berrys. Rachel doesn't want a 16 year old little sister. She doesn't want anybody to know, so naturally, everyone finds out. Woops. This follows Grey, her trying to fit in with her family and friends and falling for Santana Lopez.
1. Chapter One

Chapter One:

Grey had found the room with surprising ease- it was her first day, and she didn't know where anything was. She stood in the doorway of the room, and gasped. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the guitars- they were _beautiful_- and then to the black piano. She noticed a man standing at the piano, looking through a pile of papers. His muscular chest was covered with a button down shirt and a vest. He had short curls on the top of his head, and you could see dimples in his cheeks, even though he wasn't smiling. Grey knocked on the door, and the man looked up.

"Can I help you?" He asked.  
>"Yes, please. I'm looking for Finn Hudson, I have some papers for him."<br>"Finn will be here soon. Anything I can help you with?"  
>"Thanks, but no. I'm under strict instructions to give them to Finn and Finn only." The man smiled at Grey.<br>"You can wait for him here," the man said, "He'll be here soon. I'll be right back; I forgot to photocopy this sheet." The man started towards the door."  
>"One second, Mr...?" Grey called.<br>"Schuester. I teach Spanish and run Glee Club."  
>"Mr Schuester. Is there any chance I can play some guitar while you're gone? I haven't played in ages."<br>"You play?"  
>"Not very well," she admitted.<br>"Go right ahead," he said, "I'll run and photocopy these pages before class. I'll be back soon."

Mr Schuester left, and Grey picked up one of the guitars, and put her arm through the strap. She paused for a moment. The last time she'd played had been at Rylan's funeral, and she took a deep breath before beginning. She began to pluck the strings, and a melody formed. A few chords were added, and it soon turned into a song. "_See the pyramids along the Nile. Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle. Just remember, Darling, all the while, you belong to me..._" She sang the song in its entirety, and chuckled to herself when she finished.  
>"It's been a while," she said to herself.<br>"My. God," said a voice.

Grey jumped, and whizzed around. She hadn't been expecting anyone to walk in, and the three people standing there had scared the bejeezus out of her. More than that, she hated singing and playing the guitar in front of others- Grey's music was for her and her only._  
><em>"I-I'm so sorry," she stuttered, "I didn't mean for anyone to hear me, and you guys have a lesson. I'll go-"  
>"Hold on a second," the voice said again.<p>

This time, Grey could see its owner. She was a bit taller than Grey, with a Cheerio's uniform on. Her brunette hair was in a high ponytail, and, well, she was beautiful. "I don't give compliments often. When I speak, it's usually to insult."  
>"I can verify that," one of the others interjected.<br>"Finn, shut your lard. But what I'm saying is... Well, damn. That was some pretty okay singing."  
>"Santana, that was the worst compliment ever," said Finn, and Santana shrugged. He turned to Grey. "That was amazing. You're really talented. And well, we're looking for new Glee Club members. You should think about joining."<br>Grey froze. She remembered the clear instructions she was given before she left home. _Do not, under any circumstances, I repeat, do not. Join. Glee Club._  
>"Uh, I can't. Sorry, I already have a full plate. You're Finn, right? Here." She stuffed some papers into his hand. "This is from Rachel. She's sick, and can't come in, but she wanted you guys to do these songs for sectionals."<br>"That sounds like Rachel, the control freak," said the last person. He had pale skin, and his hair was held back with a headband. "I'm Kurt Hummel, best friend of Rachel Berry. She's sick, you say?"  
>"Yeah, she said she would call you if she could, but she's not allowed to speak."<br>"Poor thing, does she have tonsillitis again?" asked Kurt  
>"Uh, no. But our, I mean, <em>her <em>dads are sick of all the requests she has. She's got mono, so she'll be out of school for a while."  
>"Mono? Maybe I should get checked," Finn said, "Nah, I should be fine. Rachel hasn't kissed me since I accidentally broke her bedazzled microphone." He stood there, staring into space for a second.<br>"Anyway," Santana said, "How do you know The Dwarf?"  
>"We're, uh, neighbours. I moved in recently," Grey answered. She was panicking. These were too many questions, and if she answered wrong, then Rachel would kill her.<br>"Um, I should get going. I don't want to be late." Grey picked her bag off of the floor, and headed towards the door. Finn called out after her.  
>"Give Glee Club some thought, New Kid!"<p>

Grey raced home as soon as school was over. She tried to sneak in and avoid her sister, but Rachel was there waiting for her.  
>"I got an SMS from Finn today, asking how my mono is," Rachel sneered, "What else did you tell him?"<br>"Nothing!" replied Grey, "I gave him the sheets, and told them we were neighbours. They know nothing."  
>"They better not," threatened Rachel, "Because I swear I will make your life a living hell." She bounced up the stairs, leaving Grey gobsmacked in the living room.<br>"I thought having a family was supposed to be a good thing," Grey muttered. Her mind wandered to when she first met Mr and Mr Berry...

_Leroy and Hiram introduced themselves to Gayle, who ran the home. They began to meet all the children, the youngest ones newborns and the eldest nearly teenagers. After an hour, the men turned to Gayle.  
>"Are these all the children?" Leroy asked.<br>"Well, there's one more, upstairs. She's older than the other children; she's sixteen. Been with us since she was five. Poor thing, her parents died in a car crash, and she's just never connected to a family."  
>Leroy looked at his husband, who had a gleam in his eye.<br>"Is there any chance we can meet her?" Hiram asked.  
>"I'm not sure," Gayle said, "She's had a tough year, with her best friend dying and everything. She's commanded me not to let any potential parents meet her."<br>Hiram only had to say one word, his expression said the rest.  
>"Please?"<br>Gayle led the couple up the stairs, and knocked on one of the first doors. Someone pulled it open, and as soon as he saw her, Hiram knew that she was going to be their daughter. He squeezed Leroy's hand. The girl was tall, with hair that was almost black. Her skin was pale, and her big eyes were a soft grey/blue. She took the white headphones from her ears when she saw the adults standing there.  
>"Gracie, this is Mr and Mr Berry. They wanted to meet you." Gayle turned to the men. "I'll leave you three alone." Once she had left, Grey invited the men into her room. She offered them a seat on the bed next to hers.<br>"So, you're Gracie?" Leroy asked, attempting conversation.  
>"Actually, it's just Grace. But call me Grey. Gayle's known me since I was five, and still calls me Gracie. She also thinks that my favourite band is The Wiggles."<br>"So who's your actual favourite band?" Hiram asked, trying to start a conversation.  
>"Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons." Leroy and Hiram stared at Grey like she'd just spoken a different language.<br>"... What?" she asked, ready to act defensive, "I like it old school." Leroy burst into laughter, while his husband still looked shocked.  
>"Well, damn girl. I don't think anyone was expecting that." The three of them sat talking for the next few hours, about everything. They spoke of likes and dislikes, music, movies, actors, you name it. Leroy looked at his watch.<br>"Goodness," he said, "We better get going." He gave Hiram a look, and Hiram winked at him; they were both thinking the same thing.  
>"Grey, we want you to be our daughter," Hiram said. Grey stared at them both, with her best poker face.<br>"Why?" she whispered, "why me? Go and take one of the babies. They're not damaged. They're not moody and teenaged. They still have a chance to be normal."  
>Hiram stood from the bed, and sat back down next to Grey.<br>"Everyone deserves a second chance, Grey, even if they don't think so. We want to be your family. We want to be your parents. We want our daughter to be your sister."  
>"Y-You have a daughter?"<br>"Yes," replied Leroy, "And she's going to love you."_

How very wrong he was, thought Grey. Rachel didn't love Grey, she despised her. She wanted her to stay out of her life. No telling anyone, no introductions to friends. Grey was nothing to Rachel. And she hated it.


	2. Chapter Two

_**DISCLAIMER**__**: I do not own and did not create the world of Glee. It belongs to Fox and Ryan Murphy. I did, however, come up with the character of Grey.  
>Also, <strong>__**any song lyrics used are not mine, unless otherwise stated**__**.**_

Grey was sitting on her bed. Music blasted through her headphones, and she mouthed the words as she finished her essay. She had been with the Berry's for 2 months now, and Rachel hadn't told her friends. Grey felt like she was being forced into hiding by her older sister, and she didn't like it. And she would never call Rachel out on how she was acting. Grey had a strategy: _stay quiet_. _Be nice. Act like a sister, and maybe you'll become one. _She avoided Finn, Santana and Kurt in the hallways, because she didn't want Rachel knowing they had heard her sing.  
>"Grey." A voice broke Grey's train of thought. She glanced up to see who had entered the room.<br>"Yes, Rachel?" she asked.  
>"Why were <em>these <em>in my room?" Rachel held out a plate of cookies, but made a face that suggested said cookies were made with acid.  
>"I made them and thought you might like some. It says so right on the note you're holding." Rachel looked at the cookies again, trying to come up with a counter-argument.<br>"Well, I can't have these cookies. I'm a vegan. Cookies are made with eggs," Rachel said. She looked pleased with the point she had raised.  
>"Yes, Rachel. I know you're vegan. I found a recipe for vegan cookies on the internet, and made it. Just for you." Rachel averted her glare from Grey.<br>"Rachel, there's nothing wrong with the cookies," Grey sighed, "I was just trying to act like a sister."  
>"Well don't. It's creepy."<p>

"Hey, New Girl, wait up!" Grey whirled around and saw Santana running after her. She gave Grey a smile, and Grey felt herself blush.  
>"Hi, Santana," Grey smiled, "What's new with you?"<br>"Not much. Look, I know for some weird reason you're not joining Glee club, but do you want to go and grab lunch together?" Grey hesitated. She didn't know whether to trust Santana or not- according to the school's grapevine, Santana had a nasty streak. But she was standing there, offering what could be the start of a friendship.  
>"Yeah, lunch sounds fun."<p>

They lunched together for the rest of the week. They talked about generic things- likes and dislikes. The works. Grey finally felt like she had a friend.  
>"Grey, you're smart, right?" Santana asked one day.<br>"Uh, some might say that, yes. Why?"  
>"Can you help me study for a bio quiz? Haven't been really getting my study on lately, I've been too busy hanging out with Brittany."<br>"Huh, so you guys are best friends?" Grey asked.  
>"Grey..." Santana smiled. She was used to everyone knowing about her and Brittany's relationship. "Brittany is my girlfriend."<br>"Oh!" exclaimed Grey, her face turning red in an instant, "Well good for you. Good for you!"  
>"Thank you?" the cheerleader replied. They ate in silence.<br>"So how did you meet Berry?" Santana asked Grey after a while.  
>Grey hesitated before speaking. She needed to tell someone about her and Rachel, but Rachel didn't want anyone to know. She decided that she could trust Santana.<br>"Santana, if I told you something, could you keep it a secret?" Grey asked.  
>"Sure, I wouldn't tell."<br>"No, I mean _no-one. _Not a soul. Not Brittany, or your parents, or any one you know."  
>Santana chuckled. "Grey, I won't tell anyone. I'm not <em>that<em> big a gossip whore."  
>Grey took a deep breath. She needed someone to know her secret.<br>"What? What is it?" Santana asked, "Is Rachel your secret lover?"  
>"No... Rachel's my... My sister."<br>Santana's expression was that of pure shock.  
>"Wait. You're Man Hand's <em>sister<em>?" Her voice had risen several octaves.  
>"If by Man Hands you mean Rachel, then yes. But San, no-one's supposed to know."<br>"But h-how is that possible? How did this happen?"  
>"Her, I mean, <em>our <em>dads adopted me." Grey launched into the story of how she first met Hiram and Leroy, and then her first meeting with Rachel.

"_Rachel," Hiram called, "Come here. We have someone we're introducing you to."  
>"IS IT MY SISTER?" a high voice screamed out. The voice's owner thumped loudly down the stairs<em>. _Grey saw her as she walked into the room. Her long hair fell over her shoulders, and her red headband stood out against its dark colour. She was short- much shorter than Grey- and dressed in a smart outfit. She looked like she was made to be a performer. Her brown eyes were narrowed, and her brows bunched together in confusion.  
>"Who's this?" she asked, looking back and forth at her fathers.<br>"This," Leroy said, "is Grey, your sister." Rachel's lips formed a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.  
>"Oh, of course." Rachel pulled Grey into a hug. "It's so nice to finally meet you, Grey. I've always wanted a sibling."<br>"We'll let you two get more acquainted," Leroy smiled, and both he and his husband left the room. As soon as they did, Rachel's eyes narrowed.  
>"Look here," she whispered at Grey, "I'm the star of this family. Me. I've always wanted a sibling, since I was a little girl, but when my fathers started discussing it I realised, I want to be the <em>only _apple of their eyes. This is my family, and as far as I'm concerned, you are merely a guest in this house. Got it?"  
>"Got it," Grey whispered back. Rachel smiled, and spoke again, this time louder so her parents could hear.<br>"We're gonna be best friends!" she turned around, and walked up the stairs._

_Grey felt her stomach drop, and all of a sudden, it was hard to breathe. She made her way into the bathroom, and collapsed in a heap. Short, shallow breaths escaped her- barely audible- and tears formed in her eyes.  
>"Keep your chin up," she quoted, "someday there will be happiness again." It was from Disney's Robin Hood, and it was what her mother used to say to her during hard times. Grey repeated the mantra a few times before standing up and facing the next wait for happiness she had to endure. <em>

"Wow," Santana said, "The Dwarf, a big sister. Sharing the attention. She must be crapping herself by now."  
>"Yeah, she's shitting herself left, right and centre," Grey said, slightly sarcastic, "But Santana, you can't tell anyone. She'll murder me. Or make me sit through Yentl. Again. Do the words 'cruel and unusual punishment' mean <em>anything<em> to you?"  
>"Don't worry, Other Rachel-"Grey scowled at Santana- "Don't worry your pretty little Berry head about it. Your secret's safe with me."<p>

"Guys, I have big, big news. Like, bigger than Berry's nose," Santana said that afternoon, at the beginning of Glee Club. Rachel was still home with mono, and Mr Shue wasn't there yet. The rest of the group was there.  
>"Santana, lay off Rachel, okay?" Finn said, "No-one wants to hear you gossip when you're being mean."<br>Kurt raised his hand. "Well, I kind of do."  
>"Just tell us, Santana," Tina said, rolling her eyes.<br>"Okay. Ladies, gentlemen... Finn. Rachel Berry is a big sister."  
>"What do you mean?" Sam asked.<br>"What do you think I mean, Trouty Mouth? She's an elder female sibling to a younger female sibling." The group all started talking loudly at once, not knowing whether to believe Santana or not. But they knew it was probably true- Santana may be a bitch, but she sure takes her gossip seriously.  
>"What?" Blaine exclaimed, "Her parents adopted a baby? Why didn't she tell us? We should get them a gift basket or something." Kurt nodded in agreement.<br>"No, no," Santana continued, "They didn't adopt a baby. She's _sixteen_. Her name's Grey. And we've met her."  
>"Wait a second," said Kurt, a light bulb going off in his head, "The girl who could sing! The one we walked in on, and knew Rachel!"<br>"And bingo was his name-o." Santana smiled a devilish smile.  
>"I thought you said her name was Grey," Brittany said quietly. The room was quiet for a moment. Everyone was letting the news sink in that Rachel had kept such a big secret from all of them. Suddenly, Kurt gasped. "That's why she didn't join!"<br>The group all turned, confused, and looked at Kurt, waiting for him to continue.  
>"I'd bet my Burberry coat that Rachel told her not to join Glee Club. I mean, this <em>is <em>Rachel's domain."  
>"That Streisand loving, cardigan wearing, dwarf sized bitch! If we had Grey's voice in the group we would <em>dominate <em>Sectionals!" Santana near screamed.  
>"Wow," Sam said, "This kid must be good."<br>"Whatever do you mean, Guppy Lips?"  
>"Well, you and Kurt BOTH want her in. This girl must be gold."<br>"You didn't hear her, Sam," Kurt said, talking fast, "She was... Thought stopping. Unbelievable. Like, Rachel good."  
>"Then we'd better recruit her," Mike said fervently.<br>"It's not gonna happen," Puck sighed, "If Rachel doesn't want her it's not going to work, and this group is going to go balls up again."  
>"Guys, it's not like Rachel's gonna give up Glee Club or refuse to sing- this is The Hobbit we're talking about. She can't do anything if we all want Grey in the club." Santana folded her arms, with a smug grin on her face. She knew she had won the argument. She turned to Finn who nodded.<br>"Okay, then, it's settled. We're getting Grey to join the Glee Club."


	3. Chapter Three

Santana pulled Grey by the arm and led her down the hallway.  
>"Santana, where are we going?" she asked for the thousandth time.<br>"My god, Little Berry, if you ask me that once more, I will go Lima Heights Adjacent on your ass." Grey couldn't see where she was going- Santana had tied an unidentified cloth over her eyes. The duo rounded a corner, and walked into a room, where Santana pulled off the cloth. Grey's eyes adjusted to the light, and she saw the Glee Club standing in front of her.  
>"Umm... Hi," she said, somewhat lamely.<br>"Listen, Little Berry," Santana said, "They know that your Rachel's sister, and we know she doesn't want you in the Club. But you're joining whether you like it or not. Comprendéis?"  
>"Wait-"<br>"-We're not taking no for an answer, okay?" said one of the male members who she had never met before. He was holding hands with Kurt.  
>"But-"<br>"We really want you in the club!" said another boy she had never met; he wore thick glasses and sat in a wheelchair.  
>"Santana, you said you wouldn't tell anyone!" Grey said, exasperatedly.<br>"I'm sorry, Grey," Santana apologised, "But this gossip was bigger than that time Tina faked a lisp!"  
>"And the time Santana got a boob job," a small Asian girl said.<br>"Shut it, Chang."  
>"Santana, that's not the point. I don't care how big the gossip was, I asked you not to and you told everyone anyway!"<br>"That's just how I roll, Little Berry."  
>"San, you don't understand! Rachel will murder me in my sleep."<br>"Why am I murdering you?" said Rachel, standing in the door way- she had just arrived.  
>"Um... Uh... No reason. Just, you know, unprovoked murder for funsies." The group looked awkwardly from one another. The tension in the room was tangible, and everyone was waiting for someone else to say something. Finn hesitated before he spoke.<br>"Rach, we know she's your sister." Rachel's features contorted into that of rage.  
>"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU," she screamed, lunging for Grey. Finn fastened his hands around her waist, and held her back as she flailed. The rest of the room was in a state of panic- everyone had jumped at Rachel's outburst, and now they tried to stand between the two sisters and avoid a brawl.<br>"Rachel, we don't understand why you care so much, none of us do!" Kurt said earnestly.  
>"<em>I <em>care," she shrieked, "I don't want a little sister. I had no choice in any of this!"  
>"What are you on about," Finn said, "You've always wanted a sibling. Remember the song you wrote?"<br>"Yeah, but I wanted a _new _sibling, not a sixteen year old, second hand one with more baggage than an airport!" The room went silent again. Everyone stared at Rachel with a look of disgust in their eyes.  
>"I... I can't believe you <em>said <em>that, Rachel!" said the boy in the wheelchair.  
>"No, it's fine. Really, it is. Rachel, I won't try to be your sister anymore. And, as my first official act of not being Rachel Berry's little sister, I'm joining Glee Club." The group whooped at Grey's words. Rachel, however, stared at her sister, daggers in her eyes.<br>"But. I. Told. You. Not. To," she said, pausing between each word for emphasis.  
>"Yeah, you did, and I respected that, trying to be sister-like. Seeing as that's out the fucking window, I'm joining the damn club," Grey said. Santana laughed, and hi-fived her new friend. At that moment, a diversion turned up, in the form of Mr Shue.<br>"Hey, guys," he said, oblivious to the harsh moment he was interrupting, "What's happening?"  
>"Mr Shue," Kurt said with a grin, "Grey here is joining Glee club!"<br>"Wow, okay! Welcome, Grey!"  
>"It gets better, Mr Shue!" Santana said, enthusiastically, "She doesn't like solos, so she'll happily sing back up!"<br>"Uhh... Great?" Mr Shue answered, "But that's really up to Grey and myself, Santana."  
>"Mr Shue, if I may?" Rachel interrupted, "Rules are that new members need to audition before joining the glee club." Grey cursed inwardly. She didn't want to have to sing to a group again; she didn't even know that Santana, Kurt and Finn were there last time.<br>"But Mr Shue, Finn, Santana and I heard her already!" Kurt said.  
>"And the rest of us are just dying to," Rachel said with a fake smile.<br>"Grey, do you have anything up your sleeve?" Mr Shue asked. Grey took a breath, and looked defiantly at Rachel when she spoke.  
>"I do, Mr Shue, but I need the auditorium. Can I perform tomorrow?"<p>

* * *

><p>"So... You ready?" Santana asked, "got something good?"<br>"I got something big," Grey replied.  
>"Okay. Big can be good, if you can pull it off."<br>"Can I pull it off?"  
>"Without a doubt, Little B. Good luck." Santana joined the audience, and Grey sauntered over to the middle of the stage. She stared, into the nothingness that came with the spotlight, and cleared her throat. She waited for the starting chords of the band.<p>

_"Glamorous indie rock and roll is what I want. It's in my soul, it's what I need. Indie rock and roll it's time..." _Grey kept singing. She let the lyrics consume her thoughts, and the accompaniment devour her emotions. She kept still on the stage, until it came to the chorus.

_"It's indie rock and roll for me. Indie rock and roll for me. It's all I need..." _She heard a cheer from an audience member- or was it boo? Grey just kept going, ploughing through the whole song, feeling pride when she hit the harder notes. She danced- or tried to dance- around the stage, acting flirty with the bass player, and head-banging with the lead guitarist. When the final chord played, she was aware of the cheering from the audience before her. Mr Shue bounded up the stairs to shake her hand.  
>"Welcome to Glee Club!" All of a sudden, Santana was by her side, hi-fiving her, and there were people all around, giving their congratulations. Only Rachel remained in the stands, arms crossed, possibly plotting her revenge. But even Rachel couldn't damper her good mood. For the first time in a long time, Grey was performing again. She had people in her life who actually wanted her. Did it matter that Rachel didn't want her in her life? That her sister despised her? <em>Yes, <em>Grey thought, _Of course she matters. Hers is the only approval that matters._

* * *

><p>"Alright, guys," Mr Schuester said, walking into the choir room, " I've got an assignment for this week. Are you ready?" The students slapped their hands against their thighs, imitating a drum roll. Everyone looked eager for the announcement.<br>"The New Directions annual Duet Competition!" The kids whooped, cheered and hi-fived each other. "This year's prize," Mr Shue continued, "is a gift voucher for Breadstix!" Mr Shue clearly knew his audience well, as this news got the club even more excited. "There are a few changes to the rules this year. I'm choosing your duet partners. No switching, no complaining." The students let out a collective sigh.  
>"Alright," Mr Shue said, reading from a piece of paper, "Santana, you're with Artie." Artie looked intimidated by Santana, and Grey chuckled silently.<br>"Tina, you're singing with Quinn." Quinn and Tina smiled at each other. Grey's heart was beating a thousand miles an hour. _Please, _she thought, _Don't pair us, don't pair us._  
>"Rachel," Mr Shue said slowly, "You are with-" <em>Please don't say it, please, please, please.<em> "-Grey." _Well damnit._ Grey snuck a peek at Rachel, who looked like she had just found out the worst possible news. They both started speaking at the same time.  
>"This isn't a good idea."<br>"This isn't going to happen." Mr Shue just held up a finger, silencing them.  
>"No arguing." <em>Great, <em>Grey thought, _this is going to make her like me_. Mr Schuester paired the others up, but the fun atmosphere had been lost after he paired the Berry sisters together.

* * *

><p>Grey knocked on Rachel's bedroom door.<br>"Enter."  
>"Rachel?" Grey said, walking into the room, "I have an idea for our duet."<br>"That's nice, but I've already chosen the song we'll be doing, okay?" Grey stared at her sister, her frustration rising.  
>"But I've got a song, too. I think it'll work really well."<br>"I saved you the trouble of having to do anything, so you're welcome."  
>"But I want to do my song."<br>"You don't have a song. We're singing my song, end of story." Grey was reaching boiling point.  
>"Can we at least rehearse both and decide which sounds better?" Grey asked.<br>"Ugh, fine. But as the true star of our performance I'll be making the final decision." Grey just rolled her eyes.  
>"Which song have you chosen?" Grey asked.<br>"A Barbra one, of course, straight from her famous 'Duets' album."  
>"Barbra? Really? I was hoping we could do something more upbeat... And, well, not Barbra."<br>"So what exactly did you have in mind?"  
>"I was thinking of a song by We The Kings. It's a duet with Demi Lovato, and I think it'd suit our voices really-"<br>"You want me to do _what?_ No way."  
>"Well I'm not doing Barbra. Not after Yentl."<br>"Hey! That is a respected, good hearted movie!" Both girls' voices had risen to a scream.  
>"Making me analyse it with you three times kind of ruins that."<br>"It's not my fault that you're uncultured!"  
>"And it's not my fault you're a control-freak bitch!"<br>"We're doing Barbra!"  
>"We're doing my song!"<br>"Either we're doing Barbra or we're not doing anything!"  
>"Then YOU tell Mr Schuester that YOU wouldn't let me have any say in the matter!"<br>"This argument is petty."  
>"THEN DO MY SONG."<br>"Ugh." Grey walked out of the room, and slammed the door on her way out. She couldn't help but smile to herself. That had been their first sister-like fight.  
><em>Small steps, I guess. Small steps.<em>

* * *

><p>Santana and Artie finished their song, and their peers applauded. The pair hi-fived, and went to sit down. Grey saw Santana sit beside Brittany and they locked pinkies. For some reason, Grey found this very off-putting.<br>"Alright," Mr Shue said, still clapping, even though everyone else had stopped, "Grey and Rachel, you're up. Grace us with your talent."  
>"Well, uh, you see, Mr Shue," Grey stammered, "We don't have a fully organised number yet.<br>"And why not?"  
>"Creative differences?" the girl said, "We couldn't decide on a song. It was between Rachel's Barbra song, and my better one." Rachel shot Grey a look. <em>If looks could kill, do it now,<em> Grey thought, _so I don't have to be caught in this mess._  
>"Then I will make the decision for you," Mr Shue said. "You will sing Grey's song. Now." Grey cheered internally, happy that she had won the battle. The girls stood in front of their audience, and waited for the music to start.<br>"_Do you remember the nights we'd stay up just laughing, smiling for hours at anything..." _the song progressed.  
>"<em>When the lights go out, we'll be safe and sound. We'll take control of the world like it's all we have to hold onto, and we'll be... A dream."<em>  
>The girls sang the rest of song together, and Grey was right. It suited their voices perfectly, like it was written for them to sing. When they had finished, the group was silent. They just stared at the girls<br>"No-one has a chance of beating us this year," Kurt said excitedly, "Not if we have that in our arsenal." Everyone was grinning madly at them, and at the end of the week, no-one was surprised when they were handed a gift certificate to Breadstix.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Rach," Finn said, giving his girlfriend a kiss on the cheek. They were at the Lima Bean, and Finn sat down opposite Rachel.<br>"Finn, I need to know something," Rachel announced dramatically. Finn suppresses a sigh. His girlfriend could be high maintenance some of the time.  
>"Yeah, babe, shoot."<br>"Do you love me?" Finn chuckled at the question.  
>"Rach, of course I do! Look at all we've been through together!"<br>"Then why did you want Grey in the Glee Club?" Finn sighed at his girlfriend.  
>"Believe me, Rachel. I love you so, so much, but sometimes things just aren't about you. This is about the whole group and us winning sectionals. This is about Grey being a great singer, not you being a bad one! You guys killed it together!"<br>"But Finn," she continued, "the dynamic of the whole group could be ruined! Ruined!"  
>"The group will stay the same! It's up to us whether it changes or not." Finn half smiled to himself. <em>Wow, <em>he thought, _that actually sounded pretty smart. _  
>"I just... She's more likeable than me, Finn. She made me give the gift certificate to our Dads. She's <em>actually<em> nice. What if the club likes her more than me? What if my parents decide they like her more?"  
>"Your parents would never do that, Rachel. As for the glee club... We're Juniors, and a lot more mature than we used to be. We've all been through so much. You'll never be replaced. I promise." Finn leaned over the table and gave Rachel a quick peck. Rachel hesitated before speaking again.<br>"I don't know how to talk to her," she said softly. "I don't know how to suddenly become a sister- this is all new territory for me."  
>"Well, have you tried to be alone in the same room for more than five minutes? She's easy to talk to," Finn said. He had spent talked to her in the hallways a few times. "Why don't you ask her some questions? Ask about her old friends, her old school. Try to be interested."<p>

* * *

><p>Grey was reading on her bed when Rachel entered the room unannounced. She shut the door behind herself, and flicked her hair over her shoulder.<br>"Uhh... Tell me about your friends," Rachel demanded. Grey gave her a confused smile.  
>"What are you doing?"<br>"I," she said adding too much emphasis on the word, "am attempting to learn more about you. Tell me about your friends... From your old school." Grey swallowed, and felt her cheeks go hot. All of a sudden, her eyes were swimming with tears.  
>"Oh, god," Rachel panicked, "What did I do?"<br>"It's nothing," Grey sniffed, "I, uh, I had one friend. My best friend in the whole world. His name is... _was_... Rylan."  
>" I'm so sorry," Rachel said, patting Grey's arm awkwardly, "What happened to him?"<br>"The same thing that happens to everyone who loves me. He died."  
>"How?" Rachel whispered, not caring about the wounds she was opening in her sister.<br>"He just... Dropped dead on the football field. Heart failure. I never got to say my goodbye." Grey wiped her eyes and continued. "I knew him for 9 years, since I was six, and then he just died. Out of nowhere." The two girls sat in the silence for a few moments, Rachel unable to imagine her sister's pain.  
>"What was he like?" Rachel asked.<br>"Funny. Kind. Genuine. We both loved music- he was an amazing musician. Last month was the first time I'd sung and played a guitar since his funeral..." The two girls sat there longer, talking about lots of things. After talking about Rylan, they kept to lighter topics, like Ryan Seacrest's hair. Rachel got up from the floor when she heard her father calling her down for dinner.  
>"So," Grey said, "is this a truce?"<br>"I think so," Rachel replied, "We don't have to be best friends, but we don't have be enemies. We try."  
>"Deal," Grey smiled.<br>"Just don't steal my solos."


	4. Chapter Four

**DISCLAIMER****: I, unfortunately, do not own Glee or its characters. They belong to Fox and Ryan Murphy. Except Grey, she's my pride and joy.  
><strong>**AUTHOR'S NOTE****: Thanks for the reviews and story alerts, guys. It's only a few of you, but I appreciate that you actually take the time to read my work. So there's a little fluff and cheese in this character, but who doesn't love a little fluff and cheese? The set out is also a tad different, with the whole "Days Before" thing. It's only for this chapter. Also, thank you to my friend TriedToLie, who gave me ideas for Santana's nicknames. She's pretty cool.**

* * *

><p><em>15 Days Before:<em>

Hands appeared from nowhere and covered Grey's eyes. She was ready to scream, but before she had a chance, a familiar voice whispered in her ear.  
>"Did I scare you, Little B?" Santana said into her friend's ear. Grey chuckled.<br>"Only because your hands smell like you've been bathing in peppermint and bacon."  
>"You gots a problem with that?"<br>"Well, first, it ain't Kosher. Second of all, why in the name of all that is holy do your hands smell like peppermint and bacon?" Santana laughed as she took a seat next to her friend.  
>"It's this lotion Britt got me for my birthday. She found this place where you choose your own scents." Grey howled with laughter, forgetting she was in a library. She soon remembered when the librarian whose name she'd forgotten shushed her.<br>"Laugh all you want, kid, but it makes my hands as soft as a baby's ass."  
>"I'm just laughing because apparently nothing says "happy birthday, I love you" quite like peppermint and bacon." Santana punched Grey lightly on the arm. Their friendship was a strange one. No-one really knew how-or why, for that matter- it had happened. It just did. It was an easy friendship, nothing was forced. For Santana, it reminded her of her relationship with Brittany, but of course, Grey hadn't replaced her; Brittany was still her best friend and girlfriend. The loved each other. For Grey, it was as if a part of Rylan had come back into her life- both he and Santana had many similarities.<br>"Grey, when's the last time we did something together?" Santana asked.  
>"Uh, right now? As we speak we are- well, we're pretending to study. And we're about to go to lunch. Speaking of, where's your significant other?"<br>"Britt's got her weekly lunch date with Becky."  
>"That's cool. Anyway, why are we talking about doing stuff together?" Santana sat, and thought how to phrase her thoughts.<br>"My cousin's getting married in a few weeks, and I... Need a date." Grey raised an eyebrow.  
>"... And Brittany's gonna out of town with the 'rents."<br>"There it is," Grey grinned, "I'm your second choice."  
>"But only by that much," Santana said, holding her hands close together to emphasise that Grey had only just came second. Santana flashed Grey one of her killer smiles, the one that made something flutter in the bottom of Grey's stomach. Grey felt her cheeks redden.<br>"So?" Santana asked.  
>"So what?"<br>"Will you come to Nathaniel's wedding with me?"  
>"Is this some kind of evil plan to steal my virtue?" Santana laughed one of her booming laughs, and the flutter in Grey's stomach grew stronger.<br>"I'll go with you," Grey sighed, "but you've got to do something for me too."  
>"And that is?"<br>"You defined this as a date, so a date it is." Santana stared at her friend, confused. "You pick me up from my place. You bring me flowers. You be a gentleman for the whole night, got it?"  
>"Has anyone ever told you that you're a very mean, strange person?"<br>"Yes, yes they have. But do you agree to my conditions?" Santana nodded, and the pair shook hands. Grey smiled and tried to ignore the flutters that still occupied her stomach.

* * *

><p><em>11 Days Before:<em>

"Grey, wait up," Santana called, running to greet her friend. "Listen, what do you think about a sleepover?"  
>"Never invited to one as a kid. Next question."<br>"How would you like to come to my place for a sleepover?"  
>"If I'm the only one attending this sleepover, we give it a different name. Cheating on your girlfriend. And usually you take me on the date before you have me over for the night."<br>"It won't be just you. Tina, Quinn, Kurt, Britt, Mercedes, Rachel, me, and you. All the Glee Girls. And Kurt."  
>"It sounds like a plan, Miss Lopez. On a side note, I really need to give you a nickname. Santana just isn't cutting it for me." Santana scowled, and Grey flashed her a smile.<br>"So when is this for, exactly?"  
>"Tomorrow night. My place. 8pm." Grey gave Santana a little bow.<br>"I shall be there with bells on." Santana chuckled, and shook her head at Grey. _She's a weird kid, _she thought to herself, _but she's still kinda awesome._

* * *

><p><em>10 Days Before:<em>

Grey and Rachel pulled up in front of Santana's house, and Grey heard her sister gasp. She had had the same reaction when she had first seen it.  
>"For all the time Santana spends going on about Lima Heights Adjacent, she seems to be pretty well off," Rachel said. The house was huge and looked like it belonged in an architecture magazine.<br>"Lay off her, Rachel. Her family only came into money a few years back. She had a tough childhood." Rachel rolled her eyes. She knew her sister was friends with Santana, but she found it strange. They had just clicked so easily, and although she resented it, Rachel had started feeling slightly jealous of Santana and how much Grey spoke of her. The sisters walked to the front door, and a maid opened it when they knocked. They were led to a room where the others were waiting; they had been the last ones to arrive. Santana greeted them, and hi-fived Grey. Rachel remained in the doorway, as Grey began to get comfortable amongst their friends.  
>"Come on in, Streisand, I won't bite... Again." Santana laughed as Rachel was reminded of a painful memory from their childhood. She shuddered as she remembered, making Santana laugh harder.<p>

The night was fun. The pounding music, fun energy and alcohol made the night enjoyable. Everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves, even those that had decided to stay sober. There were only three of them that weren't drinking: Kurt, Quinn and Grey.  
>"I do stupid things when I'm drunk" was the answer all three gave when questioned about their sobriety.<br>"Truth or Dare time, bitches!" Tina yelled, as the rest of the group stared, startled. "What? I can swear," she said, hiccupping. The teens roared with laughter, and Santana grinned, evilly.  
>"Okay, Tina. I dare you to flash us your boobs," she said, and the laughter increased when Tina followed through on the dare. The game continued, most people choosing dare and doing things their sober selves would never think of doing. When faced with the infamous question, Grey settled on Truth, not game to go through with whatever they were planning for her.<br>"Okay," Kurt said, "Who are you crushing on?" Grey blushed a deep red, and her friends made an 'ooh'-ing sound.  
>"Next question," she said.<br>"Rules are rules, you gotta tell us!"  
>"Why won't you tell us?" Santana asked, smelling the gossip, "Is he off limits?"<br>"Yes, _she _is," she retorted. Her friends were silent.  
>"You're gay?" a stunned Rachel asked.<br>"Not that it's any of your business, but no. I'm bi." Santana snorted with laughter.  
>"Please," she slurred, "There's no such thing as bi-curious. It's a myth, like vampires or Big Foot. Bi is just an excuse for being super horny!" Grey stared at her friend with cold eyes, and chose her next words carefully.<br>"I thought you'd understand, out of everybody. But if that's what you think, you can go fuck yourself." With that, Grey got up and stormed out of the room. Santana looked down at her lap, ashamed, and Quinn just rolled her eyes and followed Grey.  
>"Nice one, Lopez," Kurt said. Santana looked at him.<br>"You know what? I think you should bring your boyfriend next time and we can give him a makeover. He wears too many bowties. And too much hair gel."  
>Kurt sighed. "I know. "<p>

Quinn had found Grey easily. She sat down next to her on the patio bench.  
>"You okay, Grey?" she asked. They weren't really friends, but they both liked and respected each other.<br>"Yeah, it's just... I thought that out of everyone, shed understand. I mean, she knows what it's like for people not to accept you. I thought she'd understand."  
>"Grey, you've got to remember that none of them are sober. Hell, she was probably trying to crack a joke and ease the tension a bit."<br>"I guess, but it still hurts. When you're drunk you say the things you wouldn't say sober. She would've thought it either way." Quinn sighed.  
>"I know. But I also know that Santana doesn't befriend just <em>anyone. <em>You've got to be pretty special, Grey. She really cares about you." Grey hesitated before speaking.  
>"But ,just... Not in the right way." Quinn looked at Grey, confused It took her a few seconds to understand.<br>"You mean... You like her?" Grey smiled, her eyes giving away just how sad she was Quinn pat her friend on the shoulder.  
>"Since the moment we met."<br>"Grey, I'm so sorry," she said.  
>"Me too," Grey sighed. They sat there for a few minutes, Quinn comforting Grey.<br>"Do you want to go back inside?" Quinn asked quietly, after a while.  
>"Nah, I think I'm going to head home. I don't feel like rejoining the party." Quinn agreed to go inside and get her bags and the car keys. When she returned, Grey looked up.<br>"Did she say anything?" she asked, feeling- for some reason- hopeful.  
>"No, but she looked disappointed that you're leaving." Grey bid Quinn farewell, and they both knew that they were now friends.<p>

Grey walked through the front door, surprising an unsuspecting Leroy and Hiram.  
>"What are you doing home so early?" Hiram asked his daughter. He still smiled internally whenever he thought about it. She was <em>his <em>daughter, and right now, she seemed upset.  
>"Nothing," Grey said, and her fathers gave her an incredulous look. She sighed, and decided to tell them. They would understand. She relayed what had happened, omitting the part about her feelings for Santana.<br>"Well," Leroy said, "if you wanted to, you had ever right to leave. But just remember, Santana's your best friend."  
>"Yeah, she's my best friend, but I'm certainly not hers. There's only one Brittany Pierce." Grey sighed, dejectedly. "Goodnight, you guys. And thank you."<br>"For what?"  
>"For being so understanding. Being bi here isn't an issue. Being bi in an orphanage run by nuns isn't a good thing. Especially when you're also Jewish. There was one nun, she was a real old bitch. She tried to beat it out of me." Hiram stood, and hugged his daughter. Tears were swimming in both their eyes.<br>"We love you, Grey," he said softly, "Don't ever forget it."

* * *

><p><em>4 Days Before:<em>

Santana hadn't spoken to Grey since Friday night. They hadn't exchanged texts like they usually do, and Santana had avoided her at school.  
>"Is she mad at me?" Grey asked Quinn. The girls had spent lunch together on Monday and Tuesday, and Grey enjoyed her company.<br>"I don't think so," Quinn answered, her mouth filled with sandwich, "She didn't say anything to me." Grey was adamant not to approach her, after all, Santana was in the wrong. She wanted Santana to speak to her, but refused to break the silence. And apparently, so did Santana. The both of them were too stubborn for their own good.

* * *

><p><em>3 Days Before:<em>

Grey was becoming impatient, yet still refused to break the silence.

* * *

><p><em>2 Days Before:<em>

_She'll talk to me first, I know she will. I am not breaking. I wonder what's happening about the wedding. It sounded like it would be fun._

* * *

><p><em>1 Day Before:<em>

_Nope. I will not talk to her first. No. Okay, maybe. But I don't know how to break the ice. This is difficult. How do I do this. Humour is obviously involved. As is being sweet. If I could use my humour and sweetness powers for good instead of evil, I would have an amazing idea by now. Think. Think._

* * *

><p><em>5 Hours Before:<em>

Grey pulled up in front of Santana's house, and looked at her reflection in the rear view mirror. When she deemed her appearance to be satisfactory, she got out of the car, and walked to the front door. She knocked tentatively, and the door opened, with a surprised Santana standing in the doorway. Grey held the flowers out in front of her. A rolled up piece of paper was in her other hand.  
>"What the hell are you doing?" Santana asked.<br>"Well, you said it was a date... And I wanted to say I'm sorry for overreacting and being, well, being a massive douche face." Grey smiled, and offered the flowers Santana, who accepted them.  
>"I forgive you for being a massive douche face. And I'm sorry for saying... What I said. I say stupid things when I'm drunk." Grey clapped her hands together.<br>"Well, Code Red, I'm excited for our date. Oh! And I got your cousin Nathaniel a present."  
>"You didn't have to do... Wait, what did you call me?"<br>"Code Red. I'm trying out nicknames. You don't like it?" Santana shook her head.  
>"What about Pez?"<br>"Like the candy? No."  
>"Antenna."<br>"No."  
>"Tanalana Bing Bong?"<br>"I will shoot you."  
>"Alright, I have one. From now on, you're Spezz."<br>"Spezz?"  
>"Like, S. Lo<em>pez," <em>she said, accentuating the 'pez'.  
>"Fine, Spezz it is. Now what's this present you're on about?" Grey unrolled the piece of paper, and showed Santana, who gasped.<br>"You _drew _this?" she said incredulously.  
>"Yeah, I've told you before that I draw."<br>"But how did you know what Nathaniel looks like?"  
>"Facebook," Grey admitted, and Santana looked at her, speechless.<br>"Beautiful," she whispered, and Grey wished the compliment had been payed to her, rather than the drawing.

* * *

><p><em>The Moments Before:<em>

The ceremony was beautiful. Nathaniel was good looking, and his bride was beautiful. Grey had sat with Santana, who had tears rolling down her cheeks.

At the reception, Grey sat next to her friend, and they laughed the whole night. The atmosphere was pleasant, and Grey was enjoying herself. She watched Santana dance with relative after relative, her heart melting when she saw her dancing with a five year old cousin. Though Santana had asked her, Grey refused to dance. It wasn't her thing.

When the DJ announced Nathaniel and Lisa's first dance as husband and wife, the pair began to dance, to a slow, beautiful song. Soon, other partners flooded the dance floor. Grey felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up, to find Santana staring down at her.  
>"May I have this dance, Little B? It is a date, after all."<br>"It would be my honour, Spezz." Grey grinned, and stood. Santana led her to the dance floor, where they began to dance like the other couples.

That was the moment. Standing there, dancing, Santana whispering jokes into her ear. That was the moment Grey began to fall in love with her best friend. She knew she didn't have a chance. She knew that Brittany was the one Santana loved. But she didn't care. She was falling in love with the most beautiful girl. The most perfect girl. A girl who willingly let someone call her Spezz.  
>And yet Grey couldn't bring herself to tell Santana the truth.<br>And she knew she never could.


	5. Chapter Five

The dates Grey dreaded was approaching. They were a week apart, and Grey absolutely hated them. The week leading up to the first date saw Grey becoming more and more withdrawn. Everyone noticed. How could you not? Grey was finally coming out of her shell, but all of a sudden she had just retreated. The Glee Club tried to pry it out of her but she wouldn't speak to anyone.  
>"If she wants to tell you, she will. Don't try to force it out of her," Rachel had told her and her sister's friends. Santana looked at her with scrutiny in her eyes.<br>"You _know _something!" she said, eyes narrowing, "You know and you're not telling us!"  
>"I don't know for sure, I only have my suspicions, but I'm completely sure I'm right, I mean, when am I ever wrong?" Santana rolled her eyes. Rachel started to walk away, but Santana put out a hand to stop her.<br>"Please," she pleaded, "Don't make me beg, Berry. I need to help her."  
>"I'm sorry, Santana, but I'm not telling you what I know. I'll let her do it."<br>"I'm her best friend!" Santana screamed.  
>"And I'm her sister!" Santana gave Rachel the finger and walked away. Rachel felt strange. That was the first time she had called herself Grey's sister, and for some unexplainable reason, it made her feel... Good. And though, she was happy she had won the argument with Santana, Rachel decided to confront her sister, and ask what was wrong. It was unnerving, seeing Grey as she was.<p>

* * *

><p>"Grey, is everything okay?" Rachel asked that night, after dinner. "You seem... Distant." They were standing at the kitchen sink, Grey washing the dishes and Rachel drying them.<br>"Nothing's wrong, Rachel." Rachel stopped drying, and looked at her sister, her eyes filled with scepticism.  
>"Fine..." Grey said, "You know my friend Rylan, the one who... Who..."<br>"Yeah, I remember," Rachel said softly.  
>"Well, next week, it's the one year anniversary of when he... When he died." Tears ran down Grey's face and she wiped them away with a soapy hand.<br>"He wasn't just my best friend. I liked him. No, I... I loved him. He was my first and only crush. And... and in the nine years that I knew him, I never told him. And now I never will." Grey put her hand over her eyes, and began to cry. She sobbed and sobbed, and didn't even try to stop. To Rachel, the sound was heartbreaking and she didn't hesitate before pulling Grey in for a hug. Grey didn't object, and they stood there in the kitchen for quite a while, one sister comforting the other.  
>"Shh," Rachel whispered, "It's okay. It's okay."<p>

Hiram sat down quietly next to his husband. He had a smile plastered on his face, and put his head in his husband's lap.  
>"She's trying, Lee. She's actually attempting to be Grey's sister." Leroy rolled his eyes. Of course his husband had been spying on their daughters.<br>"I told you it'd work out, Darling. I told you." Leroy stroked his husband's balding head. "I know we shouldn't have done it like we did. We should've asked Rachel how she felt before finalising everything. But this... _This _feels right. She was always supposed to be our daughter. I knew it from the moment she mentioned Frankie Valli." Hiram laughed at the memory.  
>"I love you, Babe."<br>"I love you more."

Grey was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Rachel knocked quietly and came in.  
>"Grey, I think you need to speak to Santana about this," she said.<br>"No."  
>"Believe me, Grey, she's not my favourite person, and I'm not hers, but she's worried about you."<br>"I. Can't. Speak. To. Her, Rachel. She's... I'm... I like her. A lot. I can't tell her about Rylan, because I feel like I'm replacing him." Rachel sat up.  
>"You like Santana Lopez?"<br>"Yeah. Yeah I do." Rachel smiled.  
>"Don't you think that Rylan would have wanted you to be happy? I mean, I know it's cliché, but Rylan would have wanted you to be happy, and not be sad on his behalf. I mean, he'd probably be kicking your ass right now, and telling you to go for it. Go for Santana." Grey chuckled. That wasn't going to happen. Santana loved Brittany, end of story.<br>"Rachel... If I wanted to arrange a song to sing for Rylan, would you help me with it?"  
>"I'd loved to," she said quietly.<br>"Oh god, I think Glee Club's getting to me. Expressing my emotions through song. How, well, how very Rachel Berry of me." Rachel laughed, and hit her sister's arm. She stood up, and walked to the door.  
>"Remember, Grey. You need anything, you come to me." Grey smiled gratefully, and Rachel left.<br>_Wow, _Rachel though, _I'm growing up, aren't I? Who'd of thought that I'd offer to help Grey? _Rachel smiled, and walked to her room. Yeah, she was growing up, and she couldn't help it. But she could help her sister.

The first date arrived and it brought with it rain. The dismal weather matched Grey's mood. She woke to sympathetic looks from Rachel. At school her friends gave her space- Rachel had warned them to back off. Grey was oblivious to what was going on around her. She went from class to class, copying notes from boards, not paying attention to the teacher's words.

The lunch bell rang and on her way to her locker, Grey found herself being pulled into an empty classroom. She looked up, and was face to face with Santana.  
>"Okay," the cheerleader said, "talk."<br>"Piss off, this doesn't concern you." Grey started toward the door, but Santana moved to block her path.  
>"No, no way in hell. For the past week you walk around this place like a friggin' zombie, not speaking to <em>anyone<em> and you expect me to let it all go?"  
>"Yes, I do," Grey replied, "Drop it. I have nothing to say to you."<br>"Grey, tell me."  
>"Bite me."<br>"What the hell is your problem?" Santana screamed, "I only want to help you!"  
>"WELL I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP, SANTANA."<br>"IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO BITCH SLAP YOU, YOU SELFISH LITTLE TWAT."  
>"YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S WRONG? I'M BROKEN. I'VE LOST EVERYONE I'VE EVER LOVED. I LOST MY MUM AND MY DAD, AND MY BEST FRIEND. I'M ALONE. AND I'M SCARED, AND I'M SAD. I'M BROKEN, SANTANA AND YOU CAN'T FIX ME WITH YOUR MAGICAL LESBIAN POWERS!" Santana stared, shocked by her outburst. Grey saw the hurt flicker in Santana's features so she sank into a nearby chair and told her about Rylan. Santana found herself wiping away tears.<br>"Kid, I-I'm so sorry." She managed to say.  
>"I just... I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm forgetting them by having a new family and new friends. I feel like I'm insulting their memory and need to honour them in some way."<br>"This is going to sound very Berry of me, but sing them a song." Grey laughed, remembering that she had thought the exact same thing.  
>"That's what I wanted to do, but I just don't know. I have a song, but I'm afraid I'm going to make an idiot out of myself."<br>"Little B, you do that already."  
>"Shut it, Spezz. If I'm singing today, I need someone to play the piano for me."<br>"Dude, that's why we have Piano Man."  
>"No, he's visiting family."<br>"Huh. I guess I don't notice these things. What's his name? Steven? Jerome?"  
>"... Brad."<br>"Tha-a-at's it! I knew it was something like Jerome." Grey stared at her friend.  
>"Are you... High?" Santana gestured rudely at Grey.<br>"Just ask Man Hands to play piano for you."  
>"Look at you, full of good ideas." Santana did a mini bow.<br>"What can I say? I try."

* * *

><p>"So, guys. This week's assignment-" Mr Shue paused Grey's hand popped into the air. "Uhh, yes, Grey?"<br>"Mr Shue, I was wondering if I could say something really quickly before we begin."  
>"Yeah, sure. Go ahead." Grey stood up and faced her friends.<br>"Look," she started, "I know I've been acting really weirdly this past week and I wanted to tell you why..."

* * *

><p><em>The little girl sat on the bench, watching the other children play rather than join in. It was the first day of school, and she didn't know anyone. She didn't notice the little boy sneak up behind her.<br>"Hi there," he said, making her jump, "my name's Rylan Jacobs." He held out a hand and waited for the girl to shake it. She giggled.  
>"My name's Gracie," she smiled, shaking his hand.<br>"Why aren't you playing with the other kids?" he asked.  
>"I don't know. Why aren't <em>you _playing with the other kids?" He thought about the question, and shrugged.  
>"'Cos I don't want to," he answered, "I want to go inside and read, but Miss Stevens won't let me."<br>"She won't let me read inside, either." The conversation stopped there. They sat together, watching the other children play their games. When the bell rang, they stood up together, and Rylan faced Gracie.  
>"Gracie, I wanna be your best friend. You're the only other person who wants to read instead of playing." Gracie blushed.<br>"I want to be your best friend, too," she answered, and they walked back to class._

"_You guys okay?" Mrs Jacobs asked. She stood in the doorway of her son's room, and smiled when she saw what he and his best friend were doing.  
>"We're fine, thanks, Mrs J." Gracie spoke without looking up from her book. She was lying on the floor, holding her book directly over her head. Rylan lay on his bed devouring a graphic novel. Mrs Jacobs left the room, and walked away smiling. That's how they spent time together, just reading in each other's company. Sure, they spoke about life, music, family and love, but a substantial amount of time was spent with the two of them with their noses in books. They were both bright for their young age of twelve, and the other children in their class knew it. Perhaps that was why no-one was really keen on befriending the two of them. Or maybe it was because they were a package deal, with one came the other. Either way, they were happy. And lucky. Theirs was the kind of friendship everyone wishes for.<em>

_Grey was early. Rylan had told her to meet at the football field at 4.30 and she still had fifteen minutes before he finished practise. She took a seat in the bleachers and watched him from afar. She felt nervous. Today was the day she was going to tell him. Tell him how she loved him; tell him how she could never live without him. She looked out to the pitch, and saw a footballer waving at her. She waved back enthusiastically at her best friend. The smile on her face slowly changed to a look of horror as Rylan put his hand to his chest, and fell to the ground. She screamed his name as loud as she could and raced down to him. She could see one of the coaches dialling 911. She pushed the other players out of the way and sank to her knees next to him.  
>"Please," she pleaded, "Don't die on me. Please, Rylan. Not you too." The ambulance arrived and they examined him quickly. The grim looks on their faces told Grey everything. They pronounced him DOA. Grey's head spun, and suddenly the world had a dark tint to it. Rylan was gone. Her best friend had died right in front of her. She couldn't remember much after that but the bloodcurdling scream that left her. And then another one. She hugged Rylan's body, her tears wetting his shirt and her sobs muffled by his chest. She felt someone pull her off his body, and heard someone else make the decision to let her ride in the ambulance to the hospital. Grey was met there by her best friend's parents. They sat with each other until a doctor came and found them, but they all knew what he was going to say.<br>Rylan was dead.  
>The person they loved was gone.<br>They would never hear his voice, his laugh or see his smile, ever again.  
>He was dead.<em>

* * *

><p>"I wanted to sing a song for him, and not just any song, one that meant a lot to him. So I'm singing a song that's kind of exactly who Rylan was. He believed that some things have to be kept and done later in life. He didn't waste his time acting older than he was, because he could do that when he was, well, older.<br>"He also promised that one day he would take me far away from our lives. That he'd take me to places of beauty and wonder and love. So for Rylan, I'm singing 'Vienna'." Grey nodded at Rachel, who went to sit down by the piano. Grey took a deep breath.

"_Slow down, you crazy child. You're so ambitious for a juvenile.  
>But then if you're so smart, tell me, why are you still so afraid?<br>Where's the fire, what's the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out.  
>You've got so much to do and only so many hours in a day.<br>But you know that when the truth is told, that you can get what you want or you can just get old.  
>You're gonna kick off before you even get half way through.<br>When will you realise?  
>Vienna waits for you?<em>

She finished the rest of the song and her friends applauded her. She only let a few tears escape as she sat down and let Mr Shue give them that week's assignment. It wasn't as bad as she had thought. She missed Rylan, with all her heart, but her new friends and family were taking the edge off. She knew it wouldn't be the same next week.  
>The day she dreaded more than anything in the entire world was coming, like it did every year. The day that truly made her want to just stop everything.<p>

Santana slipped a note onto Grey's lap. She read Santana's neat print.  
><em>Beautiful. I loved it, and so did he. Coffee later? Just you and me.<br>_Grey nodded her head discreetly in response to the invite, and smiled, as the butterflies that resided in her lower intestine emerged once again.

Coffee with Santana. Alone. Grey heard the rain stop, and sunshine filled the room as the clouds parted.

It was going to be a beautiful afternoon.


	6. Chapter Six

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I do not own Glee or any of it's characters. What a shame. Grey, however, is my own creation. Also, the song lyrics belong to a man by the name of Eric Clapton. And the quote was written by a man named Stephen Chbosky, who is a bloody genius. He authored one of my favourite books, so I deemed it necessary to add a quote of his in this story somewhere. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, but I have a lot of school work (damn year 11!) and I have actual work and chores and shit. So yeah. PLUS MY COMPUTER BROKE AND I LOST WHAT I HAD AND HAD TO START OVER. Leave me some reviews, because they make my day, and thanks for the ones you've left on the previous chapters! I'll update as soon as I can, because I have the whole story mapped out in my head. Excitement! (Oh, and as always, sorry for the cheese and fluff. But you know how I love it.)**

* * *

><p>And then came the second date. The one day a year that Grey really dreaded. It was the day that had defined the rest of her life. The day her parents died. She had a song prepared, and somehow that got her through most of the day. The song itself was perfect- it summed up her feelings perfectly, and it fit in with the week's assignment. Mr Shue gladly stepped aside as Grey raised her hand to perform. She sat on a stool, with Puck on one side and Blaine on the other, each with a guitar in hand. She didn't bother to give the small introduction everyone else did, she just launched straight into the song. They began to play.<p>

"_Would you know my name  
><em>_If I saw you in heaven?  
><em>_Would you feel the same  
><em>_If I saw you in heaven?  
><em>_I must be strong and carry on  
><em>_'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven…_

_Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees  
><em>_Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please_

Grey made her way to the end of the song. The whole time she had to fight to keep the tears away, but she failed. In the last verse they had come, blurring her vision and making her voice crack, but she forced herself to keep going, just keep it together until that last note. She looked at the faces of her peers. On most she saw pity, empathy. On Kurt and Finn she saw recognition- they both knew what it was like to lose parents. Once the last note faded, she let it all go. Tears fell freely down her face, and she hunched over, sobs making her whole body shake. She was aware of the silence around her, and could feel the pity-filled stares from her peers and teacher. Yet she did not care. All she cared about was the fact her parents were gone. All she felt was sadness; dark, bitter, never-get-better sadness that she usually pushed to the back of her mind. Suddenly, Grey heard a chair scrape against the floor, and seconds later, she felt arms pull her up straight and hug her. She was expecting her best friend, the smell of Santana's perfume, but instead she got someone several feet shorter, with a familiar, over powering perfume, very unlike Santana's.  
>"It's okay, Grey. I'm here. I'm here," Rachel soothed. She made Grey look her in the eye.<br>"Let's get you out of here, okay?" Grey nodded and allowed herself to be led from the room.

When they stopped walking, Grey looked up, curious about where they were.

"The football field?" Rachel nodded and led Grey to a barrel filled with footballs.

"Finn took me here once," she explained, "throwing the balls kind of helps get rid of frustration, or anything you're feeling. I wasn't very good at it, but it does help you clear your head." Rachel sat on the grass next to the barrel and watched her sister. Grey threw the balls expertly and with perfect precision, even though her eyes were blurred with tears. Her tears mixed with sweat as she made her way through the barrel. Once she finished, Rachel stood, and they picked up the balls together. They walked slowly, side by side. Grey carried the barrel and Rachel put the balls in.  
>"Sometimes," Grey said, breaking the silence, "sometimes I hate them. Of course, straight away I feel terrible, but there's this resentment that's just… there. I resent them for leaving me, for not teaching me anything besides 'don't put the fork in the toaster'. I just.. Hate the way they left me here without them. I wish I could've gone with them."<br>"You mean you wished you would've died in the accident?"

"Let's face it, both our lives would be a lot more simple," she said with a humourless laugh. Rachel thought before speaking again.  
>"Look Grey, before I met you I could never have imagined life with a sibling. But now you're in my life… And I can't imagine it without you." Grey smiled.<br>"That was so cheesy."  
>"Yeah, I know."<br>"But like… Wow. So much cheese, even for Rachel Berry!"  
>"Sometimes cheese is good, you know." They walked further, picking up more balls.<br>"Thank you, Rachel. Seriously." Rachel smiled.  
>"Crap, it's getting late!" Rachel said, looking at her phone. Right on cue, both girls' phones rang. They showed each other their screens; Hiram's photo flashed on Grey's and Leroy's on Rachel's. They laughed and answered their phones. Immediately, both fathers started talking, worried about their daughters' whereabouts.<br>"Calm down, we're on our way now," Grey half-screamed in order to be heard over Hiram's shrieks.  
>"We're late because Rachel had detention." Rachel glared at Grey angrily.<br>"No, nothing big," Grey continued, "Something about dealings with a pimp during school time." Grey had to hold the phone away from her ear as Hiram screamed louder.  
>"No! Hiram! Hiram! HIRAM! IT WAS A JOKE! HIRAM, I WAS KIDDING," Grey shouted. After reassuring Hiram many times, and promising that they were on their way home, Grey hung up. She turned to Rachel, who proceeded to punch Grey in the arm with all her might.<br>"Ow! What was that for?"  
>"Pimp? Really, Grey?" Grey howled with laughter.<br>"Sorry, but it was so funny, especially the look on your face. Priceless." Rachel mocked laughed, and they walked to their car. Grey noticed a text from Santana.

_All good, Little B? Call me when you can._

* * *

><p>Santana walked up to her girlfriend, who was sitting in The Lima Bean.<br>"Hey, Britts," she said, kissing her on the cheek.  
>"San, we need to talk," Brittany said, seriously. Santana became concerned very quickly- Brittany was rarely serious.<br>"… Sure Britts, what's up?"  
>"It's… It's my parents."<br>"Are they okay?"  
>"Yeah, they're fine… But. Santana, we can't see each other any more." Santana stared at Brittany, shock etched on her face.<br>"What do you mean?"  
>"I was talking to my parents, and they told me that girls are supposed to be with boys-"<br>"That's homophobic."  
>"-And I told them that you're supposed to be with whoever you want."<br>"Then why-"  
>"But then they told me how much they wanted me to be with a boy and not a girl and how they would be sad if I stayed with you. I can't make my parents sad, San. I love them." Santana was livid.<br>"And I love my Abuela, and she rejected me because I told her about us! I gave her up for us!"  
>"That's different."<p>

"HOW? Love is love! My Abuela practically raised me! I love her with all my heart and she refuses to see me because I refuse to let you go." Santana wiped tears from her cheek. "Are you letting me go?"

"San-"  
>"Are. You. Letting. Me. Go?"<br>"Yes," Brittany whispered.

"You know what, Brittany? You try to please everyone. And you trust blindly. That's the worst combination ever."  
>"I still want to be your best friend, San." Santana laughed viciously at Brittany.<br>"You're really a moron, aren't you?" She immediately regretted saying it after seeing the look on Brittany's face.

"See you around, Pierce." Santana stood and walked away.

Brittany didn't try to stop her. She sat in the hallway, and despite the throng of people around her, she felt lonely. The coffee shop was filled with memories she shared with Santana- San comforting her with hot chocolate after she broke up with Artie, Santana telling- then explaining- dirty jokes. But now it was replaced by a different one: Santana walking away, giving her the finger.

* * *

><p>"Grey, someone's at the door! Get it!" Rachel screamed to Grey, who was playing guitar on her bed.<p>

"Why can't you?"

"I'm in the middle of bidding on a limited edition Barbra doll! Go get the damn door!" Grey sighed, and walked downstairs, and opened the large wooden door. She saw Santana standing in front of her, crying.  
>"Santana, what's wrong?" Santana walked forward and collapsed onto Grey, sobbing into her shoulder.<br>"San, tell me what's wrong."  
>"She-she-she-"<br>"San, what's going on?"  
>"Brittany dumped me." Santana resumed the sobbing, and Grey pat her friend on the back. "I really loved her, Grey. With all my heart."<br>"I know, I know," she soothed. "I'm so sorry. Do you want me to go all Lima Heights Adjacent on her ass?" Santana chuckled.  
>"No thanks, but can I get some cocoa, or Ben and Jerry's?"<p>

Once they had both cocoa and B&J's, the girls relocated to Grey's bedroom. They sat on the floor.  
>"Make me feel better, Grey. Say something. Say anything. I want to feel better," Santana said. She never talked like that, to anyone. She always had a tough outer shell, and didn't let anyone see beyond that. But Grey was different- she could be whoever she wanted to be around Grey.<br>"Uhh… Okay. Some writer whose name escapes me once said 'we all accept the love we think we deserve'. Believe me, San. You deserve someone who loves you more than life itself, someone who doesn't need you to change. You'll find that person, San, I promise. She's out there, waiting for the universe to point towards you and say 'That's her. That's the one.'"

"So it's a she?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Do you know her?"

"Nope, not at all." _Yes, I do._

"You really believe she's out there?"

"With all my heart." _She's sitting right beside you, fixing your broken heart._

"Thank you, Grey," Santana whispered.

"Any time, Spezz. Any time."

The girls talked for hours, and eventually Santana went home. As soon as she left, they began texting each other. Grey made a resolution before bed.

She was going to tell Santana how she felt.

Even if it killed her.

She had to tell Santana.

She needed to have some sort of chance.

Grey felt like she was crazy, but hey, love does that to people.


	7. Chapter Seven

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing here except Grey and the storyline. Glee and anything else mentioned do NOT BELONG TO ME. What a shame. Okay. This update has been quicker than the last. I hope you enjoy. Sorry about the slight cliff-hangar. I'm so excited to keep writing. The story's up to a really fun part to write. As always, leave reviews and enjoy. (Thanks to everyone who left a review on my last update. You guys made my day! Also, sorry about the over-use of nicknames in this chapter. I have no idea what came over me.)**

* * *

><p>Sectionals came and went and brought with it a win for the New Directions. The team was ecstatic, but immediately began working on ideas for Regionals.<p>

Grey and Quinn sat in the park, homework open, and working. Every so often one of them would name a song that may or may not be good for Regionals. Suddenly, Grey stopped and closed her Algebra notebook.  
>"Quinn," she asked, "I have a relationship question." Quinn looked up from her notebook.<br>"Go ahead, Kid."  
>"When your best friend has her heart broken by her girlfriend, what's the appropriate amount of time to wait before declaring your love for her?" Quinn dropped her pen.<br>"You're going to _tell_ her?"  
>"I'm considering maybe telling her in the near off future... Maybe." Quinn grinned.<br>"So you really like her?"  
>"Yeah, I really like her. I more than like her. I think... I think I'm in love."<br>"WHAT?" Quinn screamed in surprise. She quickly covered her mouth with her hand, ignoring the stares from passers-by. Grey instantly regretted telling her. She buried her head in her lap.  
>"No. No. No no no no. Grey, you are not not talking about this. You can't ignore me."<br>"I beg to differ," Grey replied, opening her Algebra book.  
>"Well you can't ignore me for long." Quinn took a deep breath and decided to scream as loud as she could.<br>"GREY LOVES SPEZZ. GREY. LOVES. SPEZZ. SHE'S IN LOVE WITH HER BEST FRIEND. LOVE. IT'S IN THE AIR." Grey saw people staring at her screaming friend. She mentally cursed herself for choosing to study in a public place.  
>"Dammit, Quinn, I can't take you anywhere."<br>Quinn kept screaming Grey threw her phone at her.  
>"Will you cut it out?"<br>"It's not my fault that you love Santana and won't tell her."  
>"Can you stop saying that? I'm not gonna tell her. I don't want to ruin our friendship with something like this." Quinn held her hands up in defeat.<br>"Fine, fine. I'll let it go. For now."

* * *

><p>Grey walked through the front door, sighing. She threw her bag down, and yelped when she spotted Rachel standing on the stairs, a creepy smile on her face.<br>"Rach... Is everything alright?" Rachel just kept smiling.  
>"Right now, in this very moment, you look like you've just figured out Squidward loves Krabby Patties." Rachel smiled some more.<br>"Okay. What's going on?"  
>"Quinn just messaged me-"<br>"-How is that possible? She just dropped me off! The girl texts faster than Finn eats!"  
>"And she told me that you plan on telling Santana." Grey rolled her eyes, and walked into the kitchen. Rachel trailed behind her.<br>"You guys would be great together, I know it. You just need to pluck up some courage." Grey ignored her, and kept rustling around in the fridge. Rachel didn't stop, she kept talking about what a great couple they would make, going as far as naming their first child after Rachel, even if it were to be a boy. Finally, Grey whirled around and faced her.  
>"Fine. Okay. If it's so important to you, I'll ask her out to dinner and tell her there." Rachel grinned ecstatically.<p>

* * *

><p>"Thanks for bringing me here, Grey. I really needed to get my mind off everything."<br>"No worries, Spezzalicious," Grey said with a smile. They sat in a booth at Breadstix, both of them about to start their meals. They ate in a comfortable silence, sometimes speaking. Towards the middle of the meal, Grey put down her fork and knife and hesitated before speaking- it was now or never. But as she hesitated, Santana jumped in and began to speak.  
>"You know what, Grey? I'm gonna help you out." Grey shot her a quizzical look. "I, dear Little B, am going to score you a lady date." Grey's heart sunk a little deeper.<br>"So this isn't us trying to seal the deal?" she asked jokingly, hoping Santana couldn't see the slight sadness etched into her features. Her stomach flipped when Santana laughed; there was just something about it that made Grey lose her cool.  
>"Okay. First thing's first: keep up eye contact. Not too little, and not too intense."<br>"Like this?"  
>"Perfect." Santana licked her lips as she spoke. Grey's stomach flipped again.<br>"Now next is mastering the shy laugh."  
>"Why does it have to be shy? Why can't it be like this?" Grey laughed an evil laugh, that caused the couple at the next table to look at them in alarm.<br>"Because I'm always right, and you sound like you're going to eat me. Now watch." Santana let out a very un-Santana like giggle, and half hid her face with one of her hands. She seemed innocent and somewhat mysterious. And somehow, it made her seem sexier than ever. "Last tip in the Santana Lopez Three Step Dating Course is be open. Be nice. Try not to lie. Make 'em laugh." Grey pondered Santana's words.  
>"I know, it's cheesier than the triple cheese bread stick, but it works every time." <em>I bet it wouldn't work on you.<em>

"See that waitress?" Santana asked, nodding to a tall girl with long red hair.  
>"The ginger?"<br>"I know for a fact that she plays for our team. My gaydar is fantabulous. And you can definitely reel that in, Kid. If you don't, I will."  
>"One question… What do I do once I… catch her?"<br>"Whatever you want, Kiddo. I refuse to teach you how to do _that._"  
>"I wouldn't mind if you want to practise," Grey said with a wink. Were her eyes deceiving her, or did Santana blush? She decided she would read into it later on. She downed her sparkling apple juice. "Alrighty. Watch me work some Berry Magic." Grey stood, and approached the waitress.<br>"Hey, how are you?"  
>"I'm great!" Grey made sure to use Santana's 'tips'- she looked her in the eye, shy laughed, and acted natural, as if she were with an old friend… Which she was. The ginger waitress- Ashlyn- and Grey went to the same acting classes. After talking to her old friend for a few minutes, she returned to her table, number in hand.<br>"My god," Santana gasped, "You're like a friggin' Jedi master!"  
>"Pfft, that? That was nothing, dear Watson." Santana grinned at Grey.<br>"You know I know you know her, right?" Grey paused.  
>"I have no idea what you're talking about." Santana laughed, and Grey handed her a slip of paper.<br>"Here. I'm not gonna tap that. You may as well." Santana took the number gingerly, and smiled softly at Grey.  
>"Thanks, Kid."<p>

_What the fuck am I doing?_

* * *

><p>"Okay, it's official. I'm a fucking moron," Grey sighed into the phone later that night.<br>"Good god, B. What did you manage to do now?"  
>"I sort of set her up with a fellow lesbian," Grey winced at the memory.<br>"Are you MENTALLY DEFICIENT?" Quinn began to ramble.  
>"Q, shut it. I'm trying to think how this may somehow work out in my favour."<br>"And how's that working out for you?"  
>"It's not."<br>"One of these days, I'm gonna tell her for you."  
>"Goodnight, Quinntastic."<br>"Sweet dreams, Grey-larious."

* * *

><p>Grey cornered Santana at school about a week later.<br>"Spezz, can I talk to you?" Santana smiled at her friend, concerned.  
>"Little B, you okay? You look like you're about to spew." Grey took a deep breath. <em>Now or never. <em>But why did Santana always have to look so damn cute?  
>"Look. Um." Her mouth went dry and her hands shook. "I know you're probably not over Brittany, and that thing with Ashlyn didn't last long. That's why I haven't told you. I've waited this long to give you time."<br>"I'm confused, Kid. What are you waiting for?"  
>"T-to tell you that I… I like you. A lot." Santana stared at Grey, her mouth open in a comical 'o'. Grey felt her cheeks redden and she instantly regretted telling Santana how she felt.<br>"Grey,"-Grey noticed the distinct lack of nickname- "I'm flattered, and I would be lying if I said I had no feelings for you, but…"  
>"But I'm not Brittany. And you're not over her."<br>"I'm sorry, Little B, I really am. This doesn't change the fact that we're besties, right?"  
>"Of course not. It'll be exactly the same. Just pretend this never happened."<p>

It wasn't the same.

They couldn't pretend that it had never happened. Sure, they still hung out and spoke and were best friends, but neither of them could ignore the big, fat, gay elephant in the room.

"It's just so damn awkward all the time!" Grey vented to Rachel, Quinn and Kurt.  
>"Do you want my advice?" Kurt asked with a mouth full of popcorn.<br>"Please!"  
>"Turn back time, and stop Past You from telling her."<br>"… I hate you." Grey paced back and forth.  
>"I got it!" Rachel said, "Take her somewhere and just start from the beginning. Ask each other questions about everything. Spend time just talking, not distracted by anything else."<br>"Rachel, you are quite the evil genius," Kurt said, before choking on his popcorn. Quinn slapped him on the back as she answered.  
>"Rachel's right, Little B. You need to talk it out." Grey sighed.<br>"Someone slap Kurt harder before he soils his Calvin Klein jeans." Kurt gasped for breath as the popcorn dislodged itself from his throat.  
>"They're…" Gasp. "Dolce…" Gasp. "And Gabbana."<p>

* * *

><p>They walked through the empty hallways of the school at a slow place. Grey had chosen the location- the school was oddly peaceful at night. They were asking each other different questions. Well, Grey was asking them.<br>"Favourite movie?" Grey asked.  
>"It's a tie between Bring It On and Kick Ass," Santana answered.<br>"Favourite book?" Grey asked.  
>"The Giving Tree," Santana answered.<br>"Great answer to both questions. I totally approve." They walked further, a comfortable silence lying between them. Grey stopped, and faced Santana.  
>"What are you thinking at this very moment?" Grey breathed softly. She sucked at the whole "let's just be friends" thing.<br>Santana hesitated.  
>"I'm thinking that this is a whole lot of questions."<br>"W-we can stop if you want. I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable," Grey said hastily.  
>"And now I'm thinking that I like it," Santana said in a near whisper. Grey took a deep breath. She looked at Santana, her gray eyes finding the deep brown.<br>"First kiss?" Santana asked.  
>"Still waiting," Grey answered. Santana's hand reached up and caressed her cheek. They leant in slowly, and their lips met. Their lips fit together perfectly, as if they were made for one another. They stood together, their mouths touching, barely coming up for air. They stood, in each other's arms, completely oblivious to the outside world. It was perfect and honest and beautiful and –<p>

Santana broke away, a look of horror on her face.  
>"I'm so sorry, " she said softly, "I can't… I'm sorry." She turned and ran down the hall, leaving Grey by herself, her lips still tingling from the kiss.<br>_You're fucking kidding me._


	8. Chapter Eight

**DISCLAIMER****: I do not own Glee or its characters. If I did, I would be sitting in a mansion surrounded by my helper-monkeys. However, I do own the character that is Grey Berry. She is my pride and joy. Also, the song used is I Got You, by McFly. I suggest you check it out. I like it.**

**A/N****: Okay you guys, here it is. Sorry it took a while, but school and my lack of a social life got in the way. As always, read, enjoy and leave me some reviews, because I like to hear what you think. Also, thank you to Tried To Lie, who is going to be my beta. But she doesn't know that yet. Because I haven't asked her. And because she's just a freaking awesome person that drew me two- yes, TWO- fan arts that I will link you to down below.**

* * *

><p>"What?" shrieked Quinn.<p>

"No way!" Rachel shouted.  
>"Blaine is going to LOVE this!" Kurt yelled, picking up his phone.<br>"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?" cried Grey. Rachel opened her mouth to speak.  
>"No, no, Rachel. Look at what your advice did last time," Grey said. Rachel scowled.<br>"Well was it a bad thing that you guys kissed?" Grey looked at her sister incredulously.  
>"Are you daft-" Kurt sniggered at Grey's choice of words. "-OF COURSE IT'S A BAD THING! We kissed! And she's not over Brittany. And I'm just… I'm confused about everything. Bullocks! Damnnit!" Kurt raised his hand.<br>"Why exactly did use the words 'daft' and 'bullocks'?" Grey sighed.  
>"When I get really angry or upset or freak out, I kind of start using English slang." Kurt burst into laughter. "Blimey," she said, "It's not that funny." Kurt laughed harder.<p>

The solution was sitting on Rachel's bedroom floor, eating ice cream, and listening to Paramore scream lyrics at them.

"How are we gonna speak? I just… How can I look at her?" Quinn answered her friend.  
>"It'll take time. Of course it's going to be awkward. But it <em>will <em>get better, I swear." Quinn's phone buzzed, and her eyes went wide when she saw the caller ID.

"Santana. Hi."  
>"<em>I'm calling an Unholy Trinity meeting. Minus Brittany.<em>" Grey could hear Santana's watery voice through the phone. Quinn looked at Grey, and Grey nodded in approval. Quinn stood up and left, taking her things with her.  
>"So is it just when you're angry? Or when you're excited, do you go Irish?" Grey shot daggers at Kurt. "Sheesh, sorry for trying to make a joke. Wanker."<p>

* * *

><p>Quinn sat in Santana's bedroom, on her desk chair. Santana sat crossed legged on the bed, dirty tissues all around her.<br>"It's just… "  
>"Do you like her?"<br>"I don't kn-"  
>"-San. Do you like her, or not?"<br>"I- yes. I do."  
>"Then what's the problem?"<br>"I-I've never been in a proper relationship with a girl before."  
>"Brittany? Ashlyn?"<br>"Ashlyn spent a week telling me how beautiful her ex is, and Brittany was… Look, I love Brittany, but I spent every minute of every day since we were kids looking out for her. I don't know what it's like to have somebody who wants to look out for me."  
>"And why is that bad?"<p>

"It's not, it's just different. And once we start, there's no going back. We can't be just friends again."  
>"San, there's already no going back. She likes you. You kissed her. There's already something there." Santana flopped back, onto the bed.<br>"This sucks! Why can't this be simple?" Santana began muttering in Spanish, speaking faster than usual. Quinn smiled, despite the situation.  
>"San, you're going to have to speak to her eventually. In English." Santana laughed humorlessly.<br>"No, I could speak Spanish. Or German. Or Latin. Or French. Or Hebrew."  
>"No way!" Quinn gasped, "I don't believe you!"<br>"Q, the things she doesn't tell us… I only found out recently. She's… ridiculously smart. Genius. She speaks six languages, completely fluent. Her brain works at a million miles a second. Teachers ask _her_ to check _their_ work. Plus, she's so talented! She sings, she acts, she draws, she writes… Q… She's perfect." Quinn looked shocked and slightly betrayed that her best friend hadn't told her all of this.  
>"How… <em>Why <em>does someone keep all those secrets?"

"It's not keeping secrets, it's being humble. Her drawings, Q. I've never seen anything like them. They're more realistic than photos. They breathe. They're alive." Quinn smiled at Santana.  
>"San, even if you don't see it yet, you like Grey. You really do."<br>"Why?" Quinn shook her head.  
>"The way you speak about her… I've never heard you like this, not even with Brittany." Santana sighed and rubbed her eyes.<br>"Q, she's this amazing person, who does and can do so much. And I'm me. She doesn't deserve me, she deserves better. The best."  
>"Spezz, you <em>are<em> the best." Santana scowled, and then feigned vomiting.  
>"Grey's cheese is rubbing off on you, Q." Quinn laughed. "And if you call me Spezz again I will go-"<br>"Lima Heights Adjacent on my skinny white ass? Get a new line, Spezzers." Santana gestured rudely and Quinn laughed harder.

* * *

><p>They didn't speak for three weeks. Sure, 'hello's here and there, but there was no spending time together; no conversations that made them both laugh like idiots. There were only two girls who had no idea what to say to one another. Their friends were caught in the middle, and Rachel and Quinn were sick of it.<br>"What do we do?" Rachel said exasperatedly, "I can't take another minute of Grey moping around and looking at everyone with her big puppy dog eyes. It makes me sick!"  
>"I know, this is crazy. If only we could lock them in a room together until they speak to each other." Quinn said. Rachel's eyes gleamed evilly.<p>

"Fabray, that's exactly what we're going to do." _Why did Rachel just call me Fabray? _Quinn thought, _And why do I like it so much?_ Quinn shook her head, laughing at herself. Impossible. Actually impossible. _She's just growing on me, that's all. That's it. _She got back to planning with her best friend's sister.

The plan was decided upon. It was primitive in style and execution. Lock the girls in a room together until they talked to each other.

"Rachel why are we going to the choir room?" Grey asked her sister, who was trying to pull off her arm, dragging her to the room.

"I told you, I need to show you a song I'm working on! It's an original Berry creation!" Grey rolled her eyes.

"I'm sure it's wonderful, Rach, but I have work to do, and-"  
>"I don't care. You can do it once you listen to my brilliance." They walked into the choir room, and Grey went cold- Santana was sitting next to Quinn, and from the surprised look on her face, she had no clue what was going on, either.<br>"I'll see you later," Grey said turning to leave.  
>"Oh no you don't," Quinn replied, moving to block the door, "You're both staying here 'til you work out whatever's going on."<br>"Yeah," Rachel added, "It's pissing us both off. So you're staying. Got it?" Santana was seething, and Grey looked like she was about to hit Rachel. Rachel sensed this, and walked out of the room, closing the door once Quinn followed.  
>"We'll be outside once you're done," she called through the door. Santana rolled her eyes, stood, and walked to the piano. Grey stood where she was, refusing to move. An awkward silence settled between them, that the two refused to break. After what felt like a million years passed, Santana cleared her throat.<p>

"Grey-"  
>"Don't, Santana. Just don't."<p>

"But Grey, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to figure everything out. I'm not over Brittany. I haven't been in a proper, two way relationship before. And last time I gave my heart to someone, they returned it in a billion pieces."

"That I glued back together."  
>"Little B…"<p>

"San, if you like me, which I know you do, just go out with me. Because I really like you. I like you more than I should. Which fucking sucks, because you're here, in front of me, pretty much rejecting me."  
>"I'm not-"<p>

"Santana, I'm not an idiot. And I do want to talk to you about this, but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. Because this conversation is _really _uncomfortable. Like a fucking splinter in the ass." Santana chuckled at Grey's simile.

"Truth be told, even if you had tried speaking to me, I would've deflected." Grey smiled sadly at her best friend.

"I guess this is…"

"Not goodbye," Santana said, "just a 'see you later'. Wait for this to die down a bit."  
>"I miss you." Santana hugged Grey, and knocked on the door. Rachel opened it, beaming.<br>"See? Isn't this better?" Santana towered over Rachel.  
>"You pull this again, Berry, and I will cut you." She walked away, leaving the sisters and Quinn behind.<br>"So how'd it go? Quinn asked.

"We're taking a friendship break. You guys come up with the worst damn plans."

"I know," Rachel sighed, "but you need to keep trying!"  
>"What's the point, Rachel?" Grey's voice had risen to a scream. "What's the fucking point? We can't speak to each other anymore! How can we be friends or more than that when we can hardly be alone for three minutes?"<p>

"Just… Just make the three minutes count," Rachel whispered, juxtaposing her sister's screams. Grey's frown turned into a grin.  
>"Grey, you have your idea face on," Quinn said.<br>"Rachel, you're infuriating, and most of your ideas are absolute crap-o-la, but that was the best damn idea you've ever had! You genius!" Grey kissed her sister on the lips and hugged her. Rachel and Quinn shared a confused look.  
>"Grey?" Quinn asked tentatively, "everything okay?" The girl's smile broadened.<p>

"Everything's great, Quinn. Or at least, I think it will be." She ran her hands through her hair. "But I'm going to need your help."

"Uh-oh."

* * *

><p>"Grey, you wanted to say something?" Mr Schue asked. The glee club was in the auditorium. Grey took to the stage, and looked down at her friends.<br>"Okay. Santana. I like you. A lot. And I know you like me, too. You told me. To my face. More than once."  
>"Grey, what the hell are you-"<br>"Look. I know I probably shouldn't do this in front of all of our friends, but somehow it's easier for me to say this in a room full of people rather than in a room alone with you that we were locked in by my sister." Grey took a deep breath, as their friends wolf-whistled and cheered around her. _Am I rambling? I'm rambling. _

"Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I'm not giving up on us. Because giving up on us is stupid. If two people like each other, they should be together, because life gets in the way, and people die and get sick and they don't get to be together. And I want to be with you. I really, really, really do."  
>"And why are you saying this in the middle of glee club?"<br>"Because I'm gonna convince you. I really am. And I'm doing it the best way this god forsaken glee club knows how." Grey grinned wildly. Santana gasped, knowing what was going to come next.  
>"Through song!"<br>"Lord help me," Santana said, blushing like mad.

"Boys, if you will," Grey said to the band. They began to play. Grey smirked at Santana as she began to sing.

"_The world will be a lonely place, _

_without the one that puts a smile on your face. _

_So hold me 'til the sun burns out._

_I won't be lonely when I'm down._

'_Cos I got you. To make me feel stronger._

_When the days are up and an hour feels much longer._

_I never doubted you before._

_The stars collide with you stand by to watch them fall._

_So hold me 'til the sky is clear._

_And whisper words of love right into my ear.  
>Cos I got you. To make me feel stronger.<em>

_When the days are up and an hour feels much longer…"_

Grey finished the song, and gave a small bow to her audience, who were cheering crazily.

"I'm doing this every week," she said breathlessly, "Every. Week. More than that. Until you go out with me. Because I am not going to hurt you, I swear. I just want a chance, Spezz. So you better get used to this." Santana blushed more.  
>"You crazy bitch."<p>

"You know you love it." Santana gulped, not even bothering to return Grey's smile. She wasn't one for sharing feelings with those around her, and here Grey was, putting everything on display.

_What the fuck am I going to do?_

**A/N**: **This chapter is kind of leading into the rest of the Greytanna (couple name!) storyline. And from there I'm really excited, because everything kind of picks up. I think the next chapter's kind of going to be a series of one-shots, or just instances where Grey sings for Santana. Again thanks for reading and the reviews, and here's Tried To Lie's amazing fan art! (She's a freakishly good artist.)**

**triedtolie DOT tumblr DOT com / post / 19608023819 / Quinn-yelling-grey-loves-spezz-in-the-park-and**

**triedtolie DOT tumblr DOT com / post / 19710612973 / tears-in-heaven-based-on-chapter-six-of-shades**


	9. Chapter Nine

**DISCLAIMER: Glee is not mine, even though I wish it was. Grey, however, is all mine. I also do not own Toys-R-Us, or any songs used. Also, Cooper in my story is based on the tumblr blog AskTheAnderBros, which never fails to make me laugh hysterically.**

**A/N: Here you go! This chapter takes place over quite a few weeks, and is just about the songs Grey sings for Spezz, with a little back story stuck in here and there. Thanks to my awesome beta, TriedtoLie, as she is awesome and has a cool haircut. Enjoy, review, and let me know what you think.**

* * *

><p>"Blaine, I'm in need of your assistance," Grey said, as Blaine stood as his locker.<p>

"Shoot."  
>"It's to do with a song." Blaine's eyes lit up.<p>

"Oh my god, I was going to ask you if I could help!" He said excitedly, his words running together. Grey smiled.

"I have a song picked out, and I thought maybe you could sing a duet with me." Blaine pulled Grey into a quick hug.

"I would love to!"  
>"So can you meet me at the Lima Bean after school, and we'll discuss everything?"<p>

"For sure. Then we can go back to mine and practice!" Grey couldn't help but laugh at Blaine's excitement- he looked like a kid let loose in Toys-R-Us.

"Just be warned, my brother's home this week and he's…" he paused, searching for the right word.

"Difficult?" Grey offered. Blaine laughed at a joke lost on his companion.

"That's probably the perfect word to describe Cooper. Well, difficult and inappropriate."  
>"Should I be worried?" Blaine pondered the question.<p>

"Yes. Yes, you should."

"Mr Schue, I have a song," Mr Schue moved aside willingly, and let Grey take the stage.  
>"Blaine what the hell are you doing?" Kurt hissed as Blaine followed Grey.<p>

"Blaine's agreed to sing a duet with me."

"Dear god."

"Wait," Santana interjected, "You were serious about this? A song every week?"

"Santana, when are you going to realize that I'm completely serious about everything I do for you. I'm serious about us." Grey and Blaine stood, waiting for the music to begin. Grey smiled widely as it began.

"_You're insecure. Don't know what for. _

_You're turning heads when you walk through the door._

_Don't need make up to cover up._

_Being the way that you are is enough._

_Everyone else in the room can see it,_

_Everyone else but you._

_Baby, you light up my world like nobody else_

_The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed_

_But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell-_

_You don't know. You don't know you're beautiful._

_If only you saw what I can see _

_You'd understand why I want you so desperately._

_Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe_

_You don't know, you don't know you're beautiful._

_That's what makes you beautiful!"_

Blaine and Grey's voices worked well together, and the harmony was pleasant. The lively song got the crowd up and moving, and their friends were soon around them, dancing, laughing and having fun. Santana and Kurt were the only ones left sitting, Santana her face seemingly indifferent, and Kurt's bright red, yet a huge smile plastered on his face.

The club cheered as they finished the song, and Grey hugged Blaine.

"Thanks, Blaine" grey said quietly, so only he could hear.

"Any time, Grey. Seriously."

Mr Schue approached them, still clapping after everyone else had stopped.  
>"Great job, you guys! How did you come up with that?" Mr Schue asked.<br>"It was all Grey," Blaine admitted.  
>"But Blaine did all the arrangements and that stuff," Grey said.<p>

"Great song choice, you guys."

"Well if it were up to Blaine's brother, we'd be doing a mash-up of A Whole New World and Sexy Bitch." Blaine hooted with laughter, and Kurt chimed in, aware of how Cooper could be.  
>"I thought you were kidding with the whole song thing," Santana whispered as Grey sat down.<p>

"Well, if you actually decided to talk to me for more than five minutes, you'd know that I'm doing it until you say yes." Santana growled, and Grey smiled.

"Just wait 'til the next one. You'll love it."

* * *

><p>Grey walked into the room, holding a ukulele.<p>

_Shit, _Santana thought, _this should be good._

Mr Schue saw the instrument and rolled his playfully.

"Another song, Grey?" Grey returned his smile.

"Hey, you want it to stop, you know who to speak to." Santana blushed a deep shade of red. She didn't understand how Grey could be so confident and open about her feelings for her. It sort of freaked her out.

"So what are we getting today?" Artie asked. Puck grabbed his guitar from the corner and hi-fived Grey as he went to stand next to her. He had agreed to help her on this assignment, and more in the future. He played guitar, and convinced band members to do things like be involved in elaborate lunchtime performances that were in the planning stages.

The duo sat on two stools in the front and started when everyone was quiet.

"_I'm in trouble, I'm an addict, I'm addicted to this girl._

_She's got my heart tied in a knot, and my stomach in a whirl._

_But even worse, I can't stop calling her, she's all I want and more._

_I mean, DAMN. What's not to adore?_

_I've been playing too much guitar, I've been listening to jazz._

_I called so many times, I swear, she's going mad._

_And that cellular, will be the death of us, I swear, I swear._

_And oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh. _

_I'm running my mouth just like I got her,_

_But I surely don't._

_She's so oh, oh oh, oh oh, _

_Rock and roll._

_She's out of my league. Is she out of my league?_

_Let's hope not."_

_I was right, _Santana thought. _… Crap, she's getting to me._

* * *

><p>"So you have a song for this week?" Rachel asked her sister after dinner. Quinn was sleeping over, as was Kurt.<p>

"Of course. But I'm trying to figure out a way to make it extra cute. Cuteness is an important factor, you know."

"Well what song are you singing?"

"A little Taylor Swift. 'You Belong With Me'." Kurt, Quinn and Rachel squealed excitedly. "You know," Grey said, "I honestly think that you guys are more excited about the songs than Santana."

"Well, have you _met _Santana? Do you think she'd get excited about this type of thing?" Kurt said.

"Look, Grey, I've known Santana for a long time-" Kurt let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like 'Lucy'. Quinn shot him a murderous look. "She's not one to show emotion. She has this tough exterior that she's not gonna break just because you sing her a few song. Even though she's comfortable with who she is, her image of this big, tough Latina girl is important to her." Grey ran her fingers through her hair.

"Stop doing that," Kurt said, "You're acting like Robert Pattinson a-la New Moon." Rachel nodded in agreement, and Grey gestured at them rudely. She ran her fingers through her hair, just to annoy them. Kurt made a sound out of irritation, and Grey mimicked him. They bickered back and forth for a few moments, before Quinn hit them both over the head.  
>"Grey. I know how you can make it cute," Rachel said, in a very Rachel-like voice.<p>

"A paper bag over her head?" Kurt asked, soon followed with a very loud 'OW' as Grey threw a tennis-ball at him.

"Where the hell did you get that from? It's like you pulled it out of you're a-"

"KURT! This is important!" Rachel cried, "Santana and Grey going out means triple dates with you, me, our significant others and them!"  
>"Thanks for the invite, guys," Quinn said, acting hurt. Rachel blushed a deep shade of maroon, and she fumbled for an apology. "Calm down, Berry. I was kidding," Quinn laughed. Rachel sighed with relief- oblivious to Quinn's actual hurt feelings- and began to explain her idea to Grey, who had watched the exchange with a critical eye.<p>

Grey stood on the stage of the auditorium, waiting for the rest of the club to come in. She stood there, breathing deeply, trying to calm herself before her performance. She didn't hear someone walk up behind her, and she screamed loudly when said person tapped her on the shoulder.

"Santana, what the _hell _are you doing?" She breathed. Santana laughed loudly.

"Sorry, Grey. I guess I'm early."  
>"Yeah, same here." Santana sat down on the stage floor, and Grey followed suit.<p>

"Grey, are you shaking?" Santana asked, staring at Grey's tremor.

"Oh, yeah. That. That can be a problem sometimes."  
>"What's wrong?"<p>

"I get a bit nervous, that's all." Santana shook her head.

"Grey, that's a _lot _nervous. Your hand's practically waving by itself. How do you do this every week?"  
>"This is really important to me. I've said this so many times, San. A little shaking isn't going to stop me." Santana gave a small smile, and the rest of the glee club barged into the room.<p>

"Grey, you ready?" Rachel called out. Grey nodded and stood up, dusting of her jeans. Santana went to sit with the rest of the group, and Grey had a last minute meeting with the band. She took center stage as the music started.

"_You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset._

_She's going on about something that you said_

'_Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do._

_I'm in my room it's a typical Tuesday night._

_Listening to the kind of music she doesn't like._

_And she'll never know your story like I do._

'_Cause she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts_

_She's cheer captain, and I'm on the bleachers._

_Dreaming 'bout the day when you wake up and find _

_That what you're looking for has been here the whole time._

_If you could see that I'm the one who understands you._

_Been here all along, so why can't you see, you belong with me._

_You belong with me…"_

Grey finished the song, and the usual cheering followed. As the music was finishing, Grey jumped down from the stage, standing in front of Santana, and pulled a piece of paper from her pocket. She unfolded it, and held it in front of her for Santana to see. Santana's heart skipped a beat as she read the sign.

_I belong with you_

* * *

><p>"Blaine, I need your help again," Grey said, approaching him. He bowed to her. Kurt rolled his eyes.<br>"Whatever you need, fair maiden." Kurt mimed vomiting.

"I need you to convince the guys of the group to put their band back together." Blaine smiled gleefully, and Kurt moaned.

"It'll be done by the end of the day, I promise!" Grey thanked him, and walked away.  
>"Blaine, you really need to stop talking like a Disney Prince. Fair maiden? Really?"<p>

"Kurt, you weren't protesting my Disney voice a few nights ag-" Kurt clamped a hand over Blaine's mouth, blushing furiously.

"If I didn't love you so much, I'd hate you." Blaine smiled, and kissed his boyfriend.

The band consisted of the following: Finn on the drums, Artie on bass, Puck and Sam both on guitar, Mike was back-up vocals and Blaine played piano when needed. They had all readily agreed to help Grey with the song she was planning, and when they were finally ready, they played it in Glee club.

Grey stood in the middle of the stage, holding the microphone stand with both hands. The band members stood slightly behind her, each with their instrument of choice, and Grey gave the nod to start.

_She's a wave and she is breaking_

_She's a problem to solve_

_and in that circle she's making_

_I will always revolve_

_And on her sight_

_These eyes depend_

_Invisible and Indivisible_

_That fire you ignited_

_Good, bad and undecided_

_Burns when I stand beside it_

_Your light is ultraviolet_

_Visions so insane_

_Travel unraveling through my brain_

_Cold when I am denied it_

_Your light is ultraviolet_

_Ultraviolet_

The band hi-fived each other as the rest of the club cheered them on. Grey smiled down at Santana, giving her a wink.

* * *

><p>Grey simply walked into the choir room, and nodded at Mr Schue. Everyone else was still arriving, and when the whole group was there, Grey picked up her favourite guitar, and pulled the strap over her head. She breathed in, trying to stop her hands shaking long enough to play the guitar. She played a simple tune that day, one well known, and probably well overused. She smiled at Santana softly before beginning.<p>

_What day is it? And in what month?_

_This clock never seemed so alive_

_I can't keep up and I can't back down_

_I've been losing so much time_

_'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do_

_Nothing to lose_

_And it's you and me and all other people_

_And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you_

Her crowd clapped politely, not used to the lack of theatrics and love declarations.

"What, no big gestures today?" Quinn teased as her friend sat next to her.

"Sometimes less is more," Grey said, a smile playing on her lips. Quinn chuckled, and shook her head.

"Don't worry," Grey added, "It won't be less all the time."

* * *

><p>Santana walked into the choir room, finding Grey speaking to Brad.<p>

"Let me guess what you guys are up to," the Latina said, smiling.

"Brad and I are plotting our world domination," Grey answered, handing Brad what Santana assumed was a paper filled with music.

"Fascinating,"

"I'm the brains behind it all," Brad said. Santana paused- she had never heard him speak before. His voice was soft, with a hint of boredom within his tone. Santana stared at him, and he held her stare for a few moments before studying the paper. She shook off the shock whilst Grey laughed at the scene.

"It's always the quiet ones," she said, and Brad laughed before resuming his usual indifferent expression as more people walked in.

Mr Schue didn't even bother asking Grey, he just offered her the stage. Grey stood by the piano, and saw a note stuck to its black top. _Good luck _was written in Brad's messy writing. Grey smiled, and began the song.

_We've been together for a while now_

_We're growing stronger everyday now_

_It feels so good and there's no doubt_

_I will stay with you as each morning brings sunrise_

_And the flowers bloom in springtime_

_All my love you can rely_

_And I'll stay with you_

_Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs_

_Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around_

_And when the dark clouds arrive_

_I will stay by your side_

_I know we'll be alright_

_I will stay with you_

Grey finished, and she could've sworn she saw Santana wipe away a tear or two. Grey turned and thanked Brad before she sat down, but he didn't answer- he had a reputation to uphold.

* * *

><p>Grey stood when Mr Schue called on her. She faced her peers with a grim expression.<p>

"Guys… I'm so sorry." The club looked baffled.

"Do you…. Not have a song?" Blaine asked, confused, and quite upset.

"No, I have a song, but…"

"Spit it out, Little B," Santana huffed, and gave a signature eye-roll.

"You've made me resort to the Jonas Brothers, Santana. The Jonas Brothers." The group let out a collective sigh, and Blaine clapped excitedly.

"Kevin's my favourite!" he said.

"Hon, Kevin is _no-one's _favourite," Kurt told him. Blaine looked scandalized.

"I'm sorry!" Grey said. "I couldn't even get Puck to help me out on this one."  
>"I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of, but I refuse to add that to the list," Puck said with a shudder. Sam hi-fived Puck, and Quinn rolled her eyes. Grey picked up an electric guitar, and stood in the center of the make-shift stage.<p>

_Called you for the first time yesterday_

_Finally found the missing part of me_

_Felt so close but you were far away_

_Left me without anything to say_

_Now I'm speechless, over the edge_

_I'm just breathless_

_I never thought that I'd catch this love bug again_

_Hopeless, head over heels in the moment_

_I never thought that I'd get hit by this love bug again_

"I hate to say this, but I actually liked that song," Kurt muttered to Blaine.

"I LOVE the Jonas Brothers!" he replied, ecstatic, and Brittany bobbed her head in agreement.

_She will never know that I liked that song, _Santana thought, _never._

* * *

><p>"Grey, I'm terribly insulted," Rachel said, entering her sister's bedroom.<p>

"What's up, Rach?" Rachel looked upset and slightly betrayed.

"You haven't asked me, your own _flesh and blood, _to help you with a song!"

"… You know I'm adopted, right?"

"Irregardless! I'm your sister!"

"Well, actually, I just found a song that I was going to ask you and Quinn to help me with." Rachel squealed, and hugged Grey.

"This is going to be amazing! Which song is it?"

"Well… It's Demi Lovato." Rachel's left eye twitched, as she remembered the incident of hers and Grey's first duet.

"I'm sure it will be…. Lovely," she managed to stutter.

Three stools sat in the middle of the room, and when Mr Schue finally called on her, Grey sat on the middle one, Quinn and Rachel both by her side. They began the song.

_The slightest words you said_

_Have all gone to my head_

_I hear angels sing in your voice_

_When you pull me close_

_Feelings I've never known_

_They mean everything_

_And leave me no choice_

_Light on my heart, light on my feet_

_Light in your eyes I can't even speak_

_Do you even know how you make me weak_

_I'm a lightweight_

_Better be careful what you say_

_With every word I'm blown away_

_You're in control of my heart_

_I'm a lightweight_

_Easy to fall, easy to break_

_With every move my whole world shakes_

_Keep me from falling apart_

The room was quiet, and Grey watched as Kurt wiped tears from his cheek. Blaine and Artie looked gob smacked, as did the rest of the club. Grey searched for emotion on Santana's features, and found what she was looking for- not even Santana Lopez could act indifferent to that performance. It was, as Mr Schue called it, hauntingly beautiful. The girls took their seats amongst their quiet friends, not understanding the fuss.

"Oh, and by the way," Grey whispered to Santana, "the songs aren't over. Not yet."

* * *

><p><strong><span>AN: Okay you guys. The song list is as follows: What Makes You Beautiful- One Direction; Trouble- Nevershoutnever; You Belong With Me- Taylor Swift; Ultraviolet- The Stiff Dylans; You and Me- Lifehouse; Stay With You- John Legend; Lovebug- The Jonas Brothers; Lightweight- Demi Lovato. Oh, and I only put the first verse and chorus in each song, so the chapter wouldn't be too long (ironic, because this is the longest chapter yet)**

**Okay, things will pick up for all you Greytana shippers next chapter (hopefully!) As always, review, let me know what you think, and enjoy! I'll try upload ASAP.**


	10. Chapter Ten

**DISCLAIMER****: Glee is not mine. Grey is. All My Loving is by The Beatles (in case you did not know, and in that case, I pity you). Tyler refers to Tyler the Creator. Sorry, but I had to lay into him a bit. Oh, and S Club 7 (Who are making a comeback!) are one of my favorite bands in the whole world.**

**A/N****: As always, read, review and enjoy :) And thank you to my beta, as always. Also, I got a few comments berating me for my use of One Direction. Just so you know, I'm not a fan, but I thought the song was just something fun for Grey and Blaine to sing :)**

* * *

><p>Things got easier. It had been three months, and somehow the songs lightened things. Santana and Grey were able to talk properly because their feelings were taken care of in Glee. Santana still hadn't said yes to Grey- it was as if she was dragging it out on purpose. But she wasn't. She still wasn't sure of her feelings or how she wanted things to proceed. All she knew was that she loved the songs Grey sang, from the fast and upbeat to the slow and calm, and everything in between.<p>

* * *

><p>"Rap," Mr Schue said, writing it on the board at the same time. Artie's eyes lit up, and Kurt rolled his. Blaine had that constant excited look on his face. Finn was also excited; he giggled to himself.<p>

"Mr Schue, can I be excused from this assignment?" Grey asked.

"Reason?"

"On the basis that I hate rap with a fiery passion I reserve for people who skin puppies and/or kill nuns." Finn's excitement turned to shock.

"You… How do you hate rap?" he exclaimed.

"… By not liking it?" Finn looked at Grey incredulously, shaking his head. "I just don't get what's so impressive about speaking a song." Artie looked betrayed.

"No. Just, no. No, no, no, no." The bespectacled boy said. Grey laughed.

"Finn, I bet you that I can pick any rap song and perform it well enough to warrant decent applause." Finn laughed.

"This is gonna be the easiest bet I've ever won." They decided on a wager: the winner got to pick a song- outfit and all- for the loser. After the meeting was over, Santana caught up with grey.

"Are you sure you can do this? Rap can be hard, Kid." Grey smiled.

"Spezz, there's a slight chance I may have hustled Finn." Santana laughed, and Grey's butterflies erupted at its sound. "I've been planning this for a long time. Who do you think gave Mr Schue the idea after I found out Finn likes rap? When is everybody going to realize that I'm a goddamn evil genius?" Santana continued to laugh, and grey's butterflies fluttered even more.

"So I take it you're a good rapper?"  
>"I make Tyler look like a pussy," Grey answered, taking a sip of water.<p>

"That implies that Tyler's good," Grey snorted, and water came out of her nose. Santana doubled over in laughter and Grey tried to compose herself. It took them a while to stop laughing.

"So Finnocence is going to lose?" Santana asked once the pair had sobered up.

"I plan on making him sing S-Club 7." Santana's eyes lit up in delight.

"You. Are. Amazing," she said before turning away and walking to class. She didn't see Grey's face turn beet red, or the massive smile that played on her lips.

_Now I need to win._

* * *

><p>Grey walked into the choir room, decked out in an over-sized hoodie and baggy pants. Finn laughed.<br>"You're kidding me, right?"

"I take this very seriously, thank you very much." More and more Glee members came in, and eventually, Grey began her song.

_Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity _

_To seize everything you ever wanted, one moment _

_Would you capture it? Or just let it slip, yo _

_His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy _

_There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti _

_He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready _

_To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting _

_What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud _

_He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out _

_He's chokin' how, everybody's chokin' now _

_The clock's run out, times up, over, blaw! _

_Snap, back to reality, oh, there goes gravity _

_Oh, there goes Rabbit he choked, he's so mad but he won't _

_Give up that easy, no, he won't have it he knows _

_His whole back's to these ropes, it don't matter he's dope _

_He knows that but he's broke, he so stagnant he knows _

_When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's _

_Back to the lab again, yo _

_This whole rhapsody better go capture this moment _

_And hope it don't pass him _

_You better lose yourself in the music _

_The moment, you own it, you better never let it go _

_You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow _

_This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo _

_You better lose yourself in the music _

_The moment, you own it, you better never let it go _

_You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow _

_This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo_

Grey's teammates went crazy as they cheered. Quinn jumped to her feet in a standing ovation, and everyone else followed. Santana laughed at the mixed look of horror and shock on Finn's face. Grey grinned at Finn.

"You ready to sing your heart out? S Club 7 suits your voice." she said with a laugh. Finn scowled, and Grey laughed even more. She turned away, to say something to Mr Schue, and heard what Finn whispered to no-one in particular.

"She really _is _a dyke, with that rapping. Or half dude or something."

Grey's blood boiled, and the heat rose in her face. She whirled back around, and walked straight to Finn, not stopping until their noses were almost touching.

"Grey!" Rachel shrieked, horrified. Someone tried to pull her away, but Grey pushed them aside.

"How _dare _you? You idiot. You fucking idiot. You have something to say, you say it to my face, not once I've walked away. You stupid, cowardly little fuck-"  
>"Relax, Grey, I didn't mean it," Finn said hastily, trying to cover his mistake.<p>

"No, fuck you, Finn. Of course you meant it, you fucking fuck. Shit goddamn, you make me angry."  
>"Watch out," Kurt muttered to no-one in particular, "she'll start using English slang." Grey shot daggers at Kurt before returning the brunt of her fury to Finn.<p>

"All you do is preach _ fucking _equality. You stand up there, all high and _fucking_ mighty, and tell the rest of us how we should be accepting and united, and you have no idea what the fuck those words mean. How can you stand there and call me a dyke, when your own brother is as camp as a fucking row of hot pink tents? Do you call him a fag? Do you call Brittany or Santana dykes? Huh? How 'bout Rachel's dads? Are they homo?"

Finn looked uneasily at his friends. Each of them averted their eyes, however, Rachel looked on, mortified. As did Kurt, who held Blaine's hand as tight as he could. Quinn put a hand on Rachel's back to comfort her.

"You know what, Finn? Fuck. You. Fuck you, you stupid, borderline retarded fuck." Grey stormed out, and the room was left in silence. Rachel ambled over to Finn after a few moments.

"Rach… I…" Rachel mustered up all the strength she had, and slapped Finn in the face.  
>"We're over," she whispered, "done." She, too, rushed from the room, and Quinn was not far behind.<p>

"You really screwed things up this time, Finn," Kurt said to his step-brother, "you stupid wanker."

* * *

><p>Once Rachel had been comforted, Quinn successfully located Grey to see if she was okay.<p>

"I'm fine. I probably overreacted," Grey admitted to her best friend,

"Grey, you had every right to react as you did. He had no business calling you that."

"What happened after I left?" Quinn hesitated before speaking, and was unable to keep the smile from her face as she spoke.

"Rachel dumped Finn," Quinn told her. Grey chuckled.

"I bet you're happy about that," Grey said. Quinn looked at her, horrified.

"W-what… I have no idea what you mean!" she muttered, clearly flustered by the statement. Grey rolled her eyes.  
>"Quinn, I see the way you look at her. The way you smile when she says your name, the stolen glances when you're with her. You look at her the way Mr Schue looks at Ms Pillsbury, the way my dads look at each other… The way my parents looked at each other."<p>

"I've never seen a picture of your parents before," Quinn whispered. Grey took her wallet from her bag, and pulled out a picture that had been taken in a photobooth. Quinn gasped lightly, and Grey smirked in understanding; looking at her father was like looking at Alternate-Universe-Male-Grey. Quinn stared at the photo, seeing the way Grey's father stared at his wife.

"The way my parents look at each other… That's how I remember them. I have flashes of memories, nothing substantial, but enough for me to remember the happiness and love." Grey put the picture back where it belonged.

"They're beautiful, Grey. And they would be so proud of you right now." Grey wiped the stray tear from her cheek, and leant her head on Quinn's shoulder.

"You should be warned, Quinn. I love you, and I would literally do anything for you, but if you hurt my sister, I will hunt you down, and break your kneecaps." Quinn nodded.

"Understood."

* * *

><p>"Spezz, before I forget, I can't go shopping this weekend."<p>

"What? Why? We were gonna go to the markets, and haggle with people in our fake accents!" The friends had accidentally discovered their new favourite past time, and now did it most weekends.

"And as much as I love doing that, I have to pass. The 'rents are dragging Rachel and I out of town for a few days to some holiday house."  
>"Will you have reception?"<p>

"I sure as bloody well hope so."  
>"So then you need to SMS me nonstop, got it?" Grey smiled at Santana.<br>"Grey… Why do you have your evil smile on?"

"Oh, no reason. It just makes what I'm about to do so much more relevant and hilariously awesome." Grey looked towards the bassist with a bowl haircut and nodded. He nodded in return.

"Oh, god," Santana said, "Fuck."

"_Close your eyes, and I'll kiss you." _She sang the first line without musical accompaniment, but an acoustic guitar joined her for the second line.

"_Tomorrow I'll miss you. Remember I'll always be true…" _More people began to stare, as Grey sang louder and stood on a chair.

"Grey, people are staring." Grey ignored her.

"_And then while I'm away, I'll write home every day, and I'll send all my loving to you." _By then, the whole band was playing, and the entire cafeteria watched as Grey jumped onto a table, singing down to Santana. She laughed despite herself, and watched Grey as she finished the song. People clapped politely at the end of it, and Santana was no longer smiling as she saw the judging stares from people around her.

"Grey, we need to talk," Santana sighed as Grey jumped down from the table.

"What's up, Spezz?"

"The songs. They're gonna stop." Grey's eyes lit up.

"You mean-"

"No. I'm sorry, but no." Grey's features fell and Santana's heart broke as she watched her.

"I'm sorry, Little B, but everyone knows what's going on but me. I need some time to think about everything." Grey nodded in understanding.  
>"I get it… Just don't take too long, okay?" Santana smiled at her friend.<p>

"I'll be as quick as I can, Little B."

* * *

><p>"You know what today is, right?" Santana asked Grey a few weeks later.<p>

"International Kick A Ginger Day?" Santana playfully shoved her friend.

"It involves cake, maybe some candles. Presents."

"A pyromaniac's bar mitzvah?"

"Ha. So very funny."

"Happy birthday, Spezz,"Grey said, hugging her friend, "And I've got you a present. You, me, choir room, lunchtime."  
>"Oh, Miss Berry," Santana gushed in a Southern accent, fanning her face.<br>"No sass. Just be there, got it?" Santana nodded and they parted ways.

* * *

><p>"Grey?" Santana called into the choir room.<br>"Sit down. I'm just finishing your gift," Grey yelled back, and soon after, she appeared with a wrapped present in her hands.

"I would've gotten you something cooler, like an Iron Man costume, but I have very little money, so…" Santana opened it carefully. It was a leather-bound book. Slowly, she opened to the front page.

"Grey…"

"Look, I know it's not much, but it's the best I could think of." Santana just stared at Grey, tears glistening in her eyes. She couldn't speak, let alone tell Grey to shut up and stop being absurd. Inside the book was drawing after drawing of Santana and her loved ones. Her parents, her friends… Each of them more alive than a photo. The drawings captured something else entirely, as if they had a part of their real life selves within them.

"I have something else. I know you said no more songs, but this is the last one. I promise. I know you're hesitant because Brittany hurt you, but I could never do that. As long as you want me around, I'll be here. Got it?" Santana nodded, and Grey gestured to Brad who walked to his piano.

"Hey, Brad," Santana said softly, and the man looked stunned. He gave a little nod in Santana's direction, and sat down. Grey grabbed her guitar and pulled the strap over her head. They began to play.

_When I wake up from my sleep, and wipe the night away_

_Everything about you is all I see._

_And my 'I love you's, they're forever and a day_

_As long as I have you next to me._

_Let your voice sing me to sleep_

_As your lips kiss me goodnight._

_Send the darkness away_

_And everything will be alright._

_And the days won't be so lonely._

_And the hours not that long._

_I'll give you my life._

_I'll give you my heart._

_I'll give you my song._

Santana's face was wet with tears as Grey sang the rest of the song.

"I- I wrote it myself. I'm not the best poet in the world, but I tried to explain myself as best I could."

"It was beautiful," Santana whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

"Well it was for you, after all." Santana blushed. 'Look, San, there's one more thing." Grey reached into her backpack and pulled out a piece of paper.

"I'm hoping that maybe it could happen again someday," Grey said, her voice shaking. Santana stared at the drawing. It was the day they had kissed, in fact, it was the moment they kissed, captured perfectly by Grey's pencil and talent. The detail was perfect, and Santana found herself hoping more than ever that they could reenact it. Santana stood, and took the few steps it took to reach Grey.

One hand reached out for Grey's, while the other brushed her cheek softly. They moved closer together, until Santana's lips found Grey's, and suddenly, everything was gone. The world around them ceased to exist as they stood there. Their lips pulled apart, and returned again, over and over, barely coming up for breath. Their hands remained woven together as they kissed, and finally Grey broke it, her breathing shaky.

"Wow," she murmured.

"Yeah," Santana replied. Grey pulled Santana into a warm embrace, and Santana hugged her back. They stayed in the choir room for the rest of lunch- Brad having mysteriously disappeared- alternating between hugging, kissing and laughing together.

"Look, Grey," Santana said.

"Oh no, please don't say no again."

"No, it's nothing like that, I swear!"

"Then what is it?" Santana tried to string her thoughts together to form a coherent sentence.

"It's just… For so long, this has been public… You liking me… Me obviously liking you back, too stupid to make a move… But… Now that we're together… I want this to be just ours before we make it everyone else's. Does that make sense?" Grey nodded.

"So we keep it under wraps for a while. As long as I know you're mine, I'm good." Santana smiled and leant in for another kiss, and Grey readily obliged.

_Best. Birthday. Ever._

* * *

><p><strong>AN****: So what did you guys think? Greytana is on! So the song lyrics used on Santana's birthday are my creation. They could be a lot better, but I write poems, not songs. And there's a big difference. But I hope I at least wrote okay lyrics. Oh, and Quinn has Grey's blessing (kind of), which is yay! But Grey has to keep her relationship a secret from everyone… I wonder how long that'll last ;) Anyway, leave a review or comment, and I'll post again soon.**


	11. Chapter Eleven

**DISCLAIMER****: I don't own Glee or its characters. I don't own anything mentioned. The lyrics belong to Mr Jason Mraz. However, the character of Grey is mine.**

**A/N****: Sorry it took so long. Review and enjoy :) Special thanks to my beta, as always. TriedtoLie, you're the bomb.**

* * *

><p><em>The air whipped around Grey's body as she ran, nipping at her exposed legs and face. Her heart pounded inside her chest, her muscles threatened to give out on her, but she kept running. She couldn't stop. She couldn't get caught.<br>__She approached a clearing in the middle of the forest, and finally reached a standstill. She caught her breath, and tried to listen for a sign-anything- that someone was coming for her. She stood, relieved, and even let out a laugh.  
><em>_And then-_

"_We know, Grace Charlotte Addison Harper Shephard Berry," said the demonic voice that did not at all match its blond haired owner.  
><em>"_We know your secret, Grace," said the second voice that clearly did not belong to Rachel Berry, even though it came from her mouth. Grey stared at the figures in horror, unable to speak.  
><em>"_B-b-but I had to keep it a secret!" she cried, "I had to!"  
><em>"_You will pay for keeping the secret, Grace."  
><em>"_Yes. You will pay." The figures lunged at her, teeth bared.  
><em>

_Grey's scream pierced the harsh night air._

"ARGHHHH!" Grey woke with a start. Her heart was beating hard, and she struggled to catch her breath. She screamed even louder when Rachel burst through her door, holding a heavy-looking trophy.  
>"WHO'S ATTACKING YOU?" a half asleep Rachel yelled, brandishing her weapon above her head.<br>"No-one, Rach. I had a bad dream, that's all." Rachel lowered the trophy, and rubbed an eye sleepily. She exited the room, muttering under her breath. Grey's heart began to slow down, but she couldn't shake the fear the dream had left her with. She needed to tell Rachel and Quinn about Santana. And Kurt. And her fathers. She had to tell everyone!  
><em>Don't worry, <em>she reassured herself, _Santana will be ready soon enough._

* * *

><p>Grey walked down the hallway alone, humming to herself. The corridor was filled with people, yet no-one noticed when Grey seemingly disappeared into thin air. Grey found herself being pulled into the darkness of an empty janitors' closet, face to face with Santana.<br>_Her girlfriend, _Santana.  
>Santana, who was finally hers.<br>Santana greeted her with a kiss and Grey reciprocated.  
>"Mmm," Santana moaned contently. Grey chuckled and enveloped her girlfriend into a hug.<br>"I love it that you're my girlfriend," Santana said.  
>"My tummy flips whenever you use the word 'girlfriend'."<br>"My tummy flips whenever you smile." Grey blushed, and smiled shyly.  
>"Flip," Santana breathed. Grey leant forward, and so did Santana. Soon the two were kissing again, barely bothering to come up for air. Somewhere in the distance, a bell signaled the beginning of class, and Santana swore under her breath.<br>"We're late for Spanish," Grey said.  
>"We're both fluent, anyway," Santana reasoned. Grey breathed a sigh of relief, and they got back to what they were doing before the bell rudely interrupted them.<p>

* * *

><p>Grey and Santana walked into Spanish ten minutes later, sheepish looks on their faces. They accepted their detention slip quietly, before taking their seats. Quinn shot Grey a confused look, and rolled her eyes in annoyance when Grey only gave her a shrug in return. Quinn tore a piece of paper from her notebook and scribbled a message.<p>

_G, what happened to you guys? All quiet on the Western front?_

**Don't worry 'bout it. Nothing happened.**

_You big fat liar. Now give me the truth._

**YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.**

_You suck._

**Just give me a nozzle and call me a vacuum :)**

_Grace Charlotte Addison Harper. Tell me the truth. (Oh, and you're only allowed to use emoticons online.)_

**I know I shouldn't have told you my full name. (Oh, and BITCH, I DO WHAT I WANT. ;) :P :D :O You mad?)**

_Grey. Seriously, what's going on?_

**Quinn. Seriously. I'm telling you. It's fine.**

Quinn sighed disappointedly, and left the matter alone. Grey, too, felt slightly dejected. She _wanted _to tell Quinn about what she'd done in the janitors' closet with Santana. Hopefully Santana would be ready to go public soon enough.

After Spanish, Grey caught up with Santana.  
>"Spezz," Grey said, as she casually touched Santana's butt. Santana jumped a foot into the air, and Grey laughed loudly.<br>"What's up, Little B?" Grey smiled at Santana.  
>"Well, we've been secretly dating for two weeks now, and well, I want to take you on a date." Santana beamed. "Dinner at my place. Tonight." Santana's smile faltered.<br>"B-but what about Rachel? Your dads?"  
>"Rachel's at Kurt's for a sleepover doing god knows what, my dads are having a romantic night away from home, and they think that you're sleeping over. Which you can do if you want…"<br>"You mean you want to-"  
>"Well, no. I'm not ready for that. Not yet, at least. But you're more than welcome to spend the night." Santana gave Grey a small hug, with a discreet kiss on the cheek.<br>"Dinner sounds amazing." Grey smiled widely, and walked away.  
>"Come at 7," she called out, and made her way to her next class. Santana smiled, and she, too, went to class.<p>

* * *

><p>Santana was curled up in a ball on her bedroom floor, hugging her knees to her chest.<br>_What the hell am I going to wear? _She thought.  
>"Honey, have you-" Marie Lopez stopped in her tracks. "Santana. What are you doing?" she asked, slightly alarmed.<br>"U-uh… I just… I don't know…"  
>"San? Something bothering you?" Marie asked her daughter.<br>"I don't know what to wear," Santana whispered.  
>"You may want to go with something along the lines of clothing," Marie suggested, trying to stifle a laugh. Santana's head shot up and she glared at her mother.<br>"Ma, I'm kind of having a major crisis here." Marie looked at her skeptically.  
>"Over clothes?"<br>"Grey," Santana admitted. Marie sat down on her daughter's bed and waited for her to continue.  
>"She's, well, perfect, and I'm… Me." Santana looked at her mother who gestured for her to continue. "And, I guess…. I'm scared."<br>"Scared of what?"  
>"That I like her too much. That I'm not good enough for her."<br>"Oh, San," Marie sighed, "in your eyes she's perfect because we choose to overlook the flaws of those we love. Did you ever stop to think that maybe she sees you as perfect, too?" Santana pondered her mother's words.  
>"I think I like her more than she likes me."<br>"Impossible."  
>"Why?"<br>"Because you're so LOVABLE!" Marie shrieked, pinching Santana's cheeks and killing the serious mood. Santana laughed and her mother got up to leave.  
>"Honey, maybe go with jeans and a nice top for your first date." Santana smiled. Of course her mother knew it was their first date.<br>"Ma, pinch my cheeks again and I'll-"  
>"Dear, you can't go Lima Heights Adjacent on me. I'm the one who taught you that."<p>

* * *

><p>Grey's hands stopped shaking as soon as she saw Santana on her doorstep. Santana's skinny-jeans accentuated the shape of her legs, and her My Chemical Romance t-shirt hugged her body perfectly. Grey laughed loudly, and Santana looked at her outfit in alarm.<p>

"What? What is it?" she panicked.  
>"We're matching," Grey smiled, and gestured to her own MCR shirt. Santana laughed with her, and entered the house. Seconds later, rain fell from the heavens and lightning illuminated the sky.<br>"Well there goes our backyard picnic," Grey sighed.  
>"Let's just do it in the living room." Grey raised an eyebrow, and Santana whacked her arm. "get your mind out of the damn gutter." Grey inched closer to Santana, and the two shared a quick, perfect kiss.<br>"Not the living room," Grey said, "somewhere better." She led Santana up the stairs.

"Your bedroom? God, Grey, how horny are you?" Grey rolled her eyes and opened the door. Santana gasped in spite of herself. Grey's bedroom was lined with lit candles. A red picnic blanket lay in the middle of the room, with a basket placed on top. Santana looked at Grey incredulously.  
>"But-how-what-backyard-rain-what-"<br>"Weather guy forecasted rain and thank Jesus I trusted him." Grey took Santana by the hand, and they sat on the blanket. Grey opened the basket and pulled out their dinner: take-out Chinese.  
>"All of your favourites are here, courtesy of Mr Wang's." Santana kissed Grey and murmured a thank you.<p>

They sat having dinner, laughing and talking and kissing to the playlist Grey had put together.

"Grey, are these the songs you sang to me?"  
>"Yeah. Plus ones I had in planning stages." Santana leant over, and kissed her girlfriend passionately. The leftover Chinese were soon forgotten, and the two girls sat, mouths attached, letting their senses take each other in.<br>"Grey, I stopped by to get that boo- OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Quinn screamed as she walked through Grey's bedroom door. The two girls broke apart in horror and stared at a still screaming Quinn.  
>"WHAT. NO. WHAT. WHY. THIS IS. WHEN DID THIS. NO. NO. NO. HOW. WHY."<br>"Quinn, calm down," Grey soothed. It didn't work, and Santana took matters into her own hands.  
>"QUINN SHUT THE FUCK UP AFORE I ENDS YOU." Grey sniggered at Santana's 'Lima Heights' voice. Quinn stopped screaming.<br>"W-why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell _anyone_?"  
>"That was my idea," Santana admitted, "I kind of wanted this to be ours before we made it everyone else's."<br>"Grey. How could you keep this from me?"  
>"Quinn, I wanted to tell you, I swear to God I did, but-"<br>"Grey, you're my best friend. And this isn't the first time you've kept something from me. The languages? Your friggin' near genius IQ?" Grey sighed.  
>"Quinn, I was gonna tell you-"<br>"Save it, Grey." Quinn turned and left the room in a huff. Grey ran her fingers through her hair in frustration.  
>"Babe, you okay?" Santana asked.<br>"No, Santana. No, I'm not. Because I can't tell anyone about our relationship. I can't tell the people I care most about that I'm going out with this amazing person. Because _you _won't let me.  
>"I spent months singing to you and showing you how I feel, and all you do is make us a secret. And you know how that makes me feel? I feel like shit. I feel like a giant turd because you don't want to be seen with me. Do you know how it feels? Knowing you're not good enough for your perfect girlfriend? It feels like you're a giant turd. So no, I'm not okay. I'm a turd." Santana reached out to hold Grey's hand, but Grey shrugged away.<br>"Maybe you should just… Go." Santana wiped away the tears that were cascading down her cheeks, and followed Grey's instructions.  
>She made it to her car before completely breaking down.<br>"Can't you do ANYTHING right?" she yelled to herself angrily. It was only on her drive home that her idea came to her. She pulled over to the side of the road, and whipped out her cell phone.

"Puckerman," she said into it, "I need you help."

* * *

><p>The next day, when nobody questioned her about Santana, Grey assumed that Quinn hadn't shared their secret with the Glee club. Grey approached her before lunch.<p>

"Quinn, I'm so sorry about everything." Quinn eyed Grey, distrustfully. "Really, Quinn-tastic, you have no idea how sorry I am. I wanted to tell you about Santana, I really did, but she-"  
>"Grey, I understand about the whole San thing, but I just don't get why you didn't tell me that you spoke all those languages or that you're a freaking genius."<p>

"It's because I don't want to be defined by my intelligence. At my old school, the kids hated me because I was smart. Rylan was my only friend, and I just… For so long, I've lived in shadows. My smarts, my namesakes, other kids in the orphanage… For once I just wanted people to know me for me, and not things attributed to me." Quinn smiled at Grey.

"You know, with that rant, you sound a lot like Rachel." Grey sighed.

"I know. She's rubbing off on me."

Grey sat in Glee Club with Quinn and Rachel, chatting. Santana stumbled through the door, pulling Puck by the arm. Grey tensed. _What were they doing together?_

"Mr Schue, is it okay if I sing something?" Santana asked, and when she had permission, Puck picked up a guitar. Grey's eyes went wide. Santana winked at her. The familiar melody started and the whole Glee Club realized what was about to happen.

_Well you've done done me and you bet I felt it_

_I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted_

_I fell right through the cracks_

_and now I'm trying to get back_

_Before the cool done run out_

_I'll be giving it my bestest_

_Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention_

_I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some_

_I won't hesitate no more, no more_

_It cannot wait, I'm yours_

_Well open up your mind and see like me_

_Open up your plans and damn you're free_

_Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love_

_Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing, we're just one big family_

_It's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved_

_So I won't hesitate no more, no more_

_It cannot wait I'm sure_

_There's no need to complicate_

_Our time is short_

_This is our fate, I'm yours_

Santana finished the song to the loudest cheering Grey had ever heard. She stood slowly, and sauntered over to her girlfriend. Santana leant over, and the two kissed, blocking out the excited cheers of their friends.

The duo sat down, still holding hands, and Grey leant over to whisper in Santana's ear.

"Thank you." Santana grinned, and kissed her girlfriend again.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**DISCLAIMER****: Glee isn't mine. Grey is.**

**A/N:**** Sorry it's been a while, guys. This chapter is shorter than the others and is kind of semi-filler, but only because I wanted to get this little Meet The Parents bit done. And also It gets a tad heavy in the next chapters, so I wanted something a little lighter here. **

**ALSO thank you to everyone who reviewed, favourited and subscribed to this. I appreciate all of you! (And letting you know, I'm sort of kind of a review junkie. Getting them makes my day, so let me know what you think of the chapter).**

**Apologies for the Spanish used in the chapter... I had to rely on an online translator.**

**I swear a new one will be soon. Oh, and I took Mr Lopez's name from Gleeks1990's fic, which I love and you should check out (It's called Secret Sky). And thank you, as always, to TriedtoLie, for being the bestest beta ever (I don't love her 4eva…. I love her 5eva [dat means I luv her moar dan 4eva])**

* * *

><p>"Grey, can you come here, please?" Hiram called up the stairs, the panic in his voice evident. Grey appeared a short while later, taking her headphones off.<p>

"Yeah, Hiram?"  
>"Can you PLEASE explain what the hell this is?" Hiram gestured to the computer screen, where Grey was mortified to see a picture of herself and Santana.<br>Kissing.  
>No, not just kissing, but… Snogging. Pashing. Making out. Whatever you want to call it, they were vigorously attached at the lips.<br>"You were tagged in this photo approximately three point seven seconds ago. Care to explain?" Grey was at a loss for words. An awkward silence settled between a horrified Grey and an angry Hiram.  
>A 'beep' from Grey's phone broke the silence, and Grey looked at her phone's screen.<p>

_Rachel Berry has tagged you in a photo._

Grey's eye twitched, and all of a sudden, everything was tinted red.  
>"RACHEL," she screamed as loud as she could, "GET DOWN HERE NOW YOU ABSOLUTE WANKER." Rachel came down the stairs.<br>"Grey, if this is about using your toothbrush to clean my trophies, I can-" Rachel stopped talking when she saw the look on Grey's face.  
>"Rachel. Barbra. Berry. Why the <em>hell <em>would you post that photo when you know Hiram's in his Facebook-stalker stage? Why the hell would you post it at all?" Rachel's eyes widened, and her mouth fell open in horror.  
>"Oh my god, Grey, I totally forgot about the stalking! I'm so sorry!" Behind them, Hiram was muttering.<br>"Daddy?" Rachel asked. "Everything okay?"  
>"It's just… Grey, I thought you told me things. Since when do you like Santana? Since when are the two of you together?"<br>"Well, Daddy, if it makes it better, Grey's only been with Santana for a few weeks, even though she's liked her for ages. I mean, I assume she liked her at the Sleepover Disaster, seeing as she got so upset at Santana's words. In fact-" The look in Grey's eyes told Rachel to shut up. Hiram clutched at his chest; Grey could see where Rachel got her diva-ness from.  
>"The sleepover?" Hiram shrieked, his voice rising several octaves. Rachel looked at her sister apologetically, and another silence settled in the room, only to be broken by Leroy coming home from work.<br>He stood, staring at his family, unsure what was going on.  
>"… Guys? Family? What's happening? Did I miss something?" Hiram gestured to the screen flamboyantly, and Leroy glanced at the computer.<br>His poker face was impeccable; Grey couldn't tell what the hell he was thinking. After a few moments, he looked up.  
>"Well… I guess we should invite her over for dinner," he said quietly. Grey breathed an internal sigh of relief. "Tomorrow night. Ask her if that's okay." Rachel and Grey took that as a cue to leave the room, which they did without a moment's hesitation.<p>

"Leroy, how are you so okay with… With… _This?_" Hiram asked exasperatedly.  
>"Look, Rimmy, I'm not really. I mean, Santana's got a reputation for being a heartless bitch. I don't want her hurting Grey… She doesn't need that. She's already been hurt enough." Hiram sighed and Leroy hugged his husband, giving him a soft peck on the cheek.<p>

* * *

><p>Santana opened her locker to find a note with Grey's slanted handwriting.<p>

"_Wake up, I've been waiting for you to open your eyes so I can tell you. I think I'm ready. Ready to free fall into the unknown."_  
>She smiled to herself, and it grew wider as Grey hugged her from behind.<br>"You got my note?" Grey asked, kissing her girlfriend's cheek.  
>"She's The Man? Really?"<br>"You know it, Bro," Grey said, quoting the movie. "Just one thing, though."  
>"Uh-oh, you have your guilty face on."<br>"My dads kind of… Found out about us. And Hiram was freaking out, and now they want you to come to dinner tonight. You know… As my girlfriend." Santana swallowed loudly, her throat going dry.  
>"It'll be fine," Grey continued, "I just wanted to give you a heads up." Santana huffed, and Grey chuckled, hugging her with one arm.<br>"Don't worry, they're not scary, well, actually, Hiram can be. But I'll protect you," she said, and Santana leaned in for a kiss, which Grey happily obliged to.

* * *

><p>"I'll get it!" Grey yelled, running down the stairs, and opening the front door before anyone else had a chance. Santana stood there, holding a bottle of wine and flowers, her eyes wide in nervousness.<br>"I-I got your dads Merlot and azaleas… I hope they're n-not allergic, or-"  
>"Spezz, relax. It's fine," Grey chuckled. Santana gave her a quick kiss, and Grey took the flowers from her, freeing Santana's hand and then taking it in her own. They entered the kitchen together, where Hiram and Leroy were busy preparing dinner. Leroy smiled widely when he saw the girls enter, and greeted Santana with a kiss on the cheek.<br>"Santana, it's a pleasure, as always."  
>"Yes, Santana, hi," Hiram chimed in, his voice restrained. Santana gave the men her gifts, and they thanked her.<br>"I'm going to go put these into some water," Grey said, regarding the flowers in her hand. She left the room in search of a vase. As soon as she left, Hiram and Leroy took their positions.  
>"Look, Santana," Hiram hissed quietly, "we know of your reputation as a bitch. And we do not want Grey getting hurt."<br>"So if you know you're gonna hurt her, end things now, and be done with it. Don't make it worse for her by prolonging the inevitable." Santana looked at the men, shocked.  
>"Mr and Mr Berry, I do not plan on hurting Grey. I mean it, I would rather have the two of you give me the birds and the bees talk than hurt Grey. I really like her. And I know that she makes me a better person, or whatever. She's good for me. I'm good for her. So please, just butt out of it." Leroy looked at Hiram and nodded his approval. Hiram sighed, and nodded in response.<br>"There's one thing, though," Santana continued, "If we're going to do this, I want to do it properly. Grey and I have only gone on one date, and it didn't end very well."  
>"Your point?"<br>"I want to take her out on a proper date. And I want to ask for your permission to do so."  
>"You're asking for our permission to date our daughter?" Leroy asked, and Santana nodded. "Well, permission granted." Santana smiled, and Leroy returned it. Hiram did so too, begrudgingly.<br>Grey reentered the room, the flowers in a vase. She sensed something was up, but she couldn't put her finger on it.  
>"Spezz, let's go up to my room and wait for dinner." The girls left and made their way up the stairs.<br>"OPEN DOOR!" Hiram screamed after them, and Leroy snickered.

* * *

><p>"Hello, Girlfriend," Grey said, approaching Santana the next morning.<br>"We may have a slight issue," Santana replied.  
>"Oh god, what is it now?"<br>"I told my parents about us…" Grey's heart sank- they don't approve. _They hate me. They hate us. They hate our lesbian morals._

"…. And they want you to come to dinner tomorrow night, and actually get to know you. You know that my dad hasn't actually met you yet?" Grey breathed a sigh of relief.  
>"Done deal, Babe. Nothing can be worse than Scary Hiram, right?" Grey reached for Santana's hand, and their fingers locked together.<br>"Speaking of Hiram, how come you didn't tell your dads about us?" Grey sighed.  
>"Truth be told, I didn't want them to, like, threaten you or anything. I mean, they get really overprotective sometimes." Santana let out a booming laugh, and Grey felt the butterflies erupt, despite the fact Santana and her had been going out for about a month.<br>"Oh, and by the way, my dad goes out of his way to embarrass me, so pay no attention to anything he says, okay?"

* * *

><p>"So you're the one who managed to tame this beast, huh?" Antonio Lopez said, shaking Grey's hand.<br>"Oh my god, I'm gonna kill him," Santana muttered under her breath, her face bright red. Grey looked from Santana to her father, bemused.  
>"Pay no attention to him, Grey. It's lovely to see you again," Marie said, giving her a hug.<br>"You too, Mrs Lopez. It's nice to meet you, sir." Mr Lopez laughed a deeper version of Santana's laugh.  
>"Please, Kid, call me Tony." Huh. He also called Grey 'Kid'. Though Santana inherited her mother's looks, she'd clearly gotten ahold of some traits from Tony.<br>"Let's eat," Marie said, and no one argued.

"Wait, wait. Before we go, let me break Grey in," Grey's eyes widened in alarm at the comment.  
>"Okay, Grey, get this: how many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?" Grey looked to Santana, who apparently had not heard the joke before.<br>"Oh, alright, I'll tell you," Tony continued, "Two. One to change the light bulb, and one to hold the penis- LADDER. I TOTALLY MEANT LADDER." Grey erupted into laughter, tears eventually making their way down her face. Santana turned bright red again.  
>"You're lucky it was funny, Papi," Santana growled, and Tony ruffled his daughter's hair, much to her chagrin.<br>"Now, let's eat before I say penis again, and make Santana more uncomfortable."

Dinner was a pleasant affair, despite Tony's every effort to make the girls uncomfortable. But the true highlight of the night came halfway through dessert.

"_Estoy totalmente de acuerdo con esta, mi amor. Es divertida. Y apuesto. Y no hay posibilidad de que te dejó embarazada. __**[I totally approve of this, sweetheart. She's funny. And goodlooking. And there's no chance of you getting knocked up.]**__" _Tony said, not wanting Grey to understand what he was saying.

Santana's face blushed redder than Grey had ever seen before. Grey choked on her apple parfait. And Tony, Tony looked absolutely horrified that Grey could apparently speak Spanish. The silence that settled seemed to last forever. Finally, Marie broke it with her hysterical laughter, and was soon joined by everyone else.  
>"Don't worry, Tony. I won't knock her up," Grey laughed, and Tony blushed darker than his daughter.<p>

Once Grey had returned home, she texted Santana.

_Okay. Give it to me. Do they like me? Do we have their blessing?_

**Of course. And once again, my mother would like to apologize for my father's behavior and reiterate that she will punish him.**

_Tell her not to be so hard on him. I was flattered. He called me goodlooking ;)_

**Ew, no you weren't. It's my dad. This is gross.**

_Goodnight, Beautiful._

**Gnight, Little B. And you better get ready for our super-awesome-romantic date ;D**


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**DISCLAIMER****: Glee is not mine. Neither is Friends, Adele, The Royal Albert Hall, Coldplay, Drake & Josh or Grey's Anatomy. Grey is mine, though.**

**A/N****: Hey guys, it's been a while. Anyway, this chapter was INSANE. It's a monster, the longest one yet, but it didn't take me too long to write. Things go down and it's not pretty. Sadness occurs, and I'm sorry. I've been told to slap an angst warning on here. It get's pretty angsty.**

**This chapter is first person. It's pretty straight forward who's narrating, but for people who get confused easily, regular writing is Santana and italics is Grey.**

**Enjoy, review, and keep being amazing.**

**(And, yes, thank you to TriedtoLie for being amazing and awesome and cool.)**

* * *

><p>Walking into the school building, I feel terrified. Nervous. That feeling you get right before you spew last night's burritos all over your 3rd period lab partner (yes, I know exactly how that feels).<p>

I feel like I'm about to explode, and when I do thousands of tiny butterflies will escape and terrorize the halls of McKinley.

And all because I'm asking someone on a date.

It's not even some random. I'm asking _my girlfriend _on a date, and I feel as nervous as a freshman trying out for the Cheerios. I see Little B taking books from her locker and putting them into her bag. God, she makes such a mundane task look so sexy. A million jokes come to mind including book bags, insertion and dirty librarians, but I file them away for later use. My feet subconsciously lead me to her, and before I know it, I'm kissing her hello, holding her hand, and walking her to class.  
>"Little B, I have something to ask you," I manage to say, swallowing the nerves that threaten to overtake me.<br>"Yes, m'dear?" God, her use of strange pronouns has the sexy librarian back in my head. Come on, Santana, focus. Get your head in the game.  
>"Grey, I have a super special secret date planned for tonight. I already checked with Rach and your dads, and you're good to go." She smiles at me, and the butterflies have what I assume to be a house party in my stomach.<br>"It sounds amazing, Spezz-" I shudder internally at the name, "-and now I'm gonna be freaking out for the rest of the day."  
>"I'll pick you up at 6.30 tonight, and we'll get going from there."<br>"Anything I need to bring?" I cock my head to the side and smirk.  
>"Just your face and gooey, romantic side." She giggles, and I feel myself melting into a puddle of romance and sap.<br>"See you at lunch?" she asks, and I nod softly, before forcing myself to go to my own class.

I arrive in Algebra and give Mr. Hayworth a fake note explaining my tardiness, which the idiot accepts. As I sit at my desk, I feel my phone vibrate, and I check it, not caring that the world's worst Algebra teacher might see me. Who gives a crap; he's too damn scared of me to do anything.

I look to see who my message is from, and lo and behold, it's my perfect girlfriend.

_Adele and Taylor Swift dating, breaking up and writing albums about each other. S Club 7 reuniting. Me becoming president of Earth and making liaisons with Mars and Jupiter. Making Josh Nichols the first astronaut to set foot on Jupiter._

… **I'm so confused right now, Babe.**

_Oh, I'm just listing things that aren't as awesome as our date will be ;)_

I chuckle softly, and try and give my attention to the bumbling moron at the front of the room, but my mind is returning to librarians, and Grey in glasses and some of Berry's old clothes… Hopefully Math won't be that bad today.

I pick Grey up at 6.30 on the dot, and as I see her walk towards my car, I gasp. Her hair hangs in dark, loose curls, contrasting her pale skin. Her blue-gray eyes seem electric, and her already-long eyelashes are longer than usual. Her dress is gray and black, and hugs her figure perfectly and makes my mind go blank.

All I can see is her.  
>Her house fades away, her driveway, her dads staring from the window, and all I can see is her.<br>And, holy fuck, is she gorgeous.

Once she's buckled in, I drive away, and conversation fills the silence. She tries to get me to release information about the date we are technically already on, but I keep my lips sealed. When we arrive at our destination, her confusion intensifies.

"The planetarium?" she asks, incredulously, and I nod.  
>"Papa saved the life of the director's kid, so he managed to set this up for us." I remember to later thank my father for becoming a pediatric surgeon, and that kid for not dying.<p>

I lead Grey into the domed room, and over to the very middle spot, where a blanket lies. I pick up the remote, and press the correct buttons, and soon, Grey and I are lying on our backs, watching projected stars float around in the domed heavens. I press another button, and music begins to play around us.  
>"This is amazing," she breathes, and I sigh in relief - she likes it.<br>"I planned it like Ross and Rachel's first date. I know how much you love _Friends_. I thought I could recreate it for you…"  
>"You are the most spectacular person I know, Spezz. You always manage to surprise me." We lie there a bit longer, and the song changes. Grey sits up, and tears fill her eyes.<br>"Make You Feel My Love," she says. I wipe away a tear that cascades down her cheek.  
>"You made me watch Adele's concert," I answer, reminding her of how the singer brought the stadium to life with a disco ball and lit mobile phone screens. I put my arm around her shoulder, and my other across her front, and pull her into an embrace. She lays her head against my neck, and I stroke her hair, gently singing along to the words of the song.<p>

_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true__  
><em>_Nothing that I wouldn't do__  
><em>_Go to the ends of the earth for you__  
><em>_To make you feel my love  
><em>

The song changes again, and this time, Yellow by Coldplay comes on, and I begin to sing that as well. I hear her sigh, contently, and I know that she is enjoying herself.

_Look at the stars__  
><em>_Look how they shine for you__  
><em>_And everything you do__  
><em>_Yeah they were all yellow_

We lay there for what seems like forever, but forever in a good way. Forever in the sense that I'm with the person that I care most about, and I never want to leave this position. I'm with the person I… the person I love.

Yeah, I said it. I love her. In this moment, I lie with the person I love and we listen to awesome music, and we stare at the stars and we kiss and we just… we're together.

We stay for as long as we can, before I have to drop Grey home for curfew.

I stop in her driveway, and we share a kiss. Passionate. Soft. Perfect. I bid her goodnight, and watch her walk inside.

I smile as I drive away. I know she's telling Rachel all about our date. I know she'll call Quinn and inform her about it.

And then she'll text me right before bed, and we'll go back and forth until we both fall asleep, just like we do any other night.

I laugh at myself for being nervous. The date was perfect, and Grey loved it. Ideas for the next big one spring to mind, and I get excited all over again, with the knowledge that I get to show Grey how much I care for her.

* * *

><p><em>For the next two days, all I can think of is the effort Santana put into our date. I replay different moments over and over again, the main one being Santana serenading me quietly with Adele as constellations looked over us.<em>

_We sit in the choir room, Santana by my side, our fingers locked. Quinn and Rachel sit in front of us, and we chat easily. Mr Schue walks in, and soon we're just waiting for Kurt and Blaine, the wonder couple.  
>"Seriously, where are they?" Rachel asks.<br>"Probably getting their mack on in the janitors' closet," Santana answers, and I stifled a laugh with my spare hand.  
>"Well you'd know all about that, Santana," Quinn retorts, and I lose it. My laughter echoes around the room as Santana blushes darkly. Before I can come to Santana's aid, a diversion appeared in the form of a disheveled looking Kurt.<br>"Hey, Kurt," Sam calls out, "where's your better, albeit slightly shorter half?" Kurt looks up, a dazed look on his face and tears streaming down his cheeks. We all look at him, alarmed and shocked by his state.  
>"Kurt? What's going on?" Finn asks. I ignore the hatred that rises within me at the sound of Finn's voice- Kurt just looks so <em>hurt_.  
>"Kurt? Everything okay?" Mr Schue asks, approaching Kurt.<br>"It's… uh… It's Blaine," Kurt says quietly. Sam and I jump up at the same time.  
>"Is he hurt?" The blond boy yells.<br>"His dad. Blaine's dad. He-" Kurt bursts into tears, sobs shaking his body. Sam rushes over and pulls his best friend's boyfriend into a hug.  
>"He died earlier this morning," Kurt says into Sam's arms. Somehow, we all manage to hear him, and his words leave us stunned.<em>

_My entire body goes numb, like a part of my brain shut off. I can see everyone, hear everything, but I cannot respond. The group reacts in the same way. Rachel gets up and hugs Sam and Kurt. Quinn soon rushes over, never wanting to leave Rachel alone for too long. Tina cries into Mike's shoulder, Puck and Finn wipe away a few unmanly tears. Mr Schue- who I am convinced is probably the world's worst teacher- does nothing but stand there like a curly haired idiot. I'm vaguely aware of Santana's head resting against me, soft sobs coming from her mouth. I manage to raise my arm and stroke her hair soothingly; telling her it'll be okay. All I can do is stare straight ahead, helpless. The only sound in the room is that of people crying, and I know I need to break the silence.  
>"Is Blaine… Is he okay?" I ask Kurt, my voice cracking.<br>"He's with his family. I haven't spoken to him since this morning. I was w-with him when he g-got the c-call." Kurt dissolves into tears again, and Mr Schue comes to his senses, calling an end to the meeting. The club leaves, and eventually only Santana, Rachel, Quinn, Kurt and myself remain. None of us even attempt to leave- we just sit together, not even bothering to talk. Kurt doesn't tell us how Mr Anderson died, and none of us ask.  
>"Kurt," I say, once again breaking the silence, "Do you reckon that maybe I can go and see how he is? Like… now?" Kurt smiles at me.<br>"I'm sure he'll appreciate that… He really likes you, Grey. C'mon, I'll give you a lift there." I say my goodbyes to the others, a kiss on the cheek for Santana, and Rachel promising to tell our dads where I am._

_We drive in complete quiet._

_I remember the impressive house from the duet Blaine and I performed. We walk into the home, and instantly you can tell something is missing. It's too quiet, eerily silent. Kurt walks into the living room, and I follow him. He flops down on the couch beside Cooper, clearly at home. I stand awkwardly, hovering in the doorway until Cooper spots me.  
>"Cooper, hey. I'm so sor-" My words are cut off- along with my oxygen supply- as Cooper pulls me into a hug.<br>"I'm so sorry," I manage to whisper into his chest. He whispers a thank you, and releases me from his strong grip. Mrs Anderson rises from her chair, and I can see Blaine in her features. The only difference is that Mrs Anderson's shoulder-length hair is completely straight.  
>"Mrs Anderson, I'm Grey. Grey Berry."<br>"Yes, Grey. I've heard wonderful things about you."  
>"I'm so sorry for your loss, Mrs Anderson. I know what it's like to lose people, and I'm so so sorry."<br>"Thank you, dear. If you want to speak to Blaine, he's in the garden." I follow Cooper's directions, and find myself in a big backyard, and Blaine on an ancient swingset. I sit down on the empty swing and wait a few moments before I say anything.  
>"There's a club," I say, "The Dead Dad's Club. And you can't be in it 'til you're in it. You can try to understand, you can try to sympathise. But until you feel that loss… I'm really sorry you had to join the club, Blaine." Blaine looks sideways at me, his eyes rimmed red.<br>"I'm one hundred percent sure you got that monologue from Grey's Anatomy." I stare at him incredulously. "Kurt makes me watch it. I secretly love it," he explains.  
>"Well they know what they're talking about."<br>"As long as we're quoting awesome medical dramas… 'I don't know how to live in a world where my dad doesn't'."  
>"'That never really changes,'" I quote back. The silence returns.<br>"Part of me… Part of me is relieved I don't have to be afraid anymore." It takes me a while to understand what he says.  
>"He beat you," I say simply.<br>"For being gay. For not thinking the same way he did." I laugh humourlessly.  
>"I know exactly how that feels, Blainers," I tell him, using his nickname. He looks at me, confusion settling over his sadness.<br>"Sister Judith wasn't very accepting of me being a bi-curious Jew." Blaine chuckles, and so do I.  
>"I hate him for what he did to me. For what he did to us-" Suddenly Cooper's overprotectiveness makes a whole lot of sense. "-But he's still my dad, y'know…" He begins to sob again, and I comfort him the best I can.<br>"Blaine, I will be here for you whenever you need me, until the moment you tell me to go away. I want to be there for you." I pull him into a hug, and stare over his shoulders to the house. The big, scary house that has a part of it missing. _

_I almost don't see Kurt, staring out the window at us. I give him a small nod, telling him everything's okay, yet there's something else in his eyes besides worry. He looks helpless._

* * *

><p>The funeral is a simple affair. The church pews are nearly completely filled with close friends and family, as well as Brom Anderson's work colleagues. The New Directions are here, of course, but Blaine told us all before the service started that he counts us as family. I don't cry often, being from Lima Heights and all, but when the little guy said that, I could've drowned an army with my salty Latina tears.<p>

Cooper gets up to speak, the only one to do so. A priest said some words that I did not listen to- I was too busy thinking about the next date I was planning for Grey (I know I was at a funeral, and that I'm a terrible person. One of the many reasons I'm going to hell).

It was strange, seeing Cooper standing up there next to his father's portrait, eerie even. They were identical. Cooper clears his throat and begins.

"My father was… a man. He wasn't known for being kind, but he was still nice. He wasn't especially generous, but he gave to charities. He wasn't a family man, but he provided for us. My father went through life like most people do, barely. He did what was expected of him and nothing more. And I know you all think I'm a terrible person for saying all of this at his funeral, but I'm standing here in front of a priest, in front of my dead father, and in front of a god I don't even know exists and I cannot lie. Because my father was all about being brutally honest." Cooper starts to walk away from the podium, but decides against it and rushes back over.  
>"Dad," he continues, anger lacing his words, "You are a prick. You're a bastard. And for a lot of my life I hated you. I hated your beliefs and I hated the fact you wouldn't leave me alone. Now I hate you for leaving. I hate you for making me FEEL LIKE THIS!" I flinch at Cooper's last few words. The bitterness that he screams them with makes me want to run and find my Papi, and tell him how much I love him. It makes me want to hug my Mami tight and tell her how much she means to me. It makes me want to hold onto Grey and never let go. Bile rises in my throat at the thought of losing the three people I love most forever.<p>

When I zone back in, Cooper is being led away from the podium by the man that was sitting next to Mrs Anderson. He wears a white cowboy hat and red cowboy boots, and a glorious moustache resides on his upper lip in the moustache zone. Yet underneath it all, you could see his resemblance to Cooper and Brom. He must be Uncle Jim, the one Blaine warned us all about. He has a penchant for embarrassing stories and making his relatives blush. So he's pretty much my father with a moustache and cowboy accessories. I stifle a laugh, and then face the realization that I am indeed going to hell for laughing at a man with a moustache whilst at the funeral of Moustache Man's brother.

The service finishes as soon as Cooper is seated, and everyone starts to follow the casket out of the church. Grey holds onto my arm, her face incredibly pale.  
>"I can't go," she breathes, "I can't do it."<br>"It's okay," I reassure her, "Blaine'll forgive you. Why don't we go to their house and wait for them there?" Grey nods her head and I drive her to the Anderson mansion.

We wait in the car until we see the family's car pull up, and we go inside with them.

Later in the afternoon, only a few of us remain behind with the Andersons: Man Hands, Porcelain, Q, Little B, and myself. Uncle Jim entertains us with stories of Blaine and Cooper's childhood.  
>"So Cooper walks in, completely naked and covered in traditional Native American body paints, sits down on the couch and starts eating the carrot sticks and hummus!" The group howls with laughter- myself included- and Cooper shakes his head at the memory. Jim begins to move on to a story involving Blaine, a wood chipper and a baseball bat signed by Brom's favourite batter.<br>"Can we not talk about this, please?" Blaine asks, his voice void of all emotion.  
>"Why? It's friggin' hilarious!" Cooper booms.<br>"All I remember from that incident is what happened when Dad took me into his study." Cooper tenses, and so do the rest of us. So it was true- Brom beat his son.  
>"You didn't go to school for two days because you could barely walk," Cooper whispers, his voice barely loud enough to hear. A small voice comes from the back of the room.<br>"We're not talking about this," Mrs Anderson says, "Not today, not when-"  
>"Well when CAN we talk about it?" Blaine screams at his mother, "We didn't talk about it when he was alive, we can't talk about it now that he's dead-"<br>"Your father was a good man," Mrs Anderson says sternly, her voice shaking. I shrink back into the couch, and so does everyone else. Uncle Jim remains quiet, his moustache quivering.  
>"WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO CONVINCE, MOM? ME OR YOURSELF? HOW CAN YOU SAY HE WAS A GOOD MAN AFTER WHAT HE DID TO ME AND COOP, AFTER WHAT HE DID TO YOU?"<br>"Blaine. Enough," Cooper says in a commanding tone. His teeth are clenched, and I can see a vein protruding on his forehead  
>"NO. I'M NOT GOING TO STAND HERE AND PRETEND EVERYTHING'S ALRIGHT AND I'M SURE AS HELL NOT GONNA SIT HERE AND MOURN SOMEONE WHO MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL!" Cooper jumps up and strides over to Blaine. He towers over Blaine, who doesn't cower.<br>"Do it, Coop," Blaine whispers into the silent room. We sit awkwardly, watching the scene unfold before us. Cooper doesn't move an inch, he just towers over his baby brother.  
>"Do it, Cooper, and be just like Dad."<br>Silence.  
>"Do it."<br>Nothing.  
>"HIT ME!" he screams, his words echoing across the room, piercing me. I hold on tightly to Grey's hand. Cooper does nothing but stare at Blaine, tears streaming down both their faces. I inconspicuously wipe away a few of my own. Blaine holds Cooper's gaze, but after a while, he walks away, the front door slamming behind him.<p>

Almost immediately, Grey stands up, and turns to Mrs Anderson.  
>"We'll go after him. We'll keep him safe." The lady nods, and soon all of us are walking out of the house. Blaine sits next to my car, at the top of the driveway.<br>"Get in," Grey calls out to him, and he looks up. When we get to the car, we all get in, Grey drives, Blaine has the front seat, and I'm squashed up against a window, with Kurt's hand on my ass.

It isn't very fun.

Grey drives us to a park and we all fall out of the car. She walks around to the trunk and opens it. She begins to pull out bottles of vodka. My eyes widen. Where the fuck did she get this from?

"Cooper hooked me up," she says, answering my thoughts. She hands a bottle to me.  
>"Spezz," she says, and I take it.<br>"Quinntastic," she says, handing the blond a bottle. She reluctantly accepts.  
>"Barbara." Rachel takes hers, too.<br>"Porcelain." Kurt takes his, and answers her.  
>"Annie." Grey laughs a manic laugh, clutching her stomach. She's starting to worry me.<br>"Nice one. Here ya go, Blainers." Blaine takes his bottle, and opens it quickly, chugging away. Grey pulls out her own, and bangs the trunk shut.

We sit in a circle on a patch of grass not speaking, just drinking. Well, I'm not. I don't usually pass up an opportunity to get absolutely shitfaced, but I do now. I feel like one person here should be responsible, so I nominate myself.

"The worst feeling in the world is loving someone knowing that they could never love you back," Drunk Quinn slurs, looking pointedly at Man Hands. I raise an eyebrow. Rachel just swigs her drink.  
>"That's BULLSHIT!" Grey screams, and I flinch at the sound of her voice. She sounds unhinged. I've never seen her like this before.<br>"The WORST feeling in the ENTIRE world is someone you love dying," Blaine says, his words running together, a side effect of the vodka.  
>"That, too, dear Blainers, is FUCKING BULLSHIT." Grey stands up shakily, and I straighten quickly. I'm ready to stand up in case she does something stupid, like throw herself into the nearby pond.<p>

"The worst feeling in the entire world is after someone you love dies," she yells, "When you realize that you will never ever see them again. You realize that there's a finite amount of photos of them. A finite amount of memories. You never get to speak to them, or hug them or kiss them or tell them how much you love them. You don't get to say the things you wanted to, or the things you forgot to say. You don't get to say you're sorry, you just get ever-fading memories and photos that NEVER CHANGE. AND THE CLOSEST YOU CAN GET TO THEM IS A BIT OF ROCK IN THE GROUND THAT MARKS THE SPOT OF THEIR ROTTING REMAINS. THAT, you fuckers, is THE worst feeling in the entire world. Thanks for playing, thanks for trying, but none of you know hurt quite like Grey Shephard." A part of me is impressed with Drunk Grey's philosophies, but mostly I register how she used her old last name.

Not Berry.  
>Shephard.<p>

I stand up, and take Grey's vodka away from her. I yell at the others to get their drunk, lazy asses back to the car, and once we're all in, I drive them home.

I drop Blaine off first, and soon after I get a text from Blaine's phone.

_Thanks. –Coop_

Kurt's next, and I can't get him out fast enough. He's still singing Defying Gravity as I drive away, his dad screaming at him.

Then Quinn, who gives the Hobbit a lingering goodbye hug and tells me I'm a beautiful person.

Last stop is the Berry Sisters. Rachel thanks me, and hurries inside, giggling like a fairy the whole way, and Grey stays in the car a while longer.  
>"The way you saw me tonight, San…" she pauses, tears brimming in her eyes.<br>"You don't have to explain yourself, Grey."  
>"I'm broken, Santana. I have issues and problems and I should probably be in therapy, but I just hate the idea of it so much." Drunk Grey is brutally honest. I like it.<br>"Little B, baby, you are amazing, and don't forget it."  
>"You shouldn't be with me, you should be with someone who won't drag you down," she says loudly, crying harder now.<br>"Little B, I'm only going to say this once, and only because I know you won't remember this in the morning."  
>"How dooya know that?"<br>"You drank three quarters of a bottle of vodka." She just nods her head, and I continue.  
>"Grey, you will never drag me down. As long as I'm with you, I'll be on top of the world. I love you." She plants a sloppy kiss on my lips and exits my car. I make sure she gets into the house before driving away.<p>

I lie in bed thinking about everything. I think about the Andersons and how they're going to cope. I think of Quinn and how she's hopelessly in love with Rachel.

But mostly I think of my girlfriend.

My flawed, broken, perfect girlfriend.

And I think about how I never want to let her go.

Maybe there's one person out there for us, and maybe there's not. Maybe we have soul mates. Maybe we're supposed to do what Greek mythology tells us and wander the earth looking for our literal other half.

I have no idea. Maybe love is just a chemical in my head.

All I know for certain is that when I look to my future, when I look to what I want in life, Grey is by my side.

Every single time.

* * *

><p><strong>AN****: I'M SO SORRY, YOU GUYS. It was so hard for me to write. And it may seem a bit pointless, but it does go somewhere. The repercussions of Brom's death are quite big, even if you don't see 'em at first. The reference to Adele is from her Live at Royal Albert Hall. She dedicates Make You Feel My Love to Amy Winehouse and has everyone pull out their phones and light the screens. Then a disco ball comes from nowhere and it looks like stars. It's truly beautiful. Anyway, review, alert, favourite, and leave me a message. You guys are amazing!**


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee. But Grey is mine.  
>AN: Sorry it took so long, people. School is so damn hectic I have no time to do anything anymore. Hopefully it won't be as long next time. And I accidentally uploaded this and had to delete it. So here it is. Again. As always, thank you to TriedToLie, my wonderful Beta who is awesome.**

* * *

><p>Grey opened her eyes suddenly. There it was, she heard it again. Something hitting her window. She crept over, and opened it up wide.<br>"Hello?" she whispered into the darkness, "who's there? You should know that this is more creepy than romantic, and I'm kind of fr-" Grey stopped mid-sentence as a small stone hit her forehead. She looked to the sidewalk angrily, only to find Blaine sadly smiling, the top of his head gel-free. He forced a chuckle.  
>"Blainers, what the hell?" He looked up, and Grey could see that he was moments away from breaking down. She told him to wait five seconds, and retreated back into the bedroom. She hastily threw on a bra and jacket, as well as her slippers.<br>"Jesus, Blaine, it's as cold as a witch's tit out here," Grey said as she opened the front door.  
>"Sorry," he apologized, hanging his head in guilt, "I just… I couldn't…" Tears escaped from his eyes, and he brushed them away with a gloved hand. Grey gave him a bear hug, and he cried into her shoulder.<br>"I hate him. I hate him for making me feel like this. But then-"  
>"Then you feel guilty," she finished for him.<br>"Exactly," Blaine breathed, "Thanks so much for everything, Grey. You're really an amazing person." They stood in the cold, speaking about the Regionals they had just won and what they had gotten for Christmas, until Grey yawned and Blaine deemed it too late.  
>"How you getting home?" Grey asked, breathing into cupped hands in an attempt to stop frostbite.<br>"I was just gonna walk. It's how I got here."  
>"There's no way in hell that's happening. You can stay for what's left of the night."<br>"No, that's not nec-"  
>"Blainers, either you stay the night, or I wake up Hiram to drive you, and believe me, you don't want to see Woken-Up-Hiram." Blaine sighed in defeat, and followed Grey inside.<p>

She found him some of Hiram's pyjamas in a clean laundry pile, and once he had changed, they sat in Grey's room.  
>"Blaine, what the hell are you doing now?" Grey asked as Blaine curled up into a ball on the floor, as if he were ready to fall asleep.<br>"I'm going to bed," Blaine said, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.  
>"Get up, idiot-face," Grey sighed. Blaine obeyed her command.<br>"Idiot face?" he asked, bemused.  
>"Blaine, I have plenty of room in my queen-sized bed."<br>"Grey, I don't think that's very… Appropriate." Grey snorted.  
>"Blainers, you're one hundred and fifty percent gay and dating one of my best friends. I'm going out with the scariest chick in school that would beat us both to a pulp if something were to happen, probably assisted by your sassy boyfriend. Believe me, I'm not gonna start anything, and you're sure as hell not." Blaine stared at the bed, indecisive, torn between what he thought was right and a warm bed at three in the morning.<br>"Fine," he said, "you're right." The two climbed into bed together.

Grey fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, but Blaine lay still for ages, his mind refusing to be quiet. He thought about everything- his family, Kurt, school, Grey and her kindness, the songs he had helped her with… He shot up, sitting up straight.  
>"Grey."<br>"Mrphnphmmn."  
>"Grey, c'mon."<br>"Whaaaaat?" she whined.  
>"I'm gonna sing a song."<br>"Blaine, it's 4AM. I will castrate you."  
>"No, I'm gonna sing a song in Glee. To my dad." Grey sighed and sat up, too.<br>"I want it to be about how he neglected me. I wanna sing my actual feelings, not sappy crap. And I want you to help." Grey rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands.  
>"A few things come to mind, but like I said, its four in the fucking morning. We'll talk tomorrow."<br>"G'night, Grey."  
>"G'night, Blainers."<p>

* * *

><p>"Ahem."<br>"Mrphnnnmh."  
>"A-HEM."<br>"Noooooo."  
>The slamming of her bedroom door brought Grey back to life, and she sat up quickly.<br>"Uh-oh." She muttered. Hiram and Leroy stood by her door, arms crossed and expressions angry.  
>"Shit."<br>"Shit is right," Leroy answered,  
>"What the <em>hell <em>is a boy doing in your bed?" Hiram asked.  
>"It's not a boy, it's just Blaine." At the sound of his name, Blaine rolled over and saw the Berry men standing there.<br>"Why does this always happen to me?" Blaine muttered.  
>"Are those my PYJAMAS?" Hiram shrieked. Grey sighed and explained the events that occurred early that morning.<br>"Blaine," Leroy said, "go and get changed and give your mom a call to tell her where you are."  
>"Yes, sir," Blaine said, and he left the room.<br>"Grey, we understand why you did this," Leroy began.  
>"WE DO?"<br>"But I gotta tell you that we're disappointed in you."  
>"Why, for helping a friend?"<br>"For not warning us."  
>"How could I WARN you about something that happened at 3AM?"<br>"It's not just this, Grey. You've been neglecting your life for weeks and running around with Blaine."  
>"The boy's father just <em>died<em>, Leroy!"  
>"I know that, but you need to understand that you can't just drop everything and run to him whenever he needs you. Other people need you too."<br>"He's my FRIEND. A friend who knows what it's like to be beaten and neglected and to have someone die on you. And it SUCKS that he does, but I'm helping him through it because when I help him through it, IT HELPS ME." Leroy fell silent, and paused before speaking again.  
>"Look, Grey, I get that he needs you, but so do your other friends. So do we. So does Santana." Grey went cold at the mention of Santana's name; she had barely talked to her for the past few weeks. She resolved to speak to her that day at school.<br>"I get that I need to share my time, but as long as Blaine needs me, I'm gonna be there for him."

* * *

><p>"We need to break 'em up, Porcelain," Santana said to the pale-skinned boy. Quinn was by her side.<br>"Hello, Satan. Quinn. To what do I owe this pleasure?"  
>"Grey and Blaine. We're breaking them up." Kurt nodded, absorbing the information.<br>"Truth is, if Blaine needs to talk to someone and feels comfortable with Grey, I'm more than happy to let him." At that moment, Blaine approached the trio, and kissed Kurt hello.  
>"Babe, we catching lunch today?" Kurt asked.<br>"No can do, Kurt. Grey's helping me with a song." He turned to Santana. "If you see her tell her I say thanks again for last night." He smiled, and walked away. Kurt growled, and faced Santana. _What the fuck happened last night?_  
>"All right, Satan. You have yourself a deal. The amount of time they're together is absurd. But how're we gonna do it?"<br>"I don't know about you, Porcelain, but I'm talking to Grey right now." Santana walked away, knowing where she could find Grey at this time of morning.

"Little B, what's doing?" Santana greeted, as she approached Grey's locker. Grey smiled when she saw her.  
>"Hey, Spezz. It's been a while," she replied. Santana nodded, before pulling her into a hug. They chatted for a while, and soon the bell rang signaling five minutes until class began.<br>"Look, Spezz, I'm sorry-"  
>"Grey, I gotta run, but do you want to meet up for lunch and we can talk? Because there's a few things we need to talk about." Grey's smile faltered.<br>"Oh, uh, I'm working with Blaine on a song."  
>"Surprise, surprise," Santana muttered under her breath, and Grey tensed.<br>"Santana I need to help him, you know I do."  
>"But you don't have to abandon your friends to do so!" Grey sighed; Santana sounded a lot like Leroy and Hiram had this morning.<br>"As long as he needs me, I'll help him. But I need him too, San."  
>"<em>I <em>need you! And Rachel needs you and Quinn needs you and Kurt needs Blaine! I've hardly spoken to you in three weeks!"  
>"Well talk to me when you're not jealous of the time I spend with Blaine." Grey turned to walk away, but Santana grabbed her arm, stopping her.<br>"I'm not jealous of him. I'm pissed off that you're putting him before us, and before fixing our relationship." Grey shook Santana off, and walked away, leaving Santana alone with her thoughts and tears.

* * *

><p>"Mr. Schue?" Blaine called quietly that afternoon in glee club, "I have something to sing." Mr. Schue willingly gave him the stage.<br>"I wanted to thank everyone for their support over the last few weeks. It means a great deal." Blaine took a deep breath and launched straight into his song.

_Four years old with my back to the door__  
><em>_All I could hear was the family war__  
><em>_Your selfish hands always expecting more__  
><em>_Am I your child or just a charity ward?  
><em>_You have a hollowed out heart__  
><em>_But it's heavy in your chest__  
><em>_I try so hard to fight it but it's hopeless__  
><em>_Hopeless, you're hopeless  
><em>_Oh, father, please, father__  
><em>_I'd love to leave you alone__  
><em>_But I can't let you go__  
><em>_Oh, father, please, father__  
><em>_Put the bottle down__  
><em>_For the love of a daughter_

Grey could see him begin to lose it as he sang on, which was unnerving, considering Blaine always remained professional during songs. He continued.

_Don't you remember I'm your baby girl?  
>How could you push me out of your world,<br>Lied to your flesh and your blood,  
>Put your hands on the ones that you swore you loved?<br>Don't you remember I'm your baby girl?  
>How could you throw me right out of your world?<br>So young when the pain had begun  
>Now forever afraid of being loved<em>

_Oh, father, please, father_  
><em>I'd love to leave you alone<em>  
><em>But I can't let you go<em>  
><em>Oh, father, please, father<em>

_Oh, father, please, father_  
><em>Put the bottle down<em>  
><em>For the love of a daughter<em>  
><em>For the love of a daughter<em>

The group applauded politely, and Blaine ran straight to the waiting arms of Kurt. Grey knew she was in the wrong with Santana, and turned to look at her, only to see the Latina looking away, pointedly. She sighed. She was going to have to fix it.

* * *

><p>"What am I going to do?" I moan, pacing in my bedroom. Quinn rolls her eyes, and makes a 'tch' sound.<br>"Ooh, look at me, I'm Grey. I have a girlfriend that loves me and I ruined it," she says, in what has to be the worst impression of myself that I've ever heard.  
>"Bitter Quinn is bitter," I note, and suddenly an empty Coke bottle is flying towards my face. It ricochets off my eye, and motherfuck does it hurt.<br>"Quinn what the HELL?"  
>"Oh, shit! I'm sorry." Quinn rushes over and inspects my throbbing eye.<br>"Just because you're sexually frustrated doesn't mean you get to abuse me," I say, and she leads me to the kitchen, where I sit down and wait for her to get me a packet of frozen peas.  
>"Seriously, Qui- OH SWEET JESUS THAT'S COLD- Quinn, tell her how you feel," I say.<br>"I can't do it. I don't know what I am. I don't know whether I'm gay, straight, bi, whatever. Anyway, she's not gay."  
>"Have you ever thought that you can fall in love with a person, not their gender?" Quinn remains silent. "I don't know about you, but my sister is one of the sweetest, loving, kindest people in the world, and she would love you if you were a friggin' alien. If you don't ask, you'll never know." We sit in silence for a while, Quinn mulling over my words, me nursing my bruising eye.<br>"I really love her, Q," I tell her, "I love her so much it hurts, and there's this constant ache in my chest when I'm not with her. She's… I see a future with her. I see a house and kids and Rachel living close by and I see happiness. I've never seen that before, I always saw nothingness. Yeah, maybe a faceless husband and a house somewhere with a mortgage and bills, but with her, I just see happy." Quinn turns and looks at me.  
>"Well, have you told her that?"<p>

* * *

><p>"Santana," I call out, approaching her locker. She looks away, and stalks off, clearly ignoring me. I curse inwardly.<p>

Every time I try to approach the stubborn-ass Latina, I'm met with her booty walking away from me. At least the view's nice.

Things take a turn for the worst in glee.

She stands at the front, and when given permission, launches into her song.

_You're in my arms_  
><em>And all the world is calm<em>  
><em>The music playing on for only two<em>  
><em>So close together<em>_  
><em>_And when I'm with you__  
><em>_So close to feeling alive__A life goes by__  
><em>_Romantic dreams must die__  
><em>_So I bid mine goodbye and never knew__  
><em>_So close was waiting, waiting here with you__  
><em>_And now forever I know__  
><em>_All that I want is to hold you__  
><em>_So close__So close to reaching that famous happy end__  
><em>_Almost believing this was not pretend__  
><em>_And now you're beside me and look how far we've come__  
><em>_So far we are so close__How could I face the faceless days__  
><em>_If I should lose you now?__  
><em>_We're so close__  
><em>_To reaching that famous happy end__  
><em>_And almost believing this was not pretend__  
><em>_Let's go on dreaming for we know we are__  
><em>_So close__  
><em>_So close__  
><em>_And still so far  
><em>

I run my fingers through my hair, nervously. My phone beeps, and I check it. It beeps again. And again. And again.

**QUINNTASTIC: Fix it, you love struck idiot.  
>RAYRAY: U hurt her, G.<br>PORCELAIN: Stop being a wanker, you knobhead.  
>PUCKASAURUS: Either u make it betta or ill will ;)<strong>

I ignore the messages (and the fact that someone changed Rachel, Kurt and Puck's contact names), but I know that they're right. I need to fix it. I sigh. When did my life become so complicated?

* * *

><p>I walk to her house after dinner. I tell dads that I'll be out late, and may stay at Santana's (in a separate bed, of course). It's Friday night, so I pass a few house parties as I walk. The stench of alcohol and smoke makes my stomach churn more than it already is. My coat's pulled around my waist tightly, and my beanie and scarf protect my head and neck. I ring the Lopez doorbell once. Twice. Three times.<br>Santana appears, and her indifferent expression changes to a scowl when she sees me. Not a good sign. She turns around, and starts shutting the door.  
>"Please don't close it," I say quietly, "please." She sees the pleading in my eyes and keeps it open.<br>"What do you want Grey?" she asks warily, as if she's tired of the game we're playing.  
>"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry for ignoring you for like, three weeks. What I did was wrong, and I knew it at the time, and I know it now. But... I was Blaine. I was Blaine when I was five years old. And I had no one, and I was scared 247. I wanted Blaine to have someone, because I couldn't let another person go through what I did alone." I take a breath in an attempt to calm myself before continuing. "But Blaine was never alone, he had family and friends and Kurt. And for some reason, helping him helped me. But today, you sang that song, that song about two people perfect for each other, yet kept apart… All I could think was that I was gonna lose you. And it terrified me, because you would go through life not knowing how much I care about you."  
>"But how do I know you care about me, Grey? How do I know you're not going to just shut me out again? How the fuck do I know?" I hold out my hand to her, and offer a smile.<br>"I promise I will never shut you out again, as long as you want me. And as for letting you know… Let me show you, San." She gives me a signature Lopez eye roll, and takes my hand.  
>"Oh," I say, remembering one small detail, "We need your car. I walked here." She lets go of my hand to go get the keys, and the cold air against my palm serves as a reminder that her hand belongs in mine.<p>

We drive down the empty roads, a comfortable silence falling between us, and after a while, I find the turn off.  
>"It's closed this time of night, but I found a secret way in a long time ago." I lead her to a bit of broken fence, and soon we're wondering, and I follow the familiar path to our destination. After about ten minutes, we find what we're looking for.<br>"Mom, Dad, this is Santana. Santana, meet my parents." I walk closer to the headstones in front of me, and take a tissue from my pocket and wipe dirt and bird crap from the stone. I feel guilty for not visiting in so long, but mostly I'm afraid of what Santana's thinking. She stares at the names of my parents, and I join her. _Addison Lee Shephard and Raphael Jonathan Shephard. Loving parents to Grace. Forever in the hearts of those they love. "No matter what happens, we'll always be with you. Forever." _  
>"Pocahontas was my favourite movie as a five year old. The quote was slightly altered, but I still love it," I explain. I hesitate before going on.<br>"I've never brought anyone here before," I continue, "But you… It's like you have a part of me already, because when we're apart I feel like I'm missing something; I'm incomplete. And I want you to meet my parents because when I look at you, I see a future and I see hope. And if you have a part of me, you deserve my everything." I sand beside her and take her hand, and she rests her head on my shoulder. I feel content and happy. We stay for a while, just talking, sitting in front of my parents.

We arrive back at the Lopez household and I walk her to the front door.  
>"Santana," I say, my throat closing up, "there's something I need to tell you. I.. I-I-"<br>"Spit it out, Kid."  
>"I love you. I love you more than anything. I love like movie love. Like, the kind of love Channing Tatum falls into, or Kate Hudson finds. I love you so much it physically hurts me when you're not around. My heart, it feels like it's about to just… leap from my chest and I can't control it, because it's not mine anymore. It's yours."<br>"Grey?" I look up, my face bright red.  
>"Yeah?" She kisses me.<br>"That was the." Kiss. "Cheesiest." Kiss. "Fluffiest." Kiss. "Most perfect 'I love you' of all time." Kiss. "Oh, and Grey?" Kiss. "I love you too."  
>She kisses me for longer this time, and before long, our hands begin to wander.<p>

"My parents are out," she says, and I realize what she's saying. I quickly SMS Rachel and tell her that I'm not coming home. Santana pulls me up the stairs, fervently kissing me as we go. We bust through the bedroom doors and I pause.

"I'm nervous," I whisper.  
>"That makes two of us," she replies, "how bout this: we take it slow. Shirts off on three." I nod, a nervous chuckle escaping my lips.<br>"One," I say.  
>"Two."<br>"Three." There's a pause, and a rustling of clothing.  
>"Fuck," I say, staring at my perfect girlfriend.<br>"You're so beautiful," she tells me, and I blush. Despite the cold bedroom air, my skin is on fire. We inch closer and closer together, until finally we're holding each other, mouths pressed against one another.  
>"Nice and slow," I mutter.<br>"I love you," she breathes.  
>"Back atcha."<p>

And then the fun began.

* * *

><p>"Good morning," I whisper, and Santana opens her eyes, and yawns contently.<br>"Hey, Beautiful."  
>"I could get used to this."<br>"Sex?" I chuckle.  
>"Waking up next to you, Spezz." She kisses me on the nose.<br>"You killed it by calling me Spezz." I laugh again, and kiss her back, our lips touching.  
>"So, should I make breakfast, or you?" I throw my shirt on from last night (and a pair of San's undies. Hot, I know) and we make our way downstairs. She takes out the breakfast ingredients.<br>"Cheerios?" I ask, incredulously.  
>"I make a mean bowl of cereal." I laugh, and we eat slowly.<p>

Santana drives me home, and it nearly kills me saying goodbye to her. As soon as I walk through the front door, I get a text.

**SPEZZ: I love you :)**

I grin, and send her the same back. I hear noise coming from the kitchen, and I walk in, finding my family (and Quinn) eating breakfast.  
>"Good morning family and Quinn," I practically scream, my euphoria from last night and this morning still present. I hug each of them around the neck tightly, before pouring myself orange juice, singing under my breath.<br>"Jeez, someone's in a good mood," Quinn says, and Rachel and my dads chuckle.  
>"The sun is shining, birds are singing, and I, ladies and gents, made up with my girlfriend and all is right with the world!" They all stare at me.<br>"… Grey, it's the coldest January morning in forty years. I'm pretty sure the birds are all dead." I shake my head.  
>"<em>Metaphoric<em> sun, Lee Lee! _Metaphoric_!"  
>"It sounds like you got lai-" Quinn's eyes widen in recognition, and I vehemently shake my head, not wanting Leroy and Hiram to find out. And soon she's pulling Rachel and I up the stairs.<br>"Since when does she call me Lee Lee?" I hear Leroy ask, and Hiram snorts into his coffee.

"Speak," Quinn commands as I sit on my bed. Rachel sits on the floor next to Quinn.  
>"I told her I love her. And then she said it back. And then we had sex." Quinn whooped, and Rachel put both hands on her ears.<br>"Eeeew. Don't tell me that! My sister and _Satan? _Eeeeeeew." I tell them about my perfect night, without going into too much detail, and finish by telling them both not to breathe a word of this to anyone. Including Santana.  
>"I know she's going to want to tell you herself, so don't let her know you know." Rachel leaves to go 'burn her ears off' and it's just Quinn and I.<br>"Quinntastic, what are you doing here anyway?" She blushes bright red.  
>"I spent the night. Sleepover."<br>"You hound, you. Trying to get in my sister's pants."  
>"Shh!" I just laugh, and as Rachel returns, my phone beeps.<p>

**SPEZZ: I love you. God, saying it never gets old.**

My grin widens, and I reply.

**REPLY: I love you too. Everything about you.**

Yep, it's a beautiful day outside.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Songs used are So Close- Jon McLaughlin, and For The Love of A Daughter- Demi Lovato. Also, just gotta say that the character Grey was named for died. I am devastated. I watch a lot of TV, and she was my favourite character in all of TV history.**


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**DISCLAIMER: Glee isn't mine. Neither are any songs used. Or any people mentioned. Grey is mine, though.**

**A/N: I'm baaaack. So enjoy, and maybe leave me a review or a PM or an ask on tumblr. All the thanks in the world to my beta TriedToLie, who is insanely awesome and makes me write.**

* * *

><p>"Crap," I mutter, "crap, shit, titties." Santana laughs at me and I pout. She rolls her eyes playfully, and soon I'm in her arms, held tightly.<br>"It'll be fine," she reassures me, "you'll be perfect."  
>"What if I screw it all up?"<br>"Well, first, we'll kick you out of the club, and then-"  
>"Shut up. I hate you."<br>"I love you too," she tells me, placing a chaste kiss on my lips.  
>"You there, on the stage now," someone yells at me, and I try to stop my hands from shaking. A loud voice booms around the auditorium as I take my place.<br>"Ladies and gentlemen, from Lima, Ohio, the Nuuuude Erections!" I supress a laugh at our club's idiotic name. At least we're not Aural Intensity.  
>I stand in the middle of the stage, and grasp the microphone as hard as I can.<p>

* * *

><p>Two Months Earlier:<p>

"Okay, guys, we've just received the theme of nationals this year!" Everyone's attention is focused on Mr Schue… Well, I'm also focused on the fact that Grey's hand is on my thigh.

Wanky.

"Finn, drumroll please…" The comically oversized boy obeys Schue, and the teacher stares at us all.  
>"Big." I gaze around at the faces of my friends, and thank Jesus I'm not the only puzzled one. He can see that we're confused, so he elaborates.<br>"Basically, songs with big energy. That's the gist of it."

* * *

><p><em>They're gonna clean up your looks<em>  
><em>With all the lies in the books<em>  
><em>To make a citizen out of you<em>  
><em>Because they sleep with a gun<em>  
><em>And keep an eye on you, son<em>  
><em>So they can watch all the things you do<em>

_Because the drugs never work_  
><em>They're gonna give you a smirk<em>  
><em>'Cause they got methods of keeping you clean<em>  
><em>They're gonna rip up your heads,<em>  
><em>Your aspirations to shreds<em>  
><em>Another cog in the murder machine<em>

* * *

><p>"I'm Sexy and I Know It!" Artie screams above the cacophony that is the choir room.<br>"We know, Artie, you're very sexy!" I say with an eye roll, earning a few snickers.  
>"Be nice," Grey chastises, and I give her a kiss.<br>"Okay." I hear someone make a whip sound behind me. I gesture rudely over my shoulder.  
>"Come on, guys! Think!" I try to ignore Schue's voice. Something about it makes me want to punch a kitten in the face. Our trains of thought are broken when someone's phone starts blaring My Chemical Romance's Teenagers.<br>"Sorry," Mike apologizes hastily.  
>"Wait," Grey says, "that's perfect!" Kurt nods in agreement.<br>"Teenagers and… and…"  
>"Welcome to the Black Parade!" Grey and I finish together. Everyone agrees, and Mr Schue writes them on the board.<br>"One more," he says, and I grin, raising my hand. I know the perfect song.  
>"Some Nights."<p>

* * *

><p><em>They say those teenagers scare the living shit out of me<em>  
><em>They could care less as long as someone'll bleed<em>  
><em>So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose<em>  
><em>Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me<em>

The others begin coming onto the stage, and I just focus on the song.

_The boys and girls in the clique_  
><em>The awful names that they stick<em>  
><em>You're never gonna fit in much, kid<em>  
><em>But if you're troubled and hurt<em>  
><em>What you got under your shirt<em>  
><em>Will make them pay for the things that they did<em>

* * *

><p>"So we have the songs, but who's gonna sing them?" Sam asks. <em>That <em>makes everyone stop.  
>"Black Parade should be a group number," says Puck, "Same as Some Nights." We all agree.<br>"So Teenagers is a solo… But who?" I roll my eyes at Mr Schue. Just assign it, dickhead, don't make us fight over it. Kurt puts his hand up.  
>"Uh, Kurt, I don't think that your voice really suits the song," Schue says, and Porcelain just laughs out loud.<br>"Not me, god, Mr Schue. I'm voting Grey." I smile, while Grey blushes in confusion.  
>"I-I-I don't think th-"<br>"Grey, your voice suits the song perfectly," Blaine reassures her. Grey starts panicking.  
>"I can't sing in front of that many people! I'll ruin everything! I'll lose us Nationals!" I take her hand and squeeze it tight. She squeezes it back even harder. I try not to wince.<br>"Grey, if you don't do this, we're no longer friends," says Quinn.  
>"But-"<br>"All in favour of Grey?" Rachel asks with an eye roll. I can tell that Grey's worried about stealing the solo from Hobbit. Everyone raises their hand- Rachel included- and it's decided. I shoot her a supportive smile, and she gives me a grimace in return.

* * *

><p><em>They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me<em>  
><em>They couldn't care less as long as someone'll bleed<em>  
><em>So darken your clothes<em>  
><em>Or strike a violent pose<em>  
><em>Maybe they'll leave you alone<em>  
><em>But not me<em>  
><em>Woaaah, yeah!<em>

The musical interlude plays and I do the usual bad solo dancing, while my friends stamp their left feet in time with the music. As the next chorus begins, we all clap our hands as we sing along. Then the final chorus plays.

_They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me_  
><em>They couldn't care less as long as someone'll bleed<em>  
><em>So darken your clothes<em>  
><em>Or strike a violent pose<em>  
><em>Maybe they'll leave you alone<em>  
><em>But not me<em>

I bow my head, and absorb the thundering applause I'm getting. My heart swells with pride as I wait for the next song to begin.

* * *

><p>"Come on, Grey, you can do it!" Rachel exclaims, and I bob my head in agreement. Me agreeing with Hobbit; there is a God. Grey is freaking out in front of us, and we have no idea what to do. Singing in front of people. Elaborate dance moves. They resulted in the biggest set of nerves I've ever seen.<br>"This is just stupid! I'll tell Mr Schue to give my solo to one of you guys, you'd do it better anyway." I roll my eyes, and make her run through the numbers again. I know she can do it- we all know she can.  
>"Once more, Little B, then we can get our mack on." Rachel dry retches, and I smirk at Grey's blush. Anything to get the job done.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck<em>  
><em>Some nights, I call it a draw<em>  
><em>Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle<em>  
><em>Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off<em>

_But I still wake up, I still see your ghost_  
><em>Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh<em>  
><em>What do I stand for? What do I stand for?<em>  
><em>Most nights, I don't know anymore...<em>

The song is immediately a hit. The crowd is still standing from my performance, and this is getting them more riled up. Jesus, my girlfriend is an absolute genius for suggesting it. I make a mental note to do something special as a thank you.

_This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?_  
><em>Why don't we break the rules already?<em>  
><em>I was never one to believe the hype - save that for the black and white<em>  
><em>I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style<em>

_And that's alright; I found a martyr in my bed tonight_  
><em>She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am<em>  
><em>Oh, who am I? Oh, who am I? mmm... mmm...<em>

* * *

><p>"Call me when you get to New York."<br>"And bring me back a shot glass for my collection."  
>"Stay safe, and stay with the group."<br>"Oh! And get me one of those hats from the Statue of Liberty that look like _her _hat!"  
>"Listen to Mr Schue and Miss Pillsbury, and dress nicely, no stripper clothes!"<br>"Ma!"  
>"Try and find Tina Fey. And Jay Leno! Ooh! Go Conan O'Spotting!" I roll my eyes.<br>"Papi, you hate Conan," I reason.  
>"Damn gingers," he mumbles. Mami slaps him. I laugh as she looks around, trying to see if Miss Pillsbury heard him.<br>"Tony!" she says, scandalised. I shake my head, and look over at Grey, who is being barraged by Leroy and Hiram. Rachel stands next to her, all her attention focused on her fathers. I smile again as Grey catches my eye. We hear an announcement for our flight, and Mami's eyes start to water.  
>"Stay safe, Mija! I'm gonna miss you!"<br>"I'll miss you too, Mami. You too, Paps."  
>"Don't do anything stupid, Squirt. Love you." I walk over to Grey and take her hand, and we board the flight with our friends.<p>

* * *

><p><em>The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me<em>  
><em>I called you up, but we'd both agree<em>  
><em>It's for the best you didn't listen<em>  
><em>It's for the best we get our distance... oh...<em>  
><em>It's for the best you didn't listen<em>  
><em>It's for the best we get our distance... oh...<em>

The song ends, and the place goes mad. I grin widely, and smile at Santana, who winks in return. We all stand completely still, and the first notes of the last song start. I sing the first verse with Puck.

_When I was a young boy,_  
><em>My father took me into the city<em>  
><em>To see a marching band.<em>  
><em>He said,<em>  
><em>"Son, when you grow up,<em>  
><em>Would you be the saviour of the broken,<em>  
><em>The beaten and the damned?"<em>  
><em>He said<em>  
><em>"Will you defeat them,<em>  
><em>You demons, and all the non believers,<em>  
><em>The plans that they have made?<em>  
><em>Because one day I'll leave you,<em>  
><em>A phantom to lead you in the summer,<em>  
><em>To join the black parade!<em>

* * *

><p>"These rooms are awesome!" Mercedes yells, and everyone cheers in agreement. We dump our bags, and start getting settled when Mr Schue walks in.<br>"You guys, you've got two hours of free time as of now. Then we meet back here and do some practise, got it?" I grab Grey by the hand, and race out the door.  
>"Where are we going?" she says, out of breath, and I give her an evil laugh in response.<p>

Soon we're walking towards Central Park, hand in hand, laughing at everything. I see a bakery, and make Grey wait outside as I go in and buy us something to eat.

"It's so beautiful here," Grey says, lying on the grass, licking the icing from her cupcake, "I want to live here."  
>"One day," I tell her, "one day soon." She sits up to look at me. She stares intently, her big eyes boring holes into me.<br>"What? Do I have icing on my face?"  
>"I love you. So much. I love you. A-and every step I've taken since I met you has made me love you more than ever before. I love you. You take my breath away, and frankly, if you've got it, I don't want it back." I smile, slightly taken aback, but I lean forward to kiss her anyway.<br>"Where did that come from?" I ask.  
>"I just really love you."<br>"I love you more."  
>"Impossible," she breathes, and soon we're tangled up in each other's arms, barely breathing. Her smell is intoxicating, and her touch makes me forget that we're in a public domain. And in that moment, I understand that I truly love her more than I realise. I would literally do <em>anything <em>for her. If I were to lose her, I would be incomplete; I would be nothing.

* * *

><p>My fingers are intertwined with San's. She rubs circles onto the back of my hand with her thumb. Quinn's on my other side, Rachel hanging off her. God, if we win, I'm making sure they get together.<br>"And now, the 2011 National Show Choir champions are…" I hold my breath, and can no longer feel my hands. Shit, Lopez, Fabray, stop squeezing them so hard.  
>"The New Directions!"<p>

Fuck.  
>Yes.<br>Oh my god.  
>Fuck.<p>

I jump up and down with Santana, Q and Rachel. Puck ruffles my hair, and I smile at Spezz, laughing hysterically.  
>"You did it!" she screams, kissing me, "We did it! We won!" She kisses me, this time longer. We break away, the euphoria of the moment washing over us.<br>"I want to marry you!" I yell.  
>What.<br>Santana stops. So do I. So does everyone around us. Time slows down as I realise what I just said.

Fuck. Me and my big mouth.

* * *

><p>"Grey, come out already!"<br>"Noooo."  
>"C'mon! Greylarious, we just want to talk."<br>"Nooooooo." Rachel huffs, and Quinn folds her arms, and I roll my eyes.  
>"You guys aren't gonna get anything done," I say harshly.<br>"Then YOU do it!" Rachel says, her eyes challenging me. Okay, Berry. You're on. I take a deep breath, and bring my Lima Heights voice out to play.  
>"Little B come out right now afores I end you. I swear to God, I will whoop your ass." I hear Grey sigh, and the doorknob turns. I smile triumphantly at Rachel, and as the door opens, her, Quinn, and the rest of the glee club who have been spectators to this whole debacle walk away, pretending to not have been listening. I look at Grey properly.<br>She's still dressed in our costumes, and god, the dress is hugging her perfectly. She looks dishevelled, like she keeps reliving the moment when she accidentally proposed to me.  
>"Hi," I say softly.<br>"Hi," she replies, her mouth turned into a pout. God, she's so sexy.  
>"So… You… wanna…. Marry? Me?" I smile, somewhat confused, and she looks up at me, her big eyes filled with… fear. Fear of rejection.<br>"Well… Yeah." Oh. Wow. I didn't expect to hear her say it so bluntly. My eyes widen, and she can tell that I'm sort of freaking out.  
>"Not, like, right <em>now<em>," she continues, hastily, "but one day, when we're both finished with school… I don't know. All I know is that if you let me, I'll love you forever." Grey receives a kiss for her honesty, and I hug her tight. I think about what she said, and I think about our talk in Central Park. I love her more than anything, and it sucks that I'm not good with words like she is. It's unfair.  
>"Sometimes, I wish I was good with words like you are. I mean, I can't phrase how I feel, and I feel like… You don't get just how much I love you. Because to me, no words feel like they're doing my feelings justice. I love you. I don't know how many times I can say it, but it's true." I kiss her again.<br>"So…" I continue, "one day soon, when we finish school," I kiss her, "You'll make an honest woman out of me."  
>"I love you so much," she tells me.<br>"Back atcha, Kid." We stand there for a while, hugging, kissing, being with each other, when a thought pops into my head.  
>"You realise… We sort of just got engaged."<br>"Hmm… Kind of. It's more of a promise for some day soon."

"Sounds perfect."

* * *

><p>"Just… Keep her busy, okay? Please?" I ask Quinn.<br>"Yeah, but will you tell me why?"  
>"Probably not!" I yell as I run from the room. Our flight back to Lima leaves in four hours, and we're leaving the hotel in one. Which means I need to rush.<br>I go to the store that I found a few days before, and pick up my order.  
>They're perfect.<br>And I'm sort of freaking out.

Back at the hotel, I pull Santana from our shared room.  
>"Where are we going?" she huffs as we climb the mountain of stairs.<br>"You'll see. But I'm kind of surprised you haven't guessed yet." Finally, we reach our destination, and I open the door for her.  
>"Oh my god." We stare out over the garden that's on the roof of the hotel. I take her hand in mine, and we walk slowly, looking among the flowers, peering down to the city below us.<br>"Santana, I have something for you," I tell her, and I pull her present from my pocket.  
>"Grey… Are you <em>proposing? <em>I thought we went through this the other night!" I chuckle, and she continues rambling, switching from English to Spanish as she goes.  
>"No, San, calm down. Look at me!" She stops, and I take her by the hand.<br>"It's a promise ring. It means that one day, you'll be mine forever, but for now, we're just two kids taking life as it comes. It means that I promise to love you and keep you safe." I slide it on her ring finger, and I take out my matching one, and she puts it on for me.  
>"I'll love you forever," she tells me, and I believe her.<p>

Because I love her too.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Betcha didn't see that one coming. So the songs used are as follows: Teenagers by My Chemical Romance, Some Nights by fun., and Welcome to the Black Parade, also MCR.**

**Until next time,**

**LH.**


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or anything else that may be mentioned. I do, however, own Grey.**

**A/N: Holy crap sorry you guys. I was struck down with writer's block and just ended up deleting my first attempt at this chapter and rewriting. Also, I'm bogged down with loads of school work and other extracurricular activities and such. I was told that I should probably slap a warning on here, because it's gonna get pretty dark from here on in. So just be warned. **

**As always, thank you to my marvellous beta, TriedtoLie for absolutely EVERYTHING.**

**Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>"Welcome to new year at McKinley, fellow students! Another year, another group of freshman, another group of graduating seniors. Jacob ben Israel here, bringing you the hottest gossip from summer vacation. Let's speak to some of the graduating class.<p>

"Rachel Berry, is it true that you and football tall person Finn Hudson are back together?"  
>"Yes. We've been going steady for the past two months. I have forgiven him and we've moved on."<br>"Is it also true that Quinn Fabray is upset over the reconciliation due to her lesbian feelings?"  
>"Wha-? No! Quinn has no worries over my relationship. She's my best friend, and definitely not <em>gay.<em>Besides… She's taken."

"Santana Lopez and Grey Berry tied for McKinley's favourite same-sex couple. My sources tell me you guys are still together and happier than ever."  
>"For once in your sad, sad, pathetic, Jew-fro-filled life, you're right."<br>"Spezz, stop being mean. It's not his fault he's so socially incompetent."  
>"Grey, is there any chance you can get me a pair of your sister's panties?"<br>"… What? What the hell is WRONG with you? Get out of here!"

"Puck Puckerman-"  
>"That's not my name."<br>"Puck Puckerman, there have been rumours that you and Quinn Fabray have become friends with benefits. Care to shed any light on the situation?"  
>"I can neither confirm nor deny that."<br>"… Why are you nodding your head?"

"Kurt and Blaine Gay Couple. Is it true that Blaine was sent to rehab for his addiction to hair gel?"  
>"What? No!"<br>"That _is_an excellent suggestion, though."

"Quinn Fabgay and Puckerman, our sources have confirmed that you two are, in fact, together."  
>"And who is your 'source', you freak?"<br>"Puck."  
>"Damnit, Noah… Yeah, it's true."<br>"Is it also true that you're dating Puck as a cover for your homosexual feelings for one Rachel Berry?"  
>"Look here, Jew Fro, Puckerman isn't <em>anybody's<em>beard, got that?"

* * *

><p><strong>QUINN'S PERSPECTIVE:<strong>

"You know that you're my beard, right?" I ask Noah during our lunch break in an empty classroom. He sighs.  
>"Yeah, I know. I gotta say, you loving my Jewish Princess is kinda hot." I hit him in the arm.<br>"Ow!" We're silent for a while.  
>"Do you ever miss her?" he asks out of nowhere. My breath catches in my throat. I knew she was going to come up eventually. She's part of the reason I asked Puck to help me; we had a weird bond ever since… She happened. I realise that I haven't answered his question.<br>"Every day," I whisper, and I see my sadness mirrored in his eyes.  
>"But we did the right thing," I continue, "We had no idea what to do. We weren't prepared."<br>"We would've learnt," he replies, almost inaudibly, and I fight the tears that threaten to spill over.  
>"You would've been a great mother, and I would've been an awesome dad, and we would've been a family." I take his hand in mine.<br>"Noah… You know it wouldn't have been enough. Shelby was able to provide for her and give her what she needed. We're still kids ourselves." He wipes away tears with his free hand, and mine fall from my eyes. And that's how we spend lunch, holding each other as we cry for the child we gave away.

A few days later, we meet for lunch again.  
>"We have a problem," Puck says, entering the room. I roll my eyes. Great, just what we need.<br>"What have you done now?"  
>"It's not me, it's Grey. She thinks that something's 'off' about us." My mouth drops open.<br>"She _said _that to _you_?"  
>"Nope." He doesn't elaborate. I hit is arm.<br>"Oh, right," is his sheepish reply, "I read her journal."  
>I hit him again.<br>"Ow! I had to! I found it in the choir room after practise and had to see who it belonged to."  
>"How much did you read?" He doesn't answer.<p>

"Puck," I say, warningly.  
>"Y'know… The whole thing." I whack his arm a third time.<br>"Noah, you prick! What the hell is wrong with you?"  
>"I wanted to stop but I couldn't! It was so good!"<br>"It isn't a book, jackass. It's. Her. Journal." He sighs dramatically.  
>"Can we get back to the problem? Grey is gonna out you." My eyes narrow.<br>"Us. She's gonna out us," he says hastily, fixing his mistake.  
>"But how? How does she know?"<br>"I remember something about you being head over heels in love with Berry. Also something about she 'knows you' and she 'knows that you wouldn't just be over Rachel after two months.' Face it, Fabray, she knows you better than you think."  
>"Crap," I mutter, pacing back and forth, "What are we gon- WAIT!" Puck jumps at my outburst.<br>"Let's just pull a Grey," I say with a devilish smile. He doesn't get it. I sigh.

"How would you like to sing a duet with Blaine?"

My brilliant plan goes into effect three days later. Puck and Blaine stand at the front of the choir room, Puck his guitar of choice in hand.  
>"Quinn, have you seen my journal anywhere?" I avoid her gaze guiltily and shake my head no.<br>"Okay, for our first song of the year, I give you Puck and Blaine!" Mr Schue announces, and we clap politely.

_Too many voices  
>Too many noises<br>Invisible wires keeping us apart  
>So many choices<br>Some disappointments  
>And they only steal me away from you<br>Climb into our private bubble  
>Let's get into all kinds of trouble<br>Slide over here let your hands feel the way  
>There's no better method to communicate<br>So girl stop your talking  
>Words just get in the way<br>I'll be your man  
>So baby come over<br>From the end of the sofa  
>I'll be your man<br>I'll be your man_

And the crowd goes wild. I manage to use my superb acting skills to act all surprised and whatnot, and Kurt pulls it off perfectly, too (though he's not actually acting).  
>Puck saunters over and places a kiss on my lips, which I return softly. We smile sweetly at each other, and he takes my hand as he sits down.<br>Rachel stands up.

"Mr Schue, I also have a song I'd like to perform. For Finn." He gives her the go ahead, and I stiffen automatically. Puck squeezes my hand gently. He may be, well, douchey and stupid at times and he did knock me up, but he can still be ridiculously sweet and kind.

_call you up when I know he's at home,  
>I jump out of my skin when he picks up the phone<br>What can I tell if he's looking at me?  
>Should I give him a smile?<br>Should I get up and leave?  
>I know it's strange, I don't what I'm thinking<br>But is it wrong if I see him this weekend  
>I really hope I can get him alone<br>I just don't, don't want her to know  
>Yeeeeaaah<br>My best friend's brother is the one for me  
>Yeeeeaaah<br>A punk rock drummer and he's 6 foot 3  
>I don't want to, but I want to,<br>Cause I just can't get you out of mind!  
>Yeeeeaaah<br>My best friend's brother is the one for me  
>BFB, BFB<br>My best friend's brother, my best friend's brother_

By the end of her song, I can feel tears approaching, and it sucks. I tried ignoring my feelings for Rachel, and it didn't work. Then, just when I thought I might have a chance, she went and got back together with Finnept. And now, my plan to make her jealous clearly isn't working. Fuck you, Rachel Berry, you plan ruiner.

* * *

><p><strong>GREY'S PERSPECTIVE:<strong>

"Hey, Kid," Santana says and kisses me. I smile and she smiles in return. I still get butterflies when I see her, and they go absolutely bat-shit crazy when she smiles. We walk through the mall hand in hand, on our Saturday Day Date (not to be confused with out Saturday Night Date). We get a few looks from people, but mostly they just leave us alone.  
>"So are we getting dinner tonight? Cheesecake Factory Saturdays? I love this new tradition," she says wistfully.<br>"Don't let Breadstix hear you say that," I laugh, and she nudges me in the ribs. "And I'd love to have dinner with you tonight, but I can't," I reply. We continue walking, when out of nowhere she pokes me in the ribs again.  
>"Ow." Oh, right, I should probably give her an explanation. "I'm having dinner with friends of my parents- my <em>original <em>parents."  
>"Oh. <em>Oh.<em>"  
>"Yeah. We catch up every so often. I can't stand them."<br>"So why do you do it?"  
>"They were my parents' best friends in the whole wide world, I can't not go." I hesitate before speaking again.<br>"And I hate them because they were supposed to adopt me and didn't."  
>"You're KIDDING me!" Santana says loudly, causing several passersby to look at us.<br>"I shit you not," I tell her, "they're one of those two-incomes-no-kids couples. Completely in love with their jobs and each other. No room for babies or orphans." Santana looks appalled.  
>"But how could they just… leave you? How can people do that?"<br>"And now you see why I hate them." She changes the subject, and we begin talking about more pleasant things, but I do it half-heartedly. All I can think about is tonight and the two people I hate most in the world. San kisses me and tells me it's going to be okay. For once in my life I don't believe what she's saying.

"You girls ready?" Hiram calls up the stairs, and we come downstairs, both of us wearing nice dresses. I hate dresses. Of course we have to meet the Turners in a fancy restaurant out of town. Leroy walks up to the three of us, fumbling with his tie  
>"Lee, will you ever learn how to tie a damn tie?" Hiram asks exasperatedly, as he fixes it for him.<br>"Now why would I do that if I have you?" Leroy smiles and gives Hiram a quick peck on the lips. Hiram smiles, and prolongs the kiss. Rachel and I fake gag. Leroy playfully swats us away as they continue kissing. Finally- after what seems like eternity- they break apart, and I sigh in relief.  
>"Why do we have to go?" Rachel whines.<br>"I told you, we're supporting your sister," Hiram scolds.  
>"But I don't wanna go either," I pout, mimicking Rachel's tone. Leroy just glares at us both and points at the closet.<br>"Coats. Now." We sigh, and do as we're told.

The car ride's the same as always- Rachel and I begin by fighting over whose iPod we listen to. Seeing as we're visiting my parents' friends, I win. I choose an obnoxious song that I know Rachel hates, and I sing along as loudly as I can.

"LIFESTYLE. OF THE RICH AND THE FAMOUS. ALWAYS COMPLAINING. ALWAYS COMPLAINING. IF MONEY IS SUCH A PROBLEM. WELL THEY HAVE MANSIONS. THINK WE SHOULD ROB THEM."  
>"Daddy, please, turn it down. I swear to god I will vomit from the absurdity of this song. Daddy. Oh god. No." Rachel puts a hand over her mouth out of disgust as both our dads begin head-banging along with the song and I. As we arrive at the restaurant, Rachel falls out of the car muttering "Oh thank sweet Jesus" as she goes, and Leroy pulls us both aside and warns us to be on our best behavior.<br>"Yes, Uncle Vernon," Rachel mumbles as he walks away, and I break into laughter.

As we walk into the fancy diner, I spot January and Bradley almost straight away; they're their usual snooty selves.

The usual pleasantries are exchanged and we sit down to eat. The table is circular, so each person can see everyone clearly; I'm sat between Hiram and Rachel. January passes me a small felt purse, and I empty it's contents onto my hand.  
>A gold wedding band and an old-looking watch.<br>"The wedding band is-was- your father's. The watch, your mom's mom. We have more of their things in storage, and I thought that maybe you might like some of them. If not now, when you turn 18 everything's yours. There's also a bank account with their savings that's been collecting interest for the past eleven years. It's been untouched, and it's yours, too." I whisper a thank you, and slide the ring onto my thumb. It's a perfect fit. I put the watch back in the purse, and into my bag.  
>"So how's school going, girls?" January asks me, and I roll my eyes as Rachel flashes her mega-watt smile. They make small talk as I sulk. I know I should be kinder, but I can't; so much resentment towards the two people sitting across from me has built up and I can't see past it. My plan of not speaking is working- by the time the entrees arrive, I've barely said three words to the Turners, letting Rachel take the reins and steer the conversation.<p>

"And you, Grey? How's school going?" Bradley asks with a smile. Jackass. He's the worst.  
>"Oh, so suddenly you have an interest in my life?"<br>"Grey," Hiram hisses, "show some manners."  
>"I'm sorry. Maybe if I had parents for the last eleven years, I'd be more well behaved."<br>"Grey. Apologize. Now."  
>"No, it's quite alright," Bradley says with a nervous laugh, "let her get it out of her system." I scoff at his words.<br>"I don't need to get anything out of my system I just need to get out of here. Look, I really appreciate the ring and the watch and the money, but I can't sit here and look at you both." No one says anything. We eat in silence. Until January makes another brave stab at conversation.  
>"Grey, you're looking more and more like your father every day." I stand and throw my napkin to the table.<br>"How dare you say that to me." I turn to my dads. "I'll be in the car. You guys finish up here."

I pick up my things and walk out of the restaurant. I'm almost to the car when I hear someone running up behind me.  
>"Grey, wait!" Fuck, off Bradley, I want to say, leave me the fuck alone. Suddenly he's next to me, trying to catch his breath.<br>"Tell me your problem with me, Grey." I stop dead in my tracks.  
>"I don't have just one problem, Bradley, I have many. That's what happens when you live in an orphanage where Sister Leah beats you. That's what happens when your best friend dies and your parents' best friends abandon you. I have a lot of problems and all of them started with you." Bradley looks angry, like he's holding something back.<br>"What? You're too afraid to hear the fucking truth? My parents trusted you with me and you betrayed the both of us."  
>"Grace, did you ever stop to think that it was just too fucking hard for us? They were our best friends. Did you ever stop to think that we couldn't look at you everyday and not see the… the <em>thing <em>that killed my best man and Jan's maid of honor?"  
>"What the hell are you on about? I didn't kill them," I shout, and he yells back.<br>"The only reason you were all in the car was because _you _left your goddamn teddy bear in the fucking park and screamed and screamed until they turned around to go get it. And then just before that truck hit you, your mom jumped on top of you. You see, she was sitting in the back with you to make you stop screaming. They said she would've been fine otherwise. She would've been alive. And your dad would be too if you hadn't turned around to GET YOUR DAMN TEDDY BEAR." My heart drops to the bottom of my being. My insides turn to ice and there's a ringing in my ears.

I killed them.

I killed my parents.

"It… it was me?"  
>"Look, Gracie, Jan didn't want you to know, but you need to. I care for you, I really do, and I know it's slack blaming a five year old for their parents' death, but I know that if I were to have raised you… It wouldn't have been good for anyone. We gave you up so we wouldn't grow to hate you. " He puts a hand on my shoulder. "Goodbye, Gracie," he says, before walking away.<p>

I sink to my knees and pain attaches itself to me from all sides. My breaths are fast and shallow and not enough air is getting into my lungs. I can't breathe. And then I realize that I'm having a panic attack in the middle of a fucking parking lot. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot calm myself. All I can think about is what Bradley told me.  
>"Grey!" I hear someone call out in the distance, "Grey!" and suddenly the voice is right beside me.<br>"Grace, tell me what's wrong. Please, baby girl, tell me what's wrong." The voice belongs to Leroy, and a part of me registers that Hiram and Rachel stand behind him. He pulls me into his strong embrace and lets me cry onto his shoulder, before lifting me up and carrying me to the car.

The car ride home is quiet.

Rachel holds my head as I continue to cry into her lap.

And when we get home, I go straight to my room, not speaking to anyone. I refuse to tell them what happened. I refuse to let anyone know my guilt.

Later in the night I hear Hiram screaming into the phone.  
>"I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING SAID TO MY DAUGHTER TO GET HER FUCKING CATATONIC." I deduce that he's speaking to Bradley. After a while he stops screaming and talks quietly. I can barely hear what he whispers into the phone, but I can hear when he hangs up. And I know he'll tell Leroy, and they'll both find me disgusting and kick me out for killing my parents. It may not happen right away, but it will. Eventually.<p>

Once I hear everyone go to bed, I make my way to my bedside table and find what I'm looking for. I walk into my private bathroom, and shut the door behind me. I sit on the floor.

I look at my possession and I know I must be punished for what I did. A slow punishment.

A painful punishment.

I slowly pull the blade over my wrist again and again, my blood pouring from the wound. And though it's a punishment, it makes me feel relieved. Because for the first time that night, I do not feel numb, I do not feel anger, and I do not feel sadness.

All I feel is pain.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**DISCLAIMER****: As I'm sure you're aware, I am not Ryan Murphy, and therefore, Glee is not mine. BUT, Grey is. So haha.**

**A/N****: Okay. So you guys would not believe the amount of school work and work work I have, which means my writing took the back seat. Also, I was suffering from minor writer's block. I hope to have the new chapter up ASAP, but I dunno… school's pretty hectic. Anyway, enjoy! (And thanks to everyone who reviewed and subscribed on the last chapter, I was kinda freaking out. Glad you enjoyed!)**

* * *

><p>I don't plan on it in the beginning. The first time was going to be my last. It was a moment of weakness, and nothing more. But as time goes on, I find myself itching to do it again. To feel the mixture of pain and relief that came with the cuts. I feel them staring at me all the time, waiting for me to tell them why I'm so miserable all the time, but the words just won't come out. I think about telling them, sure, but I know that I can't. Because cutting is sick, it's disgusting and wrong.<br>I try to say it. I try to explain it to Santana, Rachel, Quinn, anybody, but I decide against it.  
>It'll be my little secret.<p>

* * *

><p>I know something's wrong with her, I'm not an idiot. She acts almost the same as she did before, but there's just… something that's changed.<br>She's slightly more withdrawn, she doesn't put as much into glee club. And her smile never seems to quite reach her eyes. I try and get her to talk to me, but she refuses.  
>"Nothing's wrong," she tells me, "I'm just tired."<br>And Hobbit's no help either, telling me to just let her work things out. But I can't wait. Not anymore.

"Berry, can I speak to you?" I say. Without waiting for an answer, I pull her into an empty classroom.  
>"What do you want, Santana?" she replies with attitude. It takes all the self-control I have not to hit her in the face. I remember why I'm here in the first place, and push my violent thoughts from my mind.<br>"This isn't about what I want; it's about what I need. It's about what Grey needs." Her hardened expression falters for a fraction of a second.  
>"Don't tell me everything's alright, because it's not. Something happened, and I don't know what. All I know is that I… I <em>need <em>to help her." Tears brim in my eyes and I don't bother wiping them away. "She's my everything, Rachel, my whole world. If something were to happen to her, I would die. Please. Help me." She looks at me, her giant brown eyes also glistening with tears.  
>"About two months ago, right after school went back, we had dinner with her parents' friends." I nod tersely, and she continues.<br>"She stormed out of the restaurant and Bradley went after her. When we found her she was having a panic attack in the parking lot. We went home, and she wouldn't come out of her room. My daddy called Bradley, but the jackass said it was Grey's secret to tell, not his." I try to process the information, try to figure out what Bradley may have said, but I draw a blank each time.  
>"I've never felt more hopeless," Rachel tells me, and I tell her I feel the same way.<p>

I catch Grey after lunch. She sits alone in the choir room, guitar in hand, and her back facing me. I hover just outside the doorway, not wanting to disturb her. She starts strumming, and soon enough, her melodic voice follows.

_I open my eyes_  
><em>I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light<em>  
><em>I can't remember how<em>  
><em>I can't remember why<em>  
><em>I'm lying here tonight<em>

_And I can't stand the pain_  
><em>And I can't make it go away<em>  
><em>No I can't stand the pain<em>

_How could this happen to me_  
><em>I made my mistakes<em>  
><em>I've got no where to run<em>  
><em>The night goes on<em>  
><em>As I'm fading away<em>  
><em>I'm sick of this life<em>  
><em>I just wanna scream<em>  
><em>How could this happen to me<em>

_Everybody's screaming_  
><em>I try to make a sound but no one hears me<em>  
><em>I'm slipping off the edge<em>  
><em>I'm hanging by a thread<em>  
><em>I wanna start this over again<em>

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered_  
><em>And I can't explain what happened<em>  
><em>And I can't erase the things that I've done<em>  
><em>No I can't<em>

_How could this happen to me_  
><em>I made my mistakes<em>  
><em>I've got no where to run<em>  
><em>The night goes on<em>  
><em>As I'm fading away<em>  
><em>I'm sick of this life<em>  
><em>I just wanna scream<em>  
><em>How could this happen to me<em>

_I made my mistakes_  
><em>I've got no where to run<em>  
><em>The night goes on<em>  
><em>As I'm fading away<em>  
><em>I'm sick of this life<em>  
><em>I just wanna scream<em>  
><em>How could this happen to me<em>

It's the first time I've heard her sing in two months, and the emotion in her voice pierces me in the chest. Her voice screams the lyrics in places, and at those moments, I can feel her, and I can feel her pain. As I step through the door, she finishes the song, and I see that she's sobbing. I rush over, eager to comfort her, feel her in my arms.  
>"No, don't," she mumbles as I encompass her in a hug. She pushes me away. Not gonna lie, it hurts.<br>"Just tell me what's wrong," I plead softly, "tell me what Bradley did to you." She freezes.  
>"Get out." Her voice is harsh, void of the emotion I heard moments ago.<br>"Babe, please, let me-"  
>"I said. Get. Out."<br>"No." I stand my ground. Grey grabs her bag and swings it over her shoulder.  
>"Fine then. I will." And with that, she leaves me alone with my frustration and pain, no closer to answers than I was five minutes before.<p>

* * *

><p>My silence lasts a long time. Sectionals come and go, and I barely say a word. I only speak out of necessity. I keep my head down, my mouth shut, and my blade sharp. Santana never brings up Bradley again. Neither do Rachel, nor Hiram and Leroy. I know the people around me are sick of the silence. They want me to talk. But I can't do it. I do my chores and keep my room tidy to placate my guardians. I know that at any moment they'll kick me out for what I did.<br>For what I am.  
>My scars get harder and harder to hide They multiply rapidly over my wrist and soon I take to wearing sweat bands. They look like a fashion accessory; no-one guesses the pain they are hiding. They, along with my father's wedding band, become a permanent fixture in my attire. I ignore concerned looks from my teachers and peers, but I make sure they can't get angry. I keep up my grades, I practice dances with glee and I spend time with my girlfriend. What more do they want?<p>

My dads try and get me to see Miss Pillsbury. I refuse, yet somehow I find myself in her office. I can try and help you, she tells me, I can help you feel better. I want to laugh in her face. Instead, I just give her my best evil glare.  
>"Look, they may want me here, but I don't wanna be here. I don't want to speak to you. I don't want to tell you my feelings. I don't want to listen to you try and <em>fix <em>me. But they want me here. So I'll sit here, and I'll stare at the fucking posters and I will not say a word. Got it?" She nods timidly. I don't smile.

I never have to go back to Miss Pillsbury again.

Mr Schue calls us to attention, holding a sheet of paper in his hand. He tells us he's announcing the Regionals theme. He says it, and along with the icy numbness I usually feel, I feel guilt. Because no matter how much I don't care, and don't want to, I know that I shouldn't treat Santana the way I do. The theme for Regionals is love. Vomit. Despite the fact that most of me doesn't care, I resolve to apologize to her tonight, once I dim the numbness.

After the short meeting, I bid Santana farewell, and Rachel drives me home.  
>"Finn and I are going out for dinner tonight," she tells me, "do you and Santana want to join us? I know how much Santana likes Breadstix." She speaks to me as if I'm a mental patient, like I'm made of glass and ready to shatter.<br>"I hate to sound like a bitch, but I really cannot stand your oversized, semi retarded lump of a boyfriend. Can we take a raincheck?" Yeah, okay, I know I'm being mean, but I don't give a fuck. Finn's a douche bag from the planet Short Dick. And I really can't be bothered playing nice, not when the numbness is beginning to pull me under and all I can think about is putting metal to my skin. From what I've read online, most people cut because they're über sad, because they're depressed, or because they think they deserve punishment. I cut so I can feel something other than nothingness. I cut because it's better to feel pain than darkness.  
>"Grey!" Rachel exclaims, disrupting my thoughts of my blade.<br>"I call it like I see it," I reply, indifferent, my hands itching to get hold of the cool metal.  
>"Well obviously you see through the eyes of a bitch." I know it should hurt, but her insult bounces off me, y'know, rubber, glue, that crap.<br>"I want you to apologize." I laugh humorlessly.  
>"You know what? I'll apologize when he does. Y'know, for calling me a dyke and implying I'm a man."<br>"He already did!"  
>"No, he didn't. He said it was a mistake, that's all. He's a tool, Rae, and the sooner you realize it, the better off we'll all be."<br>"Grey, that's enough. If you can't be civil to the person I love-"  
>"Love? Rachel, you don't love him, you're just scared that no one else will love <em>you. <em>There's a difference, and you need to figure it out." The car stops suddenly. Her knuckles are strained white on the wheel.  
>"Take it back."<br>"No."  
>"Take it back, Grey. Right now."<br>"I'm not taking back the truth, Rachel. You think no one will love you like he does, but you're wrong. The world is a big place. There are plenty of people outside of Lima that would kill to love you. Fuck, there are people _in _Lima that wanna love you. You just don't see it."  
>"Get out of my car, Grey." I roll my eyes, and step out of the warm car, the contrasting air nipping my skin. I throw my bag over my shoulder, and watch as she accelerates and drives away, leaving me with my thoughts.<br>"Stupid idiot child," I murmur to myself, "learn when not to speak."

When I make it home, I go straight to my room, and into my bathroom, trying to find my blade.

I viciously attack my wrists over and over trying to feel. Usually relief comes with the cuts, but today all I feel is guilt. Guilt and sadness. It feels terrible. Once I finish several hours later, I begin cleaning up. The bleeding is much harder to stop today, and I don't know why. Perhaps it's the feelings keeping my wounds open. Perhaps it's the guilt or the sad or any of the other things I feel in place of relief. I wrap gauze around my wounds haphazardly, and shove the sweatbands on. I need to see Santana. I throw on a jacket and my jogging shoes and run to her house.

* * *

><p>Grey says goodbye to me and follows Rachel from the choir room. A feeling of emptiness washes over me as I watch her leave. I shake my head and leave the room, my backpack slung over my shoulder.<br>Once at home, I empty my homework onto my desk and try to do it. It serves as a distraction, my mind unable to focus on Grey and her troubles when I have calculus, physics, algebra and English homework to do. After two hours of solid work I get up and stretch my arms. My house is quiet. Papi's working the late shift and Mami has her book club, and I stand at the top of the stairs, absorbed in the tranquility the silence offers.  
>My phone blasting loudly scares the crap out of me. I fumble to answer it, and when I do, all I hear is soft sobbing on the other end.<br>"Hello?" I call, unsure whether the person on the other end can hear me.  
>"San. Hi," the voice says, and I freeze. "It's me."<br>"Hi, Britt." I pause, not knowing what else to say. Truth be told, I haven't spoken to Brittany- or barely thought of her- since she broke up with me.  
>"Is, uh, is everything okay, Brittany?" I hear her sniffle.<br>"It's just… Santana can I see you?"  
>"I'm not sure that's a-"<br>"Please, Tana. I need someone. I need my best friend." I hesitate again.  
>"S-sure, I'll be at your place-"<br>"No. Not my place, I'm at the school." My confusion grows, but I agree to meet her there anyway. I write my parents a note explaining where I am, and leave.

A short while later, I pull into the school carpark, the only other vehicle there is Brittany's motorbike. I race inside, the cold night air attacking my nerves, and head to the choir room.  
>Brittany's face lights up when she sees me.<br>"You came," she says simply.  
>"Well I said I would, didn't I?" I reply, more venom in my tone than necessary. Her face falls and I feel bad. "What's wrong, Britt?"<br>"I don't know… Just everything. I miss you. I miss us. I miss the way things used to be."  
>"Well you're the one who changed it all."<br>"But you're the one who moved on." Is she really offering this? Is she offering, well, us?  
>"I love Grey, Brittany. I'm in love… I have a future with her."<br>"I see the way she treats you, Tan. Like you're nothing."  
>"Stop it, Brittany. She's going through a lot-"<br>"Yet she doesn't even confide in you. When's the last time _she _called _you_?"  
>"Stop." Brittany makes her way towards me. Her arm reaches out and she cups my face with a warm hand.<br>"When's the last time she made you feel good?" I clench my eyes shut, tears falling freely. She's right in front of me. I can feel her breath on my face, its mint scent tickling my nose.  
>"When's the last time," she breathes, "she did this?"<br>She presses our lips together, softly at first, and after a brief second, against my better judgment, I kiss her back. Her tongue explores my mouth and I welcome the familiarity.

* * *

><p>I reach Santana's house, my breathing labored from my run. I knock on the big door, and a few moments later, Mrs Lopez greets me.<br>"Hola, Grey."  
>"Hi, Mrs Lopez, Santana home?"<br>"No, dear. She left a note saying she was at the school." Huh. Weird. I bid Mrs Lopez farewell and jog away, wondering why Santana's at the school.  
>When I finally reach the school, I decide to take a look in the Cheerio's locker room.<br>She's not there.  
>She's not in the auditorium, gym, or lunch room either. I know where she is, though. Slowly, I head to the choir room, part of me afraid of what I may find.<p>

* * *

><p>It gets harder to think the longer Brittany kisses me. She pushes me up against the trophy cabinet, and my hands roam, exploring her body like never before.<p>

* * *

><p>I find myself several feet from the door, not wanting to look in. I swallow my fear and take a few steps forward.<p>

* * *

><p>"I love you," she breathes into my ear as I nibble her neck. Unable to think straight, I say the first thing that I think of.<br>"I love you, too, Britt."

* * *

><p>My stomach drops. Tears fall. My hands shake.<br>And in a second that lasts for an eternity, my heart shatters into a million shards, piercing my insides over and over again. I leave the school building and break into a run. I don't realize where I'm going until I'm in Quinn's front yard, vomiting into her mother's rose bush. Once I've emptied my stomach, I sit on Quinn's front steps, head in hands, sobbing. I don't hear the front door open, and I'm only aware that I have company when Quinn pulls me into her warm embrace.  
>"Grey, breathe. Calm down. Tell me what's wrong." But I can't answer her. Instead I continue to cry into her shoulder. I finally let her lead me inside where she sits me on the couch. She leaves the room and I hear her speak on the phone.<br>"Rach, yeah, she's here… I don't know what's wrong… She was just on my porch, hysterical… Okay. Cool. Okay. I'll see you soon."

When Rachel comes, I let her lead me to the car. She thanks Quinn. I just stare straight ahead. The car ride is silent, save for a few stabs at conversation that Rachel makes. She asks me what's wrong. I don't answer. She asks me if I'm hurt. I shake my head. When we finally pull into our driveway, I jump out and go straight to my room.

I go straight to bed. I lie awake for a long time, and when I finally fall asleep, tears wet my cheeks and pillow. All I can think is that Santana is not lulling me to sleep with her angelic voice and that it feels as if there's a huge, gaping cavity in my chest where a part of her used to be, despite my usual numbness.  
>And sadness consumes me at the same time slumber does.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN****: Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for the reviews, and if you're feeling extra nice today, maybe I can get some more?**


	18. Chapter Eighteen

_**DISCLAIMER**_**: Glee is not mine. Songs used aren't mine. Grey is mine. "Labyrinth of Suffering" idea isn't mine either, but more on that later.**

_**A/N**_**: So that wasn't too long, was it? This was really hard for me to write, and took me a tad longer than I'd hope. Just a MAJOR WARNING for those who are emotionally fragile that this chapter is super duper intense. Thank you so much to my beta TriedToLie who I forgot to mention last time, and to my friend Yael, who tells me to shut up and keep writing. P.S. **_**Italics are Santana**_**. Grey is normal.**

* * *

><p>I wish Puck and the rest of the guys' good luck. I think back to last year's Nationals, my first solo at a competition. I remember the nerves I felt, rather than the indifference I feel now. Rather than the anger. I recall how Santana comforted me and told me I'd be fine. How after the competition we were pretty much engaged. For a second, I feel sadness. Loss. Then the indifference comes back.<br>I watch as the guys walk onto the stage.

Give me love like her,  
>'Cause lately I've been waking up alone,<br>Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt,  
>Told you I'd let them go,<br>And that I'll fight my corner,  
>Maybe tonight I'll call ya,<br>After my blood turns into alcohol,  
>No, I just wanna hold ya.<br>Give a little time to me or burn this out,  
>We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,<br>All I want is the taste that your lips allow,  
>My, my, my, my, oh give me love,<br>Give me love like never before,  
>'Cause lately I've been craving more,<br>And it's been a while but I still feel the same,  
>Maybe I should let you go,<br>You know I'll fight my corner,  
>And that tonight I'll call ya,<br>After my blood is drowning in alcohol,  
>No I just wanna hold ya.<br>Give a little time to me or burn this out,  
>We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,<br>All I want is the taste that your lips allow,  
>My, my, my, my, oh give me love,<br>Give a little time to me, or burn this out,  
>We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,<br>All I want is the taste that your lips allow,  
>My, my, my, my, oh give me love.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Two months before:<em>

"Stop walking."  
>"No."<br>"Grey. Listen. Talk to me."  
>"No." I storm into the choir room, and Santana pulls my arm hard, forcing me to turn around.<br>"Grey, let me IN!" she yells. And I snap.  
>"NO!" I shove her away from me, and she falls. A stunned silence falls around us, but I don't care. Nor do I care about the look of hurt on Santana's face. I take deep breaths and try to calm the angry shakes of my hand, but I'm unsuccessful.<br>"Grey, tell me what's wrong," Santana says softly, and I look at her incredulously.

"You don't _know_? YOU DON'T KNOW?" She flinches at my raised voice, and yet again, I do not care. I stare at her- my eyes harsh and unblinking- and I utter one word:

"Brittany."

Realization washes over her, followed closely by guilt.  
>"Whatever anyone told you-"<br>"No one TOLD me anything! I saw it! I saw _you_!" She pales, having been caught in her lie.  
>"Impossible," she whispers.<br>"No! I heard you, too. You love her. _You _love _her_. Does that mean everything- _every single goddamn thing_- that happened between us was a lie?"

Silence.

"Does that mean that every time you held my hand, or kissed me, or said 'I love you', every exchange meant _nothing_ to you?"

Silence.

"What about these," I scream, even louder this time, gesturing to my promise ring, "these were just a joke, nothing serious?"

Again, Silence.  
>"ANSWER ME." She lets a few tears fall from her guilty eyes.<br>"My love for you was real. Everything was." I laugh manically.  
>"Really? 'Cause you telling <em>her <em>that you love her kind of makes me doubt that."  
>"What do you want from me, Grey? An apology? Because I am sorry for what I did, and I always will be. It was a mistake. A huge mistake. But I was lonely! You were shut off, and wouldn't talk to me, and then Brittany was saying all of these things, a-and… I regret what I did. But you can't blame me for why I did it."<p>

She stands up, and takes a step towards me, and I immediately step back  
>"Please, Grey. Let me back in." I eye her up and down, and I cannot see the person I love, only the one who is breaking my heart.<br>"We're… we're over. Whatever this is… it's done." I trudge from the room, my heart squirming at the sob I hear erupt from her. The sound follows me down the hall, and it appears to get louder the further away I get.

Then I realize.

The sobs are coming from me.

I hear a beep from my phone, and when I check it, it tells me that Quinn is waiting in her car to take me home.

I make my way to the parking lot, and climb into her car, and I wipe away my tears, and I don't say anything. I don't cry any more. She tells me everything will be okay, but I can't believe her. I let her comfort me, even though I convince myself that I don't need it.  
>"Quinn?"<br>"Yeah?"  
>"Take me home?"<p>

* * *

><p>"Good luck," Santana says to me as they continue to sing on stage.<br>"I don't need luck," I reply, "I need you to stop speaking to me." Her eyes fall.  
>"Why are you being like this?" I laugh humorlessly.<br>"You broke me, Santana. You had my heart in your hands and you let it drop." She wipes her eyes, and all of a sudden, I see Santana The Bitch, the person I've never really seen, but heard a lot about.

"Let's just get one thing straight. You were broken long before it happened. You shut me out. You're using me as a way out of your shitty problems and your shitty life." I turn to face her, our noses inches from each other.  
>"Do me a favor. Don't speak to me. Don't approach me. Leave me. The fuck. Alone."<p>

Out of nowhere, Mr Schue is by my side, ushering me onto stage. The boys exit as we go on, the audience finally settling down.

I let the small silence fill me, and when I start singing, I let the anger I feel toward Santana, myself and everyone around me consume my being. I sing the words venomously.

Let me hold you  
>For the last time<br>It's the last chance to feel again  
>But you broke me<br>Now I can't feel anything

When I love you  
>It's so untrue<br>I can't even convince myself  
>When I'm speaking<br>It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up  
>I tried to hold on but it hurts too much<br>I tried to forgive but it's not enough  
>To make it all okay<p>

You can't play our broken strings  
>You can't feel anything<br>That your heart don't want to feel  
>I can't tell you something that aint real<p>

Oh the truth hurts  
>And lies worse<br>I can't like it anymore  
>And I love you a little less than before<p>

* * *

><p>"You guys, I want you to find a song about love for this week's assignment, in prep for Regionals. At the end of the week, we'll vote on songs and arrangements and vocals." <em>Ironic, <em>I think, _I need to sing about love just as I lose it. _My peers put their heads together, but I, out of spite, raise my hand. This is the last song I'll sing for her. I'm completely done.  
>"Yes, Grey?"<br>"I have a song, Mr Schue." He looks nervous.  
>"Ooo… kay?" I go to the band, and tell them my choice. I know that they know it. The nod their heads in agreement. It takes them a minute to get ready.<p>

It's strange to think the songs we used to sing  
>The smiles, the flowers, everything is gone<br>Yesterday I found out about you  
>Even now just looking at you: feels wrong<br>You say that you'd take it all back, given one chance  
>It was a moment of weakness and you said, "Yes"<p>

You should've said, "No", you should've gone home  
>You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go<br>You should've know that word, with what you did with her  
>Get back to me... (get back to me)<br>And I should've been there, in the back of your mind  
>I shouldn't be asking myself, "Why?"<br>You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet...  
>You should've said no, baby, and you might still have me<p>

No one claps. No one cheers. I grab my crap and head for the bathroom. Once I see that I'm alone, I head into the handicapped stall, and rummage through my bag to find my extra blade. I break my golden rule of only cutting in the privacy of my own home, and drag it along my wrist, the blood warming my skin. I'm in there for about twenty minutes, before seeing if the coast is clear and going to the sink to wash my arms and bandage them.

I'm finishing off my second wrist, when the door bursts open.  
>"Grey, are you in-" she sees me, and I freeze. Her eyes dart from my bandaged wrists to the newly cleaned blade to the blood still in the sink. It takes her a few moments to put it together.<br>"Oh, Grey," Quinn says, and reaches out to touch my shoulder.  
>"No, please, don't," I mumble as I shrug away from her touch. The silence is cold and awkward.<br>"Grey, you need to-"  
>"I don't have to do anything, just leave it alone."<br>"I can't leave it alone. You're hurting yourself. You're mutilating your body. You're-"  
>"Stop, Quinn. Just. Stop. This is what's going to happen. You're going to leave this bathroom. You're not going to mention this to anyone, or to me for that matter. You will forget what you saw."<br>"You can't fucking hypnotize me, Grey. You're sick; you need help-"  
>"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I NEED. Quinn, I'll be fine! I'll stop. But if you… if you say anything, I will never forgive you. I will never speak to you again. I swear, I will ignore you for the rest of my fucking life. So just-"<br>"Promise me that you'll stop."  
>"Q…"<br>"Promise me, and I'll leave you alone."  
>"I promise."<p>

* * *

><p>Oh what are we doing<br>We are turning into dust  
>Playing house in the ruins of us<p>

Running back through the fire  
>When there's nothing left to say<br>It's like chasing the very last train  
>When it's too late<br>Oh it tears me up  
>I tried to hold on but it hurts too much<br>I tried to forgive but it's not enough  
>To make it all okay<p>

You can't play our broken strings  
>You can't feel anything<br>That your heart don't want to feel  
>I can't tell you something that aint real<p>

Oh the truth hurts  
>And lies worse<br>I can't like it anymore  
>And I love you a little less than before<p>

But we're running through the fire  
>When there's nothing left to say<br>It's like chasing the very last train  
>When we both know it's too late<p>

You can't play our broken strings  
>You can't feel anything<br>That your heart don't want to feel  
>I can't tell you something that aint real<p>

Oh the truth hurts  
>And lies worse<br>I can't like it anymore  
>And I love you a little less than before<br>Oh and I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time  
>It's the last change to feel again<p>

* * *

><p>"Okay. We're deciding on songs. Suggestions?" Mr Schue asks. Hands fly up. Rachel votes we do Puck's version of Give Me Love. Puck suggests that we make it a Guy's number, each of them playing a guitar. Everyone agrees. Blaine puts his hand up and votes Call Me Maybe as our group number.<br>Surprisingly, everyone agrees on that as well.  
>"Grey?" Mr Schue asks, "Do you have any suggestions?" I ponder his question, and phrase my thoughts carefully.<p>

"I think that the love we're portraying through these songs is text book and clichéd. Love isn't all about having it. It's so easy to lose. I mean, love falls apart more often than it stays together. If we sing about love, we should also sing about heartbreak."  
>"So what do you think we should do?" His question throws me. After a few moments I think of a song.<br>"Broken Strings. James Morrison."  
>Tina's hand shoots up.<br>"Tina?"  
>"Grey should sing it." Damn you, Asian. No way.<br>"That's not going to happen."  
>"Grey, we need your vocals and honestly, your raw feelings at the moment to pull off this song, and to win Regionals. I'm not asking for a lot. Just one song." I look at my peers, and they stare at me with expectant eyes.<br>"Yeah, fine. Whatever," I mutter.  
>"… Santana should sing with her."<br>"SHUT UP TINA."

* * *

><p>I threw a wish in the well,<br>Don't ask me, I'll never tell  
>I looked to you as it fell,<br>And now you're in my way

I'd trade my soul for a wish,  
>Pennies and dimes for a kiss<br>I wasn't looking for this,  
>But now you're in my way<p>

Your stare was holdin',  
>Ripped jeans, skin was showin'<br>Hot night, wind was blowin'  
>Where you think you're going, baby?<p>

Hey, I just met you,  
>And this is crazy,<br>But here's my number,  
>So call me, maybe?<p>

It's hard to look right,  
>At you baby,<br>But here's my number,  
>So call me, maybe?<p>

Hey, I just met you,  
>And this is crazy,<br>But here's my number,  
>So call me, maybe?<p>

And all the other boys,  
>Try to chase me,<br>But here's my number,  
>So call me, maybe?<p>

* * *

><p>Quinn walks into the choir room. I'm the only one in there, and I sit, doodling in my notebook.<br>"Grey," she calls, and I look up. She holds a Sharpie in her hand, and grabs a hold of my arm. Slowly, she pulls up my sleeve, and begins drawing.  
>"Quinn, what the hell are you doing?" I ask, my tone more confused than pissed.<br>"I read about it on the internet. When you feel the need to cut, you draw a butterfly. It has to fade naturally. If you cut it, it dies. If you have more than one, cutting kills all of them. The ones that other people- me- draw, they're extra special, so take care of it." She finishes drawing the butterfly. I stare at her, touched.  
>"Quinn, I don't need-"<br>"Oh bullshit. I'm not an idiot. I know you still do it. But… but I'm not going to tell anyone, you don't have to worry. I just want you to be safe."

She rolls up her sleeve, and shows me a butterfly identical to mine inked on her pale skin.  
>"It's for you," she tells me, "her name is Grey."<br>"But you don't… you don't-"  
>"If you hurt, so does she. So do I. Do it. For me."<p>

I promise her.

* * *

><p>You took your time with the call,<br>I took no time with the fall  
>You gave me nothing at all,<br>But still, you're in my way

I beg, and borrow and steal  
>Have foresight and it's real<br>I didn't know I would feel it,  
>But it's in my way<p>

Your stare was holdin',  
>Ripped jeans, skin was showin'<br>Hot night, wind was blowin'  
>Where you think you're going, baby?<p>

Hey, I just met you,  
>And this is crazy,<br>But here's my number,  
>So call me, maybe?<p>

It's hard to look right,  
>At you baby,<br>But here's my number,  
>So call me, maybe?<p>

Hey, I just met you,  
>And this is crazy,<br>But here's my number,  
>So call me, maybe?<p>

And all the other boys,  
>Try to chase me,<br>But here's my number,  
>So call me, maybe?<p>

Before you came into my life  
>I missed you so bad<br>I missed you so bad  
>I missed you so, so bad<p>

Before you came into my life  
>I missed you so bad<br>And you should know that  
>I missed you so, so bad<p>

* * *

><p>I kill the butterflies two days later. Two more lives that I've taken. I don't tell Quinn. I can't stand seeing disappointment in her features.<p>

* * *

><p>It's hard to look right,<br>At you baby,  
>But here's my number,<br>So call me, maybe?

Hey, I just met you,  
>And this is crazy,<br>But here's my number,  
>So call me, maybe?<p>

And all the other boys,  
>Try to chase me,<br>But here's my number,  
>So call me, maybe?<p>

Before you came into my life  
>I missed you so bad<br>I missed you so bad  
>I missed you so, so bad<p>

Before you came into my life  
>I missed you so bad<br>And you should know that

So call me, maybe?

We win Regionals. Shocker.  
>I can't bring myself to care.<br>All I can think about is what Santana said to me. I'm using her as a way to forget why I'm angry and frustrated in the first place.

Me.

_I'm _the one that… that killed my parents. _I'm _the monster. _I'm _the one that should be punished.

And I know it needs to happen.

The bus ride back to Lima is a long one. As we drive, I plan everything. Where, when, how. I look around at all my friends, and swallow back the fear. It's not just about feeling something anymore.

I deserve this. I deserve to be punished for killing them. I deserve hurt and pain and suffering.

I deserve death.

When I get home, I run through the plan in my head again. I would do it on Friday afternoon, during glee club time. That way, my classmates will have time to celebrate Regionals before… before.

The day inches closer slowly, and as time passes, I don't change my mind. I will follow through on this. I deserve it.

I walk into school on Friday, looking through the eyes of a dead person. I savor my last moments. My steps are numbered, one of the reasons I chose to walk to school.

I find Rachel at her locker, talking to Quinn.  
>"Rae… Can I talk to you?" Quinn gives me a concerned glance before walking away.<br>"What's up, Grey?" she rests a hand on my shoulder. I let the warmth of her slight touch run over me.  
>"I… I wanted you to have this."<p>

I reach into my pocket, and pull out my grandmother's watch, the one January gave me. Rachel takes it gently, wiping a tear from her eye.  
>"Grey, this was-"<br>"Yeah, I know. And I want you to have it."  
>"Why?"<br>"You're family. I don't need it, anyway. I love you, Rachel. Don't forget it." Don't forget me.

She pulls me into a tight hug, and I savor the moment.  
>"I love you, too, Grey." I smile sadly, and turn to leave.<br>"Bye, Rae."

I have a free lesson before glee, so I write my last note to Santana then. I slip it into an envelope, along with my dad's ring, before opening her locker and putting it in. Thank god I know her combination.

My breaths are calm as I walk away. Serenity washes over me, and I'm no longer afraid.

I'm just lonely.

* * *

><p><em>I rush to my locker as the last bell rings, ready for glee club. I have a song prepared for this week's assignment, and I'm excited. I see an envelope resting against my books, my name written on the front in Grey's slanted writing.<br>Hesitantly, I open it and feel something heavy.  
>Huh.<br>A ring. I read the note that accompanies it._

Dear Santana,  
>Wow. Okay. This is way harder to put into words than I originally thought.<p>

I'm sorry, Santana. So sorry. About a lot of things. I'm sorry for shutting you out. I'm sorry for acting like a massive bitch. I'm sorry for letting our relationship fall apart.  
>I want you to know that you're not why I'm doing this. You're not to blame. I did a terrible thing, and I deserve the fate I have provided myself.<br>I'm a killer, Santana. I'm single handedly responsible for killing two people. I'm disgusting.

This place I'm in, San, it's just darkness all the time. There's no light guiding me in this labyrinth of suffering. For a long time you were my light, you were my guide. You were my everything. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm so thankful for the time we had.

Tell Rachel I love her and respect her more than she can ever know. She saved me. Tell Quinn she was my best friend. Tell her to go for what she wants until she gets it and to never give it up. Tell Kurt and Blaine they were amazing friends to me. Tell my dads that I'm so sorry and that they gave me reason and hope. Tell them I love them to the moon and back.

The money my parents left me, give it to Rachel. Give some to Gayle and the orphanage.

Keep my dad's ring. Let it remind you of me. Of our love. Don't forget me, San.

I love you. I love you so much. If I knew how to escape my labyrinth, I'd have married you some day.

All the love in the world,

Grey.

_Oh, fuck. Oh fuck no. No. No._

_My body stops working. My breath is caught in my chest; my feet are planted on the floor. I read the note again, and it hits me._

_I need to save her._

_I run to the choir room, faster than I've ever moved, and I throw the door open. Tears leave watery tracks on my cheeks, and I know I look like crap. I glance around the room. Artie looks annoyed; he was about to sing his assignment.  
>"Quinn," I say, willing myself not to shriek it, "Q, I need you." She looks at me, confused.<br>"Now. Please." I see Manhands sitting next to her. "Rachel… You too." That does it. She knows what's wrong. Quinn jumps up, pulling Rachel with her. As soon as we're out of the room, I begin to cry, sobs tearing at my chest. I hand them the letter. They read it together, Quinn's hand covering her mouth, both of them in tears. Rachel puts her hand into her pocket, and pulls out a watch- Grey's watch.  
>"I-I-I should've known something was wrong. Oh god. Oh god!"<br>"It's not your fault, Rach," Quinn tells her as they hug, "I knew she hurt herself. I knew, and I still didn't tell anyone. She wouldn't let me." Rachel reassures Quinn, and I choose to ignore the fact that Quinn's hand lingers on Rachel's ass.  
>"C'mon," I say, "let's split up. Let's find her, before…"<br>"Yeah, Rach, you come with me." They run off, and so do I, anxious to find Grey. As I leave, I hear Artie begin his song.  
><em>

* * *

><p>Step one you say we need to talk<br>He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
>He smiles politely back at you<br>You stare politely right on through  
>Some sort of window to your right<br>As he goes left and you stay right  
>Between the lines of fear and blame<br>And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
>Somewhere along in the bitterness<br>And I would have stayed up with you all night  
>Had I known how to save a life<p>

* * *

><p>The tiled floor is cold. I sit in the handicapped stall where I have a surprisingly large amount of memories. Quinn finding me. Many make out sessions with Santana. I shiver slightly, though the bathroom floor is not to blame. I feel like I should be crying, but nothing comes. I take it as a sign.<br>This must be done. I pick up the blade, and with a shaking hand, I slide it over my wrists, along my arm, welcoming the familiar pain like an old friend. I do it again and again. This is how it should be. Just me. And my blade.

* * *

><p>Let him know that you know best<br>Cause after all you do know best  
>Try to slip past his defense<br>Without granting innocence  
>Lay down a list of what is wrong<br>The things you've told him all along  
>And pray to God, he hears you<br>And pray to God, he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
>Somewhere along in the bitterness<br>And I would have stayed up with you all night  
>Had I known how to save a life<p>

* * *

><p><em>I don't know where to look. I run around like a madwoman, bursting into empty classrooms. I repeat her name over and over, a mantra keeping me from falling apart.<br>Grey. Grey. Grey.  
><em>

* * *

><p>As he begins to raise his voice<br>You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
>Drive until you lose the road<br>Or break with the ones you've followed  
>He will do one of two things<br>He will admit to everything  
>Or he'll say he's just not the same<br>And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
>Somewhere along in the bitterness<br>And I would have stayed up with you all night  
>Had I known how to save a life<p>

* * *

><p>My head feels light, the lack of blood taking affect. I lean my head back and shut my eyes, the silence numbing me. This is it. The end is close.<p>

* * *

><p>Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend<br>Somewhere along in the bitterness  
>And I would have stayed up with you all night<br>Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

How to save a life

* * *

><p><em>With a quick prayer, I throw open the bathroom door, hoping with all my might that she's in here, and still… and still alive. Each stall is empty, the door open.<br>All but one. I knock fervently. No answer. I stick my head underneath the door, and choke on the scream that so desperately tries to escape me. There she is, covered in her own blood, paler than I even thought possible. I get up, and try to break down the door, seeing as I can't fit underneath it.  
>"Grey!" I scream, throwing my body against the door with all my might, "GREY!"<em>

* * *

><p>Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend<br>Somewhere along in the bitterness  
>And I would have stayed up with you all night<br>Had I known how to save a life

* * *

><p>I hear her voice, but it's so far away. <em>Don't worry, Santana, <em>I want to say, _I'll be alright. _But I can't. And I feel myself fade away even more than before.

* * *

><p>Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend<br>Somewhere along in the bitterness  
>And I would have stayed up with you all night<br>Had I known how to save a life  
>How to save a life<p>

* * *

><p><em>The door finally breaks, and I fall by her side, cradling her head in my lap. I yank my phone from my pocket, and dial 911. I sob the details into the phone, and the lady on the other end reassures me that everything will be okay.<em>

_Out of nowhere, I hear Rachel scream, and she sinks to her knees by my side, Grey's blood ruining her clothes. Quinn puts a hand on my back, muttering prayers under her breath, and then bursts into action, tying tourniquets above the wounds. Fucking girl scouts, preparing her for everything. With one hand, I continue to stroke Grey's white face. With the other, I grab Berry's hand and squeeze it tight._  
>Don't worry<em>, the gesture says<em>, they'll be here soon. She'll be okay. She'll be fine.

_But neither one of us believes it._

* * *

><p>How to save a life.<p>

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>AN_: Okay. Hopefully I won't take too long. Also, the end is near. Keep that in mind. I'm not sure how many more chapters there are, but be warned. Okay. Songs used are Give Me Love- Ed Sheerhan, Broken Strings- James Morrison, Should've Said No- Taylor Swift, and Call Me Maybe- Carly Rae Jepson.**

**The whole "labyrinth of suffering" is from a book called Looking For Alaska (one of my favourites) by John Green (one of my favourite authors). Also, just so you know, the Butterfly Project thing is completely real, in case you didn't know.**  
><strong>Review and let me know what you think :)<strong>  
><strong>Until next time!<strong>


	19. Chapter Nineteen

_**DISCLAIMER**_**: Nothing is mine, but Grey is. BOOM.**

_**A/N**_**: Wow. Okay. I want you to know how sorry I am. How truly sorry I am that I haven't posted in a while. I had finals and was bogged down with mountains of school work. I had part of this written, but couldn't figure out how to end it. A big giant thank you to TriedToLie, who is studying for her last ever exams, but is still betaing for me. Now **_**that's **_**friendship. Also to IReallyLoveSantana for motivating me.**

**Enjoy!**

I blink my eyes a few times, the light burning them. They adjust quickly, and I take in my surroundings. Flowers and a teddy bear on my bedside table. TV mounted on the wall. Everything white and clinical. The fact I'm in a hospital means one of two things: one, I'm dead and the afterlife is _nothing _like everyone tells me, or two, I didn't die.

A figure stirring next to the bed frightens the living crap out of me, but I quickly recognize it to be Rachel asleep in the chair. A shitload of feelings crash into me at once. I feel pain and anger, guilt and sadness.  
>And the tiniest, most miniscule part of me feels relief. I move to brush hair from my face and discover that my bandaged hands are tied to my bed. Huh. That's new. Rachel's eyes open, and when she sees me staring back, she jumps up and presses the nurse's button before taking my hand in hers. She hesitates slightly, as if I'm about to fall into a million pieces.<br>"Hey," I whisper.  
>"Dads are at outside, near the nurses' station, talking to the doctor. Let me go-"<br>"No," I say quickly, "just… stay with me?" She bites her lip as she nods, before hugging me tight and letting her tears fall.  
>"Never do anything like that again, Grey. Please." I feel shame along with a fresh wave of guilt as Rachel sobs into my neck. After a few moments, the door opens and I see my dads stand there, aged years in what I assume has been a matter of hours, a day at most. They rush to my side, Hiram hugging me like Rachel, Leroy taking my hand in his.<br>"Grey," Hiram cries into my neck, "Grace."  
>"Daddy," I sob back. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." I look up at Leroy, and see tears pooling in his dark eyes. A woman in a white lab coat entering the room interrupts our bittersweet family moment.<p>

"Hello, Grace. I'm Dr. Gold, and I'll be handling your case."  
>"Hello, Doctor," I reply.<br>"Well, right off the bat, we need to talk treatment." I nod. She continues.  
>"We'll have you assessed, by me, and then we'll decide the best course of treatment, whether that be medication or just more therapy time."<br>"So when can I leave?"  
>"Once I see that you're improving. In this case, I'd say two weeks at most, with therapy every day, group sessions and then weekly follow-ups when you're discharged. The situation is serious, Grace, and we want to make sure that you're perfectly fine so there are no other issues."<p>

I nod in understanding.

"You'll also be under 24-hour watch until deemed unnecessary. Your depression is an illness, and needs to be treated as such." I nod again.

"Am I allowed visitors?" I ask.  
>"For the moment, just family, but if there's improvement in a few days, then you can have a few friends come at a time." Dr. Gold smiles at me when she sees the uncertainty on my face.<p>

"You're incredibly lucky, Grace. You should know that. Your family can be here until visiting hours are over, and as you're underage, one of your parents can stay the night. I'll see you in the morning."

She leaves us alone, and Leroy occupies the chair by my bed. Hiram sits half on the armrest and half on his lap. Rachel lies by my side. The quiet is peaceful despite the underlying tension we all feel. I break the silence.  
>"How's… Santana? And Quinn?" I recall a hazy memory of Santana screaming my name. "How's everyone?"<p>

"Shaken, but worried about you," Rachel answers. She tells me what happened. Them finding me. Santana's freakish upper body strength carrying me to the front of the school. Santana waiting outside my hospital room with Quinn up until an hour ago. I find out that I've been unconscious for twenty four hours.

A nurse comes in after a while, informing us that visiting hours have ended. I tell Hiram and Leroy that they don't have to stay, that if I need them I won't hesitate to call. They reluctantly agree.

"I love you guys," I tell them, and they say it back.

They leave with promises of returning in the morning.  
>And when they leave, I know that the loneliness is temporary.<p>

* * *

><p>That's how it is for the next few days. We work out a schedule because Leroy and Hiram can't take time off work.<p>

Rachel takes off homeroom and her first class to see me. Then I have therapy, more therapy, and a nap before Rachel comes for lunch. Then therapy, free time, therapy, and the family come for evening visiting hours and dinner.

It's the same for the first few days, and then, one afternoon…

I open my eyes, heavy from sleep, and they widen once I see what's in front of me. The two people sucking face at the end of my bed obviously don't realize I'm awake.

"Well… That's new."

Quinn and Rachel spring apart, their already flushed cheeks reddening more. A smirk plays on Quinn's lips, proud of her achievement. Hell, I'm proud of her, too.

"Grey! I didn't realize you were awake! I'm sorry-"  
>"Don't be!" I exclaim, cutting off the beginning of what I'm sure is a Rachel Berry Ramble. "Do you know how long I've been waiting for this?" Quinn blushes darker, and Rachel looks at me, confused.<p>

"How long, exactly?" I look at Quinn's death stare, and decide that Rachel's narrowed eyes scare me more.

"Well… I had my suspicions when I was singing songs for… well, yeah. But I gave her the protective sibling talk… When was it? After you broke up with Finn, I think." Rachel's mouth fell open in surprise, and against the laws of nature and science, Quinn turned a darker shade of red.

"Babe?" Rachel asks Quinn. Babe. They're too adorable for their own good. "Is that true?" Quinn nods timidly. Rachel hits her in the arm.

"OW!"  
>"You've liked me for <em>that long<em>?! SO MUCH POTENTIAL TIME, WASTED!"  
>"Rachel, stop. Have you met you? You're so adorable and perfect and I was scared you'd reject me," Quinn admits with a pout, and Rachel gives her a quick peck, clearly flattered by her reasoning.<p>

"YOU GUYS ARE TOO CUTE!" I yell, much louder than necessary. "Now tell me everything!"

_The choir room was quieter than it had been in a long time. Possibly because one of its loudest personalities was missing. Though no-one spoke, the glee club provided each other with an indescribable comfort._

_As the door burst open, everyone's heads shot up, anxious about any news they may receive. Rachel walked in, more disheveled than usual. The small brunette looked around at all of her friends and found herself tearing up.  
>"She'll be… she'll be fine, physically. The doctor's gave her a blood transfusion, a-and stitched her arm up, and now they're just keeping her sedated until my dads work everything out." Everyone let out a breath they didn't know they were holding, and Rachel took a seat next to Quinn, who in turn took the diva's hand in her own and squeezed it tight. The rest of glee passed in a blur of Mr Schuester's ramblings about sticking together, and maybe working on some numbers for Grey, when she's better, even though Rachel's sure that her sister would hate that.<em>

_She left the choir room as soon as the bell rang, rushing straight to her car. By the time she was in her seat and struggling with the seatbelt, her eyes were blurred with salty tears that kept reappearing no matter how often she wiped them away. Three short taps on the passenger's side window informed her of Quinn's presence, and she quickly unlocked the door. As soon as Quinn was seated, Rachel threw her arms around the blond, sobbing into her neck._

"_It's all my fault, Quinn. I'm her sister; I should've seen it. God, why am so fucking selfish all the time?"_

"_Shh, Rachel, its okay, none of this is your fault," Quinn replied, slightly taken aback by Rachel's swearing. "Shh, Rach. You're beautiful, and kind, and perfect. You're a star, Rachel Berry, and everything's gonna work itself out. I swear to you, Rachel. It'll all be okay." The brunette raised her head from Quinn's shoulder, and looked at her, the dark brown of Rachel's eyes meeting the hazel of Quinn's. As she stared into Rachel's eyes, Quinn found the courage to say what she had wanted to for the longest time._

"_Rachel, I-"_

_Quinn was cut off by Rachel's lips crashing into hers. Though surprised at first, she soon returned it, bringing her hand up into Rachel's long hair. The kiss ended and Quinn smiled at the other girl, her stomach doing backflips._

"_I've been in like with you for a long time, Rachel Berry."  
>"I would be lying if I didn't admit the same, Quinn." They sat there, foreheads touching, for a while, neither wanting to pull away.<em>

"_What about Finn?" Quinn asked quietly, silently berating herself for bringing him up._

"_I broke up with him a few weeks ago. Grey said some things to me about him, and I was pissed off before I realized how right she was." Quinn chuckled.  
>"She usually is right, isn't she? She was right with that note as well. I needed to go for what I wanted."<br>"What's that?" Rachel asked.  
>"You," Quinn replied simply. The diva blushed.<br>They sat in the car, Quinn's arm around Rachel in a comfortable silence. It was everything Quinn had dreamed of for the longest time._

"_So… What exactly is this, Quinn?" The blond thought about it for a few (long, in Rachel's eyes) moments.  
>"This is… two friends, aware of growing feelings between each other, and trying to embrace each other in a different way."<em>

"_I am so in like with you."  
>"That's my line."<em>

"So you see, there's nothing really to it, just-"  
>"Rachel, shut it. Do Dads know?"<br>"Not yet… I planned on telling them tonight… Not that there's much to tell. I mean, we've been together for like, five days." I sigh and roll my eyes. My sister can be pretty stupid sometimes.  
>"It's been five days, but you've both liked each other for WAY longer."<p>

She pokes her tongue out at me. So mature.  
>"Come on," she says, "Let's get some lunch. I'm starving."<p>

Quinn ends up coming back for dinner with Rachel. I smile broadly as my dads walk in with the takeout, the lovebirds trailing behind them. Only I seem to notice the lack of space between Rachel and Quinn, the lingering touches, and in-love looks they keep giving each other. About halfway through dinner, Rachel clears her throat.

"Dad, Daddy, I have something I want to tell you. Quinn and I, we're, uh, we're-"  
>"Honey, we saw you both exchanging saliva in the carpark," Leroy says bluntly, an eye roll added for extra effect. "We know, and we're fine with it, as long as you know what you're doing."<p>

I laugh so hard tears roll down my cheeks and my breath comes out in wheezes. Quinn is a nice shade of crimson, and Rachel's mouth keeps opening and closing, not unlike a fish.  
>"This is just too good," I manage to say between bouts of laughter. Quinn grabs Rachel's hand and I watch them with a smile.<p>

"When you think about it," Rachel says, "we're terrible for the stereotypes. Two gay dads that spawn two, well, not straight daughters."  
>"Well, I take claim for making you gay, not your dads," Quinn interjects, and we all laugh.<p>

Quinn's good for Rachel, I decide, she'll keep her grounded. And Rae, she'll help Q reach for her dreams and catch them.

They're a match made in McKinley heaven.

* * *

><p>They let me out after being in hospital two weeks, with promises of daily check ins with Ms Pillsbury, bi weekly check ins with Dr. Gold, and a promise to go to someone if I ever feel like I'm 'not okay'.<br>I promise.  
>Dr. Gold tells me I can go back to school straight away if I want to. Back to glee club. Back to looks of pity. Back to seeing Santana every day.<br>Great.

Rachel drives me to school, and Quinn's in the back seat. We joke around and laugh; they're clearly trying to calm me down.

I take a deep breath before stepping out of the car.

The whispers start straight away.  
>People point and stare and talk amongst themselves like I can't hear them, and I'm left in their wake. Rachel walks me to my locker, and almost instantaneously, Jacob Ben Israel accosts me.<p>

"Grey, can you-" The freak's cut off by a tap on his shoulder. Slowly, he cranes his neck in order to see the source of his interruption.

"You come here again, and I _will _shove that microphone up your ass," says Puckerman, a menacing snarl set on his face. With a yelp- and possibly soiled pants- Jacob runs off, and I try not to laugh.

"Noah P, you're my hero," I say, hugging the guy. He squeezes me tight. I didn't see him while I was in the hospital; I didn't see anyone but Quinn and Rachel and my dads.

"Grey, I've missed you," he tells me, before offering to walking me to my first class, effectively giving Rachel a chance to get her books. We walk slowly, as class only begins in five minutes, and the classroom is close by.

"So…" he says, somewhat awkwardly. I find it strange, Puck being seemingly uncomfortable. "Your sister and Fabray, huh?" My mouth falls open.

"I-what-how-what-you-" why the _hell _did they tell _him_?

"I know you know. And I know that you know that I was her beard a while back. I don't care. I owe Quinn a lot, and it was the least I could do." I smile at him- he really was a good guy.  
>"They're in really deep, aren't they?" I ask.<br>"They don't even know how in love they are," he replies.  
>"So who else knows about them besides my dads and us?"<br>"Just her mom. And she was surprisingly okay with it." I nod, digesting the information. No-one else knows. Which means they have to keep their PDAs to a minimum at school. I thank god. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love them both, and am super happy for them, but seeing them all… all couple-y reminds me of, uh, someone _I _used to have that with.

The bell rings, and Puck bids me farewell with a small hug.  
>Everyone stares as I enter, and I stare back at them, thankful for my long sleeves and the cold weather. Before I take my seat, Ms. Mitchell of AP History fame informs me that I should go to Ms. Pillsbury's office instead of staying in the classroom.<p>

Great.

I pick up my knapsack I had dropped by my desk, and headed for the door, intent on ignoring the snickers and whispers around me.

"So… Grey." Ms. Pillsbury is as awkward as ever.  
>"Before, we, uh, begin," I say, "I just wanted to apologize for how I acted the last time I was in your office."<br>"Oh! Well… that's okay, Grey. Quite all right." Yep, awkward is her forte. She tells me how I'll have to see her at the beginning of every day. She tells me that she'll look out for me, and report to Dr. Gold daily. She tells me that if I ever need to speak to anyone, or feel overwhelmed that her door is always open.  
>I thank her.<p>

I find myself headed to the bathroom in the lesson before lunch. I don't pay attention to where I'm going, and I find myself _there. _And everything comes back to me. The bathroom floor, the blade, the blood.  
>The pain.<p>

"Fuck," I breathe, and I back up against the wall of the bathroom, sliding to the floor. I bring my knees to my chest, and try to breathe properly, but I can't, only managing short, shallow breaths.  
>Out of nowhere, dark brown eyes find my watery ones, and strong, caramel-colored hands grasp mine firmly.<p>

"Grey, I need you to breathe," she says. "Grey, you will not pass out on this bathroom floor, and I will not carry you from here."

_Not again, anyway, _we both think.

"C'mon, just breathe. In. Out. In. Out." Staring into her eyes, I finally manage to gain control again of my breaths.

"That's it," she encourages, "good job." When she sees I'm okay, she stands.  
>"I'll go tell Ms. Pillsbury where you are and what happened. And I'll get your stuff from your classroom, and leave it in the choir room." I nod my thanks, before clenching my eyes shut. I hear the door open and shut again, and I know I'm alone.<p>

Seeing Santana Lopez for the first time again was a lot scarier than I thought it would be.

I make it to glee that afternoon with no other incidents, just more staring. No-one mentions my 'episode' in the bathroom, and I know I have Santana to thank for that. By the time I reach the choir room, I'm exhausted, having missed my daily nap that I'm used to.

I walk into the room, unsure what to expect. As soon as I enter, Tina barrels towards me, pulling me into a hug. Mike follows behind her. Once they let me go, Kurt and Blaine claim me. Then Mercedes and Sam. Then Puck lifts me up and twirls me around, despite the fact I've already seen him numerous times today. I giggle as he puts me back down. Artie fist bumps me, and I lean down to embrace him.

Then, I see _her _sitting in the back, arms folded across her uniformed chest, legs crossed, expression seemingly indifferent. I nod slightly in her direction and she returns the gesture. She doesn't call out and tell everyone about earlier like I expect, and I'm grateful. I nod to Brittany who sits on the other side of the classroom, and she looks into her lap, ashamed. I take my seat, and Mr. Schue claps his hands together as he enters. He tells us how happy he is that I'm back, blah, blah, blah. Then he calls up Blaine and Kurt to sing a song.

For me.

My eyes widen in horror. How did I not see this one coming? Blaine notices my discomfort.  
>"Uhh…" he says, "maybe we should do this another time, when its not so…"<br>"Fresh," Kurt finished. I smile gratefully at both of them, and Schuester, realizing his idiocy, agrees.  
>We move on, and he gives us the week's assignment.<br>A song that we _connect_ with.  
>I swear to god, the man tries to act like a fortune cookie. I run my hands through my hair as a few songs run through my head.<br>Kurt tells me to stop and flicks my hand away. I tell him to shut up.

Just like old times.

Rachel and Quinn drive me to the hospital after practice for my session with Dr. Gold. They tell me that they'll wait in the car. My session goes by quickly, and I make my way back to the car soon after I left it.

I see my reflection in the dark tinted windows as I approach, and throw open the back door.

"Let's get out of- OH MY GOD. MY EYES. MY BEAUTIFUL EYES." I cover my face, but I know I'll never be able to fully unsee Quinn straddling my sister.

"Grey! That was quick! How was-"  
>"Save it Rachel, you horny bitch. Just… let's go."<p>

We drive in silence. Before they can exit the car, I turn to them both.

"If that happens again, I'm telling Dads."  
>"They already know about us," Rachel counters.<br>"And approve," Quinn chimes.  
>"Yeah, I'll tell them what you were doing in their newly detailed car and last night when Aunt Maude came over and you took twenty minutes getting drinks."<p>

Rachel's eyes narrow.  
>"You wouldn't."<br>"You try walking in on your best friend _on top _of your sister, and get back to me."  
>Quinn smiles guiltily and mumbles an apology. Rachel rolls her eyes.<p>

They only come inside twenty minutes later.

* * *

><p>On Thursday, we present our Glee assignments.<p>

"So, uh, Blaine and I have decided to combine our song with our song for Grey." I smile at them both. They had asked me before, whether it was okay, and I told them it was.

_let it go,  
>let it roll right off your shoulder<br>don't you know  
>the hardest part is over<br>let it in,  
>let your clarity define you<br>in the end  
>we will only just remember how it feels<em>

_our lives are made_  
><em>in these small hours<em>  
><em>these little wonders,<em>  
><em>these twists &amp; turns of fate<em>  
><em>time falls away,<em>  
><em>but these small hours,<em>  
><em>these small hours still remain<em>

_let it slide,_  
><em>let your troubles fall behind you<em>  
><em>let it shine<em>  
><em>until you feel it all around you<em>  
><em>and i don't mind<em>  
><em>if it's me you need to turn to<em>  
><em>we'll get by,<em>  
><em>it's the heart that really matters in the end<em>

I stand and hug them both as the others applaud. Rachel's hand shoots up.

"Mr Schue? Quinn and I have been working on something." He offers them the stage, and they take it eagerly.

_I can show you the world  
>Shining, shimmering, splendid<br>Tell me, princess, now when did  
>You last let your heart decide?<br>I can open your eyes  
>Take you wonder by wonder<br>Over, sideways and under  
>On a magic carpet ride<br>A whole new world  
>A new fantastic point of view<br>No one to tell us no  
>Or where to go<br>Or say we're only dreaming  
>A whole new world<br>A dazzling place I never knew  
>But when I'm way up here<br>It's crystal clear  
>That now I'm in a whole new world with you<br>_

The room's quiet, a stunned silence falling over everyone. Santana's mouth (not that I'm staring at her) hangs open, as does, well, all of the others'. Puck has his hand covering his mouth, trying desperately not to laugh at the confused look on Finn's face.

"Well… That's one way to come out," I giggle, and Mr Schue sputters out a congratulations.

We have to stay back later today, as everyone's asking Rachel and Quinn questions which they readily answer. I just sit in the corner with Puck, seeing as we both already know. He asks me if it's okay to sing me a song tomorrow, and I assure him it is. I sigh, undecided on whether or not I should sing my own song. Puck tells me I should, and later, when I ask Rachel, she agrees (Quinn sides with Rachel, of course). But I think back to what happened in the bathroom with Santana earlier in the week, and I think that maybe I'm not ready, that I'm still not okay no matter how confident I'm becoming again.

The next morning, I check in with Ms Pillsbury, and confide in her. Should I sing? Should I not?

"Grey, you're a far way away from being better. There's still so much you have to learn about yourself and come to terms with before you're anywhere close. But you're also so far from where you used to be. Just because you've got a long way to go doesn't mean you haven't come just as far."

I think about Ms. Pillsbury's words all day. She's right, I know she is. So I resolve to sing my chosen song.

But before I have the chance, Artie and Noah take charge as soon as everyone's seated.

"Alrighty. Artie and I threw this together. It's a song for you, Grey, as well as one for this week's assignment."

They look to the band, which take a few seconds before starting up, and when they do, I grin wildly. I know the song, and I'm excited.

_Keep on moving till the first rays of dawn  
>Keeping it on till the day is done<br>Morning till the night time blaze is on  
>All along I keep singing my song<br>I said, this phase is always  
>Sometimes I get so crazed<br>But just know that I'll always stay  
>Cause you're my light through the haze<br>It's time for a champion  
>Soothe the soul of the land<br>Mend the heart from the sea and the sand  
>Until the sun comes up again<br>It's time for a champion  
>Soothe the soul of the land<br>Mend the heart from the sea and the sand  
>Until the sun comes up again<br>Reach for the sky  
>Keep your eye on the prize<br>Forever in my mind  
>Be my golden sunshine<br>It's raining in your mind  
>So push them clouds aside<br>Forever by my side  
>You're my golden sunshine<br>_

I cheer crazily when they finish, and pull them both into a fierce hug. As they take their seats, I continue to stand, and face my friends.

"Before I sing, I just wanted to thank everyone. Without your support and kindness and friendship, this time that my family and I went through would've been a lot harder. I also wanted to apologize for the way I acted in the months leading up to-" I swallow the rising lump in my throat. "-yeah. I know I was kind of… insanely douchey, and I'm sorry.  
>"I still have a long way to go in my recovery, but I wanted to sing this now, because even though I've got a long road ahead, the path behind me is also super long."<p>

I nod to the band, and they start my song.

_I came up, out of the water__  
><em>_Raised my hands, up to the father__  
><em>_Gave it all to him that day__  
><em>_Felt a new wind kiss my face__  
><em>_Walked away, eyes wide open__  
><em>_Could finally see where I was going__  
><em>_It didn't matter where I'd been, __  
><em>_I'm not the same man I was then__I got off track, I made mistakes__  
><em>_Back slid my way into that place, where souls get lost, __  
><em>_lines get crossed and the pain won't go away__  
><em>_I hit my knees, now here I stand__  
><em>_There I was, now here I am..__Here I am. Changed._

My friends applaud me when I'm done, and I smile at them all. Mr Schue tell us that we have to start preparing for Nationals, and Rachel agrees, launching into a speech outlining what we need to do in order to have a chance at winning.

"We need to work as a unit. No bad blood between anyone, okay?" Everyone agrees.

I gulp. That means I have to clear things up with Santana.

Which means I have to talk to Santana.

Which means I need to _figure out _my feelings for her.

Great.

_**A/N**__**:**_** SONGS: Little Wonders-Rob Thomas; A Whole New World- Aladdin; Sunshine-Matisyahu; Changed-Rascal Flatts.  
>Just so you know, I'm starting my final year of school soon, so updating may or may not be slowed down. I'll try my hardest, I swear! I appreciate each and every one of you. If you're feeling super nice, you can leave me a review!<strong>


	20. Chapter Twenty

**DISCLAIMER****: Glee and any songs used aren't mine. Grey is.  
><strong>**A/N****: Okay. So I was pretty fast with this one, wasn't I? Hopefully I get to update again soon. Also, thanks to the reviews and favourites from last chapter. ALSO thank you to my beta, TriedToLie who is the greatest person in the world. Enjoy, and leave us a review, maybe? AND, twenty chapters, kids! That's a lot!**

* * *

><p><em>A bright light shines down on your surroundings, revealing a sterile, tiled room. The tiles make you feel unsettled for some unknown reason. They're white and pristine and they show you your distorted reflection. The strong smell of bleach reaches you and burns your nostrils. You wrinkle your nose in disgust. You feel something drip onto your forehead, and you roll your eyes, because it's just your luck to get caught in the rain.<em>

_And then you remember that it cannot be raining because you are in a tiled room with slanted versions of yourself staring back at you. Slowly- very, very slowly- you look up, an uneasy feeling forming in the pit of your stomach and growing at a rapid pace._

_You see her body above you, suspended in midair. Her crimson blood trickles down her arms, down her hands, straight to her fingertips. _

_And then it drips slowly onto you. _

_You let out a cry of surprise and fear, and suddenly, the blood is all around you, filling the tiled room like a swimming pool. It's thick and hot and it smells metallic and you so desperately want to run or vomit or both, but you can't. _

_All you can do is stare at her face. All you can do is watch her tears fall with the blood.  
>All you can do is weep for the broken body of the girl you love.<em>

I wake with a small yelp, and wipe the sweat from my brow. I look to my alarm clock. Four in the morning.  
>I sigh, and begin my new morning ritual that's been going on for the past month and a half. I finish any homework that I didn't finish the previous night, I shower, I read a few chapters of my book, and I try to make myself appear to be non sleep deprived.<p>

I've had the same nightmare every night since _it _happened. I imagine her body in that white room, and her blood all around me. I can't sleep without fear of seeing her. I can't close my eyes without having some sort of image of that day flash through my mind.

And it's driving me insane.

On Monday morning, I shuffle through the school doors, working on keeping my eyes open. I mumble a hello at Quinn when she greets me. She looks at me, worried, and I tell her I'm fine, just a bit tired.

"Why are you tired?" she asks me.  
>"Because I'm making sweet, sweet love to a hot Brazilian model every night." She looks at me skeptically. I sigh, and roll my heavy eyes.<p>

"I can't sleep," I struggle to tell her. I haven't told anyone about my nightmare before. "Every time I fall asleep, I dream about… about _it._"  
>Quinn rubs my arm sympathetically, and I sigh heavily.<p>

"I'm just so tired, Q," I tell her, tears filling my eyes. "I'm so tired." Without another word, Quinn takes my hand and leads me down the hall. My exhausted mind doesn't figure out where she's taking me until I'm outside the office.

"No way. No. Nu-uh. I'm not speaking to Ginger the Wide-Eyed Guidance Puppy." Quinn gives me a scolding look. I avert my eyes to avoid the guilt inducing hazel orbs.  
>"Ms. Pillsbury is easy to talk to. I've seen her since it happened, and the same with Rachel, and-" she stops, and doesn't continue. I know that she doesn't say Grey's name around me because she knows it hurts. Not that I've ever told her that it does. She has some kind of best-friend-psychic shit going on. Or maybe I'm just super easy to read. Either way, when she's around me, she doesn't say <em>her <em>name.

"Please, San," she says, "Go in there. If not for you, go for me. So I know that you're okay."  
>I nod wearily, and Quinn gives me a quick hug, before going to class.<p>

I knock tentatively on the door, and open it when a voice tells me to enter.

"Santana!" Ms. Pillsbury exclaims, surprised. "What are you doing here?" I swallow loudly, and inch slowly into the room.

"I've, uh, I've been having this, uh, this-"  
>"Why don't you sit down?" she asks, offering me a seat. I take it. "Now what seems to be the problem?"<p>

"I've been kind of sleep deprived lately." She turns red, and clears her throat.

"Santana, I'm not sure I'm the one you want to talk to about your, uh, sex life. Maybe a Sex Ed teacher? Or a parent? Or the homeless man who lives outside the Lima Bean?"

"What? No! I haven't been doing it."

She looks relieved.

"I've been having this dream… more like a nightmare. And it won't go away, and I can't get proper sleep. I know you're not a psychologist or whatever, but you are the closest thing this school has."  
>"Well first of all, thank you for coming to me. I know it's hard to admit that you may need some guidance, and this is a good step…"<p>

She tells me that she can listen to me, but can't really do anything beyond that except refer me to a psychologist. I tell her that I'll come back when I need to, but I don't want a psychologist.

I don't want to be crazy. I don't need someone analyzing me and telling me what I feel and why. So I just talk to Ms. Pillsbury more and more. Usually during my second period. And it helps. The nightmares come less frequently, and soon I'm able to sleep properly with only minimal interruptions.

With three months until Nationals, the glee club meetings get more tense as we practice. And while we wait for the announcement of the theme, Mr. Schue comes up with crappy ideas to keep us busy.

"Okay, you guys," he says, "I have an assignment for the week. For most of you, this is your last year of school." He pauses as people hug each other and I hold back my vomit. "And I want you all to leave school with friends you can count on. So, for this assignment, you're going to sing a message to someone in this room, to get your feelings across. Okay?"

And with that, we begin choosing our songs to sing on Wednesday and Friday.

When we're dismissed, I head to my locker to grab my crap.

"Santana? Can I talk to you?" she asks, and I freeze. Hearing her say my name again… it makes me sick with longing.

"Uh, sure," I reply, closing my locker. She stares at me with those huge gray eyes and I feel my breath catch. Her dark hair is now cut short- boy short- and her bangs are reminding me of Miley's latest look, but slightly shorter. It suits her.

"y-you cut your hair," I point out, lamely.

"Yeah, it was time for a change, you know." I nod absentmindedly. "So, uh, my therapist wanted me to start talking to people I hurt when I was self-harming." My stomach drops. "I wanted to, uh, apologize," she tells me. I shoot her a questioning look.

"It's just… I treated you like shit, and I'm sorry. I really loved you, Santana, and I didn't want to hurt you like I did."  
>"You said loved, like, past tense," I mumble. She clears her throat.<p>

"I really did. Part of me probably always will."

"But… you don't love me now." She shakes her head.

"Santana, I'm still-I'm still sick. I have to focus on my recovery and getting better. I can't have a relationship at the moment."

"That doesn't answer my question," I say quietly.

"San-"

"And in that note you left me, you told me that you wanted to marry me."

"San-"

"No, let me speak. Grey, I love you and I have for way longer than I'd like to admit. You make me feel like life is worth living. When you say my name, my heart bursts and my skin is on fire and all I want to do is hold you. But if you don't want a relationship, I'll move on. I won't make you feel awkward because of my feelings. So you tell me. Is there any ever chance of us getting back together."

"No," she whispers.

"Do you still love me?"

"No," she chokes out.

"Okay, then," I tell her, "I accept your apology, and you don't have to feel bad about anything. I swear."

"San, I'm so-"

"See you in glee, Grey." I say, and I walk away from the love of my life, my heart breaking with each step I put between us.

On Wednesday, some of us perform our songs. Rachel's rendition of We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together to a very persistent Finn brings down the house and reminds me to kick Hudson's ass. Blaine performs a song for Kurt, and Kurt returns the favour.

And then Grey stands up.

_Come on skinny love just last the year_  
><em>Pour a little salt we were never here<em>  
><em>My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my<em>  
><em>Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer<em>

_I tell my love to wreck it all_  
><em>Cut out all the ropes and let me fall<em>  
><em>My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my<em>  
><em>Right in the moment this order's tall<em>

_And I told you to be patient_  
><em>And told you to be fine<em>  
><em>And I told you to be balanced<em>  
><em>And I told you to be kind<em>  
><em>In the morning I'll be with you<em>  
><em>But it will be a different "kind"<em>  
><em>I'll be holding all the tickets<em>  
><em>And you'll be owning all the fines<em>

_Come on skinny love what happened here_  
><em>Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere<em>  
><em>My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my<em>  
><em>Sullen load is full; so slow on the split<em>

_And I told you to be patient_  
><em>And I told you to be fine<em>  
><em>And I told you to be balanced<em>  
><em>And I told you to be kind<em>  
><em>And now all your love is wasted?<em>  
><em>And then who the hell was I?<em>  
><em>And now I'm breaking at the britches<em>  
><em>And at the end of all your lines<em>

_Who will love you?_  
><em>Who will fight?<em>  
><em>Who will fall far behind?<em>

My jaw clenches in anger, and so do my fists. I feel myself shaking in rage, yet I can't stop it. All I can do is pick up my bag, and storm from the room.

And so I do it.

"Wait! Santana!" I hear Grey's voice call behind me. I don't respond. I keep walking. Suddenly, she catches up to me, and her hand on my shoulder stops me.

"Wait."

"NO! Grey, I'm not going to wait. Because I thought we were cool. You said we were fine, and then you go and sing a song about how shitty I was during our relationship?"

"But-"

"No. Stop. You said you don't blame me, and then you make me feel two inches tall in front of everybody. That's low, Grey. I didn't expect that from you." I walk away again, but I only manage a few steps before I hear her next words.

"I don't blame you. I blame myself." Okay. So that stops me. I don't turn to face her, I just stop, in the middle of the hall, and wait for her to continue.

"The lyrics… they're su-supposed t-to be like me t-talking to myself. I don't blame you. I'm the one that was fucking crazy and unbalanced and the complete opposite of fine. I didn't mean to upset you, Santana, I meant to say sorry."

"Well apology not accepted. I can't. I can't be around you and act like we did before. I can't stand being around you and not being yours."

"Santana, I'm so sorry. I wish that I could make it better, but I can't. All I'm left with are apologies. I am so sincerely sorry that I don't love you any more, I don't think I can make that more clear."

"I'm sorry, too," I whisper, and then I walk away for real this time, leaving Grey in my wake of sadness.

"So she said she doesn't love you any more?" Quinn asks incredulously, and I nod my head as I sip my milkshake.

"She's lying," Rachel says matter-of-factly, and I roll my eyes.

"I agree with Rachel," Quinn says, and I just shake my head.

"What am I supposed to do, trick her into admitting it?"

And all of a sudden, Rachel and Quinn are having a couples-telepathic conversation that goes along the lines of _blah blah blah let's get them back together._

"No, don't do anything. Don't meddle," I moan, and Quinn just scoffs.

"Please, when's the last time we meddled?"

* * *

><p><em>Weeks go by and Santana completely avoids me. The only time we see each other is in glee club, and even then she ignores me. And I try to do the same, I really do, but I can't stop noticing her sad eyes and pouty lips and legs to die for.<em>

_I still see Dr. Gold and Ms. Pillsbury, and the sessions take a lot out of me. I don't know who I am; I don't know what I feel. I don't know what to do._

_All I know is that Rachel and Quinn take turns driving me to Dr. Gold's, and sometimes they do it together._

_On one particular afternoon, Quinn turns off the ignition after she parks the car._

"_Thanks for the lift, Quinn," I tell her._

"_Wait. Grey. I need to speak to you about something." I remain in my seat, and wait for her to continue._

"_Look, there's no denying the fact that we have chemistry. And I think we should explore it." She leans in close to me, eyes half closed, mouth puckered, and I freak out._

_What the hell._

"_Quinn! What are you doing?"  
>"Come on, Grey. Nobody will ever find out. It'll be our little secret."<em>

"_No! I can't do this, Quinn! Not to Rachel!"_

"_What she doesn't know won't hurt her."_

_Shit, this chick won't back down._

"_I can't do this, Quinn."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because you love Rachel! And I love San-" I stop myself as I see the smirk spread on Quinn's face._

"_You bitch," I growl as I punch her in the arm. She doesn't even flinch._

"_GREY LOVES SPEZZ!" she screams loudly._

"_Shut up. Thank you so much, now I'm late to my appointment and am going to be distracted by you down here."_

"_Why?"_

"_Well I'm scared of what Rachel's going to say."_

"_Pfft. It was her idea. And she's rooting for you to reconcile with San."_

"_I can't." She scowls._

"_Why not?"_

"_Because… because I'm afraid that if I'm with her again, I'm just gonna end up breaking her heart." Quinn rolls her eyes at me._

"_Santana's a big girl. She can take care of herself. You just need to take care of you."_

_Quinn and Rachel stay on my back about telling Santana, but I can't do it. I just can't force myself to go over to her house and lay my feelings out bare. Whenever I see her in the halls I lose that tiny bit of confidence I may have had._

_And then one night, I go for a run. And as I run, I realize where I'm headed. Her house._

_And I don't stop. _

_Once I reach her front porch, I ring the doorbell and after a few moments, Tony opens the door. His features turn into a frown when he sees me._

"_Grey," he says, curtly._

"_Mr. Lopez," I acknowledge. A look of uncertainty crosses his face, and he pauses before speaking again._

"_You hurt my baby, Grey. And I know she's not innocent, either, but you hurt her." I hang my head in shame. "But nevertheless, I'm glad you're alright."_

"_Thank you, Sir. I appreciate that," I tell him. He sighs heavily._

"_I'll go get her for you." I thank him again, and then I'm alone for a few moments before Santana appears. I see her, and my breath catches._

"_I-I lied to you, San," I say after a few moments, and she laughs bitterly._

"_Why am I not surprised?"_

"_I lied when I said I loved you. Because I never stopped, San. You… You give me purpose, and you make me happy. But we can't be together." Her features contort into that of rage._

"_Grey, what the hell? You come here, confess you love and just… tell me that we can't be together?!"_

"_I'm so sorry," I tell her, tears threatening to spill over. "Believe me, I am."_

"_If you're so sorry about it, why do you keep doing this? Why can't we just make it work?"_

"_I. Can't. Be. With. You."_

"_Why not? Grey, us being together isn't a bad thing! Why can't you just be happy?"_

"_BECAUSE I'M SCARED, SANTANA. I AM SO FREAKING TERRIFIED OF HURTING YOU ALL OVER AGAIN." I pause for a moment, and wipe at the steady flow of tears._

"_I'm still sick, San. I'm constantly confused about my feelings, I'm always in therapy. The only thing I'm sure of is how I feel about you. But I'm so, so scared of ruining everything all over again. I'm afraid of breaking us. I couldn't live with hurting you again. I barely did the first time."_

_And then I'm sobbing and I'm a mess, and she steps towards me and cups my face with her hands. She uses the pads of thumbs to wipe away my tears._

"_I can't hurt you again, Santana," I mumble, "I can't."_

"_Shh, Grey. Come on, now. Try and calm down." She takes my hand and presses it against her chest. I feel the steady beat of her heart against my hand, and her soft hand over the top of mine._

"_Grey, I'm going to say this once, and I don't want you to interrupt me. Grey, I'm pretty tough. I can handle this; I can handle you. I want to be there to help you. And if you ever feel like you're slipping, I'll remind you of my heartbeat. It's steady, and it's strong and it's beating for you." She puts her other hand on my chest._

"_And yours is beating for me."_

_And she rests her forehead against mine and we stand like that for an eternity, breathing each other in._

_She takes me by he hand and leads me to the porch seat. She nestles into my shoulder as we sit._

"_It… Will it be like it was before?" I ask._

"_Probably not. But we'll take it slowly, and we'll see what happens."_

_And then I look at her, and I stare into her brown eyes and I know that I'm safe. I lean forward and place my lips softly on hers, and she kisses me back, and all is good in the world._

* * *

><p>We decide to keep it quiet, and only tell our parents. Hiram and Leroy aren't thrilled, but they know that I'm what Grey needs. I sit with them and I tell them that I will never hurt her again; that I'll always make sure she's okay. I'm not sure if they believe me, but they give me their blessing any way.<p>

My parents welcome Grey back with open arms. My Mami is more accepting. Papi acts like a kid, and tries not to act too happy, but after a few afternoons together he soon acts like himself again.

Everyone figures it out, eventually. I mean, I drive her to all of her sessions, and we spend pretty much all of our time together. Our friends don't ask about us, but they know.

And Grey makes me double date with Q and her Hobbit (not that I'm allowed to call Berry that anymore, but who gives a flying rat's ass.).

"Should we tell people about us?" Grey asks me as we lie on a blanket in her garden. I chuckle.

"I'm pretty sure everyone already knows," I tell her.

"No, but should we make it official?" I smile, because I know she's ready, and this is a big step for her. So I just shake my head.

"Let's just leave it. Telling people doesn't make it official, we do."

She kisses my cheek, and I kiss her back, and in my mind I have the perfect song to sing for her in glee club.

"Mr. Schue? Do you mind if I sing something? I have a little number prepared." He gives me the go-ahead, and I take a seat at the piano, and slowly begin. I find Grey's eyes and I smile- she looks excited.

_I'll never be_  
><em>A knight in armor<em>  
><em>With a sword in hand,<em>  
><em>Or a kamikaze fighter;<em>  
><em>Don't count on me<em>  
><em>To storm the barricades<em>  
><em>And take a stand,<em>  
><em>Or hold my ground;<em>  
><em>You'll never see<em>  
><em>Any scars or wounds -<em>  
><em>I don't walk on coals,<em>  
><em>I wont walk on water:<em>  
><em>I am no prince,<em>  
><em>I am no saint,<em>  
><em>I am not anyone's wildest dream,<em>  
><em>But I will stand behind<em>  
><em>And be someone to fall back on.<em>

_Some comedy -_  
><em>You're bruised and beaten down<em>  
><em>And I'm the one<em>  
><em>Who's looking for a favor.<em>  
><em>Still, honestly,<em>  
><em>You don't believe me<em>  
><em>But the things I have<em>  
><em>Are the things you need.<em>  
><em>You look at me<em>  
><em>Like I don't make sense,<em>  
><em>Like a waste of time,<em>  
><em>Like it serves no purpose -<em>  
><em>I am no prince,<em>  
><em>I am no saint,<em>  
><em>And if that's what you believe you need,<em>  
><em>You're wrong - you don't need much,<em>  
><em>You need someone to fall back on...<em>

_And Ill be that:_  
><em>Ill take your side.<em>  
><em>If I'm the only one,<em>  
><em>I'm used to that.<em>  
><em>I've been alone,<em>  
><em>I'd rather be<em>  
><em>The half of us,<em>  
><em>The least of you,<em>  
><em>The best of me.<em>  
><em>And I will be<em>  
><em>I'll be your prince,<em>  
><em>Ill be your saint,<em>  
><em>I will go crashing through fences<em>  
><em>In your name. I will, I swear -<em>  
><em>Ill be someone to fall back on!<em>  
><em>Ill be the one who waits,<em>  
><em>And for as long as you'll let me,<em>  
><em>I will be the one you need.<em>  
><em>Ill be someone to fall back on<em>  
><em>ill be someone to fall back on<em>  
><em>one to fall back on...<em>

I take my seat as my peers applaud me. Grey takes my hand in hers and out fingers intertwine. I feel my heart flutter as she whispers 'I love you', and her smile widens when I say it back.

And in this moment I know that if I have my way, I'll never let go of her hand again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN****: Okay, songs used are Skinny Love- Bon Iver and Someone To Fall Back On- Aly Michalka. Yay! Adios, bitchachos.**


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**A/N: Wow, so, er... Been a while? Not gonna lie, not only did I not have time to write this, I really didn't know where I wanted it to go. It's pretty short, but the next chapter will probably be a monster (as well as the last. Eep.) As always, a massive thank you to my beta TriedToLie. She thought she could get away from me by moving interstate, but I proved her wrong.**

**Read, review (if you wanna) and enjoy!**

* * *

><p><em>"Are you ready?" I whisper, holding her hand tight. She nods her head unsurely, biting her bottom lip.<em>

_"I-I think so," she mumbles, "besides the fact I may pass out at any moment."_

_"C'mon, Spezz, you'll be fine. Remember, you're singing to me. You're singing for me." She nods again, more determined this time._

_"Break a leg," I say, kissing her on the cheek. A voice booms around us, welcoming the New Directions, and my heart stops when I see her on the stage._

* * *

><p>"Believe?!" Puck says incredulously. "Who comes up with this crapola?"<p>

"I agree with Puckerman," Kurt interjects, bored, "Every song we come up with is going to be clichéd and sappy."

"OH. MY. GOD." Blaine screams, and everyone quiets and turns to him.  
>"We can sing When You Believe from The Prince of Egypt! OH MY GOD OR I CAN GO THE DISTANCE FROM HERCULES." Kurt smacks his hand against his forehead and Grey claps excitedly. I don't understand how I date this nerd. Mercedes says something about Whitney and 'Black Thunder'. I roll my eyes as Schuester writes down the suggestions on the whiteboard. He tells us to come back on Wednesday with songs prepared.<p>

And it turns out that there are _a lot _of songs that people associate with Believe. People come in on Wednesday, ready to sing their little hearts out. Quinn sings Hey There Delilah for her hobbit (and I resist the urge to murder her). Blaine sings I Can Go The Distance, and Grey claps excitedly when he's done. I face the realization that I'm dating a four year old. Puck sings some acoustic version of a song called Believe, and it's not that bad. I wipe away tears when Grey sings Skyscraper, and tell her I'm proud.

"Mr. Schue, I have something else to show everyone," Blaine says. Mercedes scoffs, and everyone turns to look at her.

"Look, Blaine, I love you, but I'm sick of you trying to take the spot light." Ooh, bitch fight.

"But it's-"

"I kind of agree," Tina says.

"It's unfair! Why does Blainers get it all?" I roll my eyes, and turn to Mercedes.

"Maybe it's because he's better than you, Aretha. Maybe it's because he goes to the trouble of finding good songs rather than the first crap that comes to mind. He prepares, and he does it well."

"Satan, don't go telling me that he works harder-"

"But he does. Do you have a song for today?" She doesn't answer. "Didn't think so. Blaine works for what he gets, so lay off him."

Everyone's silent. Kurt shoots me a look that I take to mean 'thank you', and Grey squeezes my hand.

"Well after all of that, I think I'll sing my song now," I say, and I stand up.

* * *

><p><em>Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky<em>  
><em>Then it starts to rain, my defenses hit the ground<em>  
><em>And they shatter all around, so open and exposed<em>  
><em>I found strength in the struggle<em>  
><em>Face to face with my trouble <em>

_When you're broken in a million little pieces _  
><em>And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore<em>  
><em>Every tear falls down for a reason<em>  
><em>Don't you stop believing in yourself<em>  
><em>When you're broken <em>

_Little girl don't be so blue_  
><em>I know what you're going through <em>  
><em>Don't let it beat you up<em>  
><em>Hitting walls and getting scars <em>  
><em>Only makes you who you are<em>  
><em>Only makes you who you are<em>  
><em>No matter how much your heart is aching<em>  
><em>There is beauty in the breaking<em>  
><em>Yeah <em>

_When you're broken in a million little pieces _  
><em>And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore<em>  
><em>Every tear falls down for a reason<em>  
><em>Don't you stop believing in yourself <em>  
><em>When you're broken <em>

_Better days are gonna find you once again _  
><em>Every piece will find its place <em>

_When you're broken, when you're broken _

_When you're broken in a million little pieces _  
><em>But you're trying but you can't hold on anymore<em>  
><em>Every tear falls down for a reason<em>  
><em>Don't you stop believing in yourself <em>  
><em>When you're broken<em>  
><em>Oh, when you're broken<em>  
><em>When you're broken<em>  
><em>When you're broken<em>

* * *

><p><em>The next day, after Mercedes performs her lackluster song, Blaine stands up again.<em>

_"So I came up with this when we first got the assignment. I was going to show everyone yesterday, but…" he looks at Mercedes, and she shifts uncomfortably. He hands all the girls a sheet of paper, and when I read over it, I'm bloody impressed. He's arranged the entire song for us girls, seeing as the boys had their own number at Regionals. Mr. Schue gives him a slap on the back, and mutters 'good job'._

_And just like that, we have our second song for Nationals._

* * *

><p><em>Many nights we've prayed<em>  
><em>With no proof anyone could hear<em>  
><em>In our hearts a hopeful song<em>  
><em>We barely understood<em>  
><em>Now we are not afraid<em>  
><em>Although we know there's much to fear<em>  
><em>We were moving mountains<em>  
><em>Long before we knew we could<em>

_There can be miracles_  
><em>When you believe<em>  
><em>Though hope is frail<em>  
><em>It's hard to kill<em>  
><em>Who knows what miracles<em>  
><em>You can achieve<em>  
><em>When you believe<em>  
><em>Somehow you will<em>  
><em>You will when you believe<em>

* * *

><p><em>"So, Grey, how's everything going?" my therapist asks me.<em>

_"Uh, yeah, it's going pretty good. I mean, I'm in a good place right now. No, uh, no harming, no bad thoughts. It's pretty good."_

_"But…." I sigh. There's no point of trying to hide things with a damn psychologist._

_"It's just… My glee club's going to New York for Nationals, and the last time I was in New York I kind of proposed to my girlfriend."_

_"Grey, that's a big step in the relationship."_  
><em>"We weren't like, actually engaged, but we had promise rings and we thought we were going to be together forever."<em>  
><em>"And then you broke up."<em>  
><em>"And now we're back together."<em>

_"So what's the problem?"_  
><em>"It's just… I'm right back where I was before. I'm head over heels in love with her, and I want to spend the rest of my life waking up beside her. I just don't want to freak her out again."<em>

_"Aren't you both going to college together?"_

_"Yeah, but-"_

_"And aren't you apartment hunting?"_

_"We have a few-"_

_"You're moving in with this girl and you're afraid she doesn't feel the same way?" I chuckle. The doc's proving a very good point._

_"Okay, okay, you're right." She smiles widely._

_"I always am, Grey."_

* * *

><p><em>In this time of fear<em>  
><em>When prayer so often proves in vain<em>  
><em>Hope seemed like the summer birds<em>  
><em>Too swiftly flown away<em>  
><em>Yet now I'm standing here<em>  
><em>My heart's so full, I can't explain<em>  
><em>Seeking faith and speaking words<em>  
><em>I never thought I'd say<em>

_There can be miracles_  
><em>When you believe<em>  
><em>Though hope is frail<em>  
><em>It's hard to kill<em>  
><em>Who knows what miracles<em>  
><em>You can achieve<em>  
><em>When you believe<em>  
><em>Somehow you will<em>  
><em>You will when you believe<em>

_They don't always happen when you ask_  
><em>And it's easy to give in to your fears<em>  
><em>But when you're blinded by your pain<em>  
><em>Can't see your way clear through the rain<em>  
><em>A small, but still, resilient voice<em>  
><em>Says help is very near<em>

_There can be miracles_  
><em>When you believe<em>  
><em>Though hope is frail<em>  
><em>It's hard to kill<em>  
><em>Who knows what miracles<em>  
><em>You can achieve<em>  
><em>When you believe<em>  
><em>Somehow you will<em>  
><em>You will when you believe<em>

* * *

><p>We start talking about college, and I have a mini panic attack. I don't know where I want to study. I don't know <em>what <em>to study. Grey laughs and calls me _adorable _and usually, I'd go Lima Heights on someone calling me cute. But it's Grey, and instead I just kiss her.

We both apply to the same colleges, all in New York. The day we find out we got into NYU, Grey practically jumps my bones. When I tell Mami, she squeals and hugs me tightly. Papi's eyes begin watering, and he mutters something about his 'damn allergies'.

Back in Glee Club, we decide on our three songs: When You're Broken, a solo by yours truly, When You Believe, an all girls group number, and Taylor Swift's Change as a group number.

And we practice and we do exams and we edge closer and closer to being done with McKinley for the rest of our lives.

* * *

><p><em>And it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you<em>  
><em>Somebody else gets what you wanted again and<em>  
><em>You know it's all the same, another time and place<em>  
><em>Repeating history and you're getting sick of it<em>  
><em>But I believe in whatever you do<em>  
><em>And I'll do anything to see it through<em>

_Because these things will change_  
><em>Can you feel it now?<em>  
><em>These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down<em>  
><em>This revolution, the time will come<em>  
><em>For us to finally win<em>  
><em>And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah<em>

_So we've been outnumbered_  
><em>Raided and now cornered<em>  
><em>It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair<em>  
><em>We're getting stronger now<em>  
><em>Find things they never found<em>  
><em>They might be bigger<em>  
><em>But we're faster and never scared<em>  
><em>You can walk away, say we don't need this<em>  
><em>But there's something in your eyes<em>  
><em>Says we can beat this<em>

_Because these things will change_  
><em>Can you feel it now?<em>  
><em>These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down<em>  
><em>This revolution, the time will come<em>  
><em>For us to finally win<em>  
><em>And we'll sing hallelujah, well sing hallelujah<em>

_Tonight we stand, get off our knees_  
><em>Fight for what we've worked for all these years<em>  
><em>And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives<em>  
><em>But we'll stand up champions tonight<em>

_It was the night things changed_  
><em>Can you see it now?<em>  
><em>These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down<em>  
><em>It's a revolution, throw your hands up<em>  
><em>Cause we never gave in<em>  
><em>And we sang hallelujah, we sang hallelujah<em>  
><em>Hallelujah<em>

* * *

><p><em>We stand on stage, Santana's hand in mine. The entire crowd is silent, waiting for the judges to announce the winners.<em>

_"If we win this, I think Hobbit will explode," Santana mutters into my ear. I look over to Rachel, who looks like she's about to crap her pants or faint or both at the same time._

_"And the winner is…."_

_In that moment, I realize that I don't care. I don't care whether we win or lose, I don't care if we get the big gold trophy._

_All that matters is that Santana stands by my side, my hand in hers. Her breathing is all that concerns me, as well as the fact that she'll be mine forever._

* * *

><p>We stand on the roof, in the same rooftop garden as we did last year. So much has happened since then. And now, we're here, two-time national show-choir champions. Grey stands at the edge of the roof, her hands resting on the edge. Her eyes are closed, and the only time I've ever seen her this serene is when we went to the planetarium on our first date.<p>

"Grey, there's a reason I asked you to come up here with me."

"Are you gonna propose to me like I did last time?"

I laugh awkwardly.

"Not really. But…." I pull the box from my pocket.

"No. Wait. San, I was-"

Putting her out of her misery, I flip the box open. Her eyes fall on the key, and her confusion is only slightly bated.

"When we move here in the fall, I want to move here with you. I want to wake up to you every morning and fall asleep beside you every night. I want our lives together to be one giant cliché of mushy happiness. My dad, he bought this apartment as an investment, and he's willing to give it to us rent free for the first year we're here. If you don't want to—"

Her lips are on mine, and I fumble to shut the box and put it away.

All I feel is her and I know that she's all that I need. I spoke of clichés and happiness, but I all I really want is one thing for the rest of my days.

Grey Berry, and her heart.

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue will be up soon, bros.<strong>


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two: Epilogue

_**DISCLAIMER**_**: Glee isn't mine. Grey and any other original character within this chapter are.**

_**A/N: **_**Okay, kids. Here we go. The epilogue. Filled with lots of cliched fluff. Time jumps are weird, but should make sense. Longer A/N down the bottom.**

* * *

><p>"I'm proposing to her," Grey stated as she sat at the kitchen table. Rachel choked on her coffee.<p>

"_What?!" _she shrieked, a few decibels too loud for everyone's hangovers. Grey sat with Kurt, Rachel and her new sister-in-law, Quinn Fabray-Berry. Santana was still in bed, unconscious and oblivious to the major life changing conversation happening one floor below her.

"I'm proposing," Grey repeated, pulling a box from her pocket. She flipped it open, and her friends gasped at the sight.

"How in the name of all that is Barbara did you afford _that_?" Rachel squeaked.

"It was my mothers. I picked up a whole bunch of my parents' stuff from storage, and I found this." Rachel tried- and failed- to hold back her tears, and Quinn just ruffled Grey's short hair.

"My little kid's growing up," she sighed.

"How are you proposing?" Kurt asked, mouth filled with waffles.

"I don't know yet, I'm still planning everything." Grey took the box back from Rachel and snapped the lid shut, smiling to herself.

She wanted to make Santana Lopez her wife.

0-0-0

"Grey, where are you taking me?"

"Shut up, Lopez, you'll find out soon enough." Grey laughed as she heard her girlfriend mumble something about Lima Heights Adjacent. Santana's breathing got heavier as they made their way up the steep hill. When they reached the top, Santana's breath was taken away again. A picnic blanket lay; basket perched on top, ready for them to dine.

As they finished their gourmet sandwiches, Grey pulled out her iPod speakers from the basket, and plugged in her iPod.

"Dance with me?" she asked her girlfriend, who readily accepted her offer.

_The book of love is long and boring__  
><em>_No one can lift the damn thing__  
><em>_It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing__  
><em>_But I__  
><em>_I love it when you read to me__  
><em>_And you__  
><em>_You can read me anything_

Santana sighed contently into Grey's shoulder, and suddenly, the nerves that had been eating away at Grey for the better part of a month finally disappeared. This was always how it was meant to be.

_The book of love has music in it__  
><em>_In fact that's where music comes from__  
><em>_Some of it is just transcendental__  
><em>_Some of it is just really dumb__  
><em>_But I__  
><em>_I love it when you sing to me__  
><em>_And you__  
><em>_You can sing me anything_

"I love you so much, Santana," Grey whispered, her voice thick with emotions her words couldn't convey.

"You're the best thing in my life," Santana replied simply.

_The book of love is long and boring__  
><em>_And written very long ago__  
><em>_It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes__  
><em>_And things we're all too young to know__  
><em>_But I__  
><em>_I love it when you give me things__  
><em>_And you__  
><em>_You ought to give me wedding rings_

"Santana, can you pass me a tissue, please?" As Santana turned around, Grey fell to her knee, and fumbled to pull the ring out of her pocket. As the Latina turned back around, she gasped at the sight before her.

"Santana Lopez, I have loved you since I first saw you in the choir room all those years ago. I've loved you since you took me on our first proper date under the stars. I've loved you since our first time together in New York when I accidentally proposed. I've loved you for every minute of every day since our beginning. Even when I said I hated you, I loved you. You're my entire world, and you deserve everything it has to offer. And I hope you'll accept _my _offer, and marry me."

Santana wiped away a stray tear from her cheek, trying to keep her sobbing under control.

"Santana, will you marry me?"

Unable to do anything else, Santana nodded spastically, as Grey slid the ring onto her finger. She stood, and Santana pulled her fiancé in, crushing their lips together.

_And I__  
><em>_I love it when you give me things__  
><em>_And you__  
><em>_You ought to give me wedding rings__  
><em>_And I__  
><em>_I love it when you give me things__  
><em>_And you__  
><em>_You ought to give me wedding rings__  
><em>_You ought to give me wedding rings_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Grey, tell me. You're new on the Hollywood scene, and already regarded as one of the best. How did this all happen?<strong>_

_Well To tell you the truth, I'm also completely shocked. After the film's premier in Cannes and later at Sundance, I was really grateful to have the chance to spread it to a wider audience._

_**So you not only starred in the film, but you wrote the screenplay?**_

_Yeah. It was a really big challenge for me, putting my heart and soul into this movie, but it was so worth it. The reception it's received… I'm so grateful to have fans like I have. And I'm so grateful to my family for being so supportive through it all._

_**I heard recently that your sister is in fact Broadway up-and-comer Rachel Berry?**_

_You heard right. She's my big sister, even though that sounds ridiculous. She's the shortest Broadway star ever [laughs]. She's the best. She's so talented, and I'm so proud that she's made it to where she wants to be._

_**There have been rumours of a girlfriend recently, would you like to shed some light on that?**_

_I don't have a girlfriend, but I did just get engaged to the most wonderful human being in the world. You may have heard of her. Santana Lopez? She just toured with Beyonce? _

_**Congratulations! How did the two of you meet?**_

_Thank you. We met in high school; we were in Glee Club together, and she stole my heart very early on in the piece._

_**And what are your plans now? Another movie?**_

_I've got a few things up my sleeve, and I've been thinking of expanding out of the film industry in terms of my writing, so we'll see where the next few years take me._

* * *

><p>"You nervous?" Rachel whispered to her sister.<p>

"I've been waiting for this day since High School, Rach." Grey swallowed audibly. "Of course I'm nervous."

Rachel laughed at her sister before pulling her in for a hug.

"You'll be fine. Once you see her… it'll all be okay." Grey nodded in agreement.

After what seemed like an eternity, Grey's fathers accompanied her down the aisle. Grey watched as the music started and Quinn on Blaine's arm, and Rachel on Kurt's walked down the aisle in front of her towards the officiator- Puck.

And suddenly, the guests stood up, and the music swelled and her fathers guided Grey down the white carpet aisle. She focused on putting one foot in front of the other, desperately trying not to trip. After another eternity, she whispered, "I love you" to her fathers, and they took their seat.

The music swelled again.

Santana appeared, flanked by her parents, and Grey's breath caught in her throat. Her bride was more than gorgeous.

Her bride was more than anything she had ever seen.

The world stopped in that moment, and Grey stopped with it. Nothing moved, not an inch, except for Santana making her way down the aisle.

Grey was only slightly aware of Puck speaking. She couldn't tear her gaze away from the woman standing in front of her. Somewhere in the distance, she heard someone say her name.

"Huh?"

The guests laughed as Grey blushed. Santana rolled her eyes playfully.

"The vows, you goof," Puck laughed, and Grey nodded.

"Right. Gotcha. Vows." Grey took a deep breath before speaking.

"A few weeks ago, Rachel made me memorize my vows, but I knew it'd be pointless. I knew that as soon as I'd look at you, you'd leave me speechless, and my brain would turn to mush. I was right. San, you've been leaving me speechless for eight years, since I first saw you beginning of Junior Year. I know it sounds silly, but I loved you from that very first time we locked eyes. My stomach went all weird and I knew then you would change my life. Every step I've taken since that fateful day has led me to loving you more and more. You're my best friend, the love of my life, and my soul mate. And now, today, I get to add "wife" to that list and it makes me so ecstatic because for the rest of my days I get to wake up to you and your smile, and nothing could possibly beat that feeling."

Santana wiped tears from her eyes as Grey mouthed 'I love you'.

"When we first got engaged, I was seventeen and you were a few days shy of your seventeenth birthday," Santana began. Grey chuckled at the memory.

"You told me you wanted to marry me, and I was surprised to realize my feelings were the same. On that same trip, I told you how I curse my inability to phrase my thoughts, and I still do. Grey, no human words can describe my feelings for you. I've looked in different languages, and nothing even comes close. What I feel is what I see in my parents, and in your dads, and in the Faberrys. It's a feeling of… If I were to lose you, my world would cease to exist because you're it. It's the fact that the knowledge that you're waiting for me at home spurs me on indefinitely. What I feel for you is love in its purest, most special, undiluted form. Each day with you is one to cherish and I know that every day I spend as your wife will be the happiest day of my life."

Puck said some more things, rings were placed on fingers, a plate was smashed, and just like that, they were married. Finally.

* * *

><p>"We should've come two months ago, Spezz."<p>

"You know that wasn't possible, Babe. You had your book tour and-"

"And you had the crazy meetings and whatnot. I know, I know," Grey said with a sigh. "She's just so goddamn adorable." Grey kissed the baby she held in her arms. Santana touched her niece's arm lightly, and sighed.

"Who knew Man Hands could make something so perfect?" Grey smiled.

"If I wasn't holding a super adorable baby right now, I'd hit you over the head for calling my sister Man Hands."

"But that's how I won you over, with my quick-wittedness and hilarious insults."  
>"I seem to remember <em>me <em>wooing _you _with my thought out plans and amazing drawings. And a few songs here and there." Santana sauntered over and kissed her wife lightly on the mouth.

"You guys, stop corrupting our two month old daughter," Quinn said, walking into the room.

"Says her lesbian mother," Santana retorted, before giving Grey another kiss. Rachel rolled her eyes as she joined the group.

"Grey, pass me Tahlia, she needs a nap."  
>"Nooooooooo."<p>

"Grey, hand over the baby."

"Nooooooo, now she's mine."

"Grace Charlotte Addison Harper Shephard- Lopez-Berry, hand. Me. The baby."

"You did not just full name me." Grey passed the baby to Santana. "Just let Spezz have a cuddle, I've been hogging her all day." Rachel sighed, but let it go. Santana took the baby awkwardly, clearly scared. But as soon as Tahlia was safely in her arms, her unease transformed into utter adoration. Grey watched Santana with complete contentment. When Rachel finally took the baby from Santana, the Latina pouted and huffed in sadness.

"I want one," she moaned quietly. Grey froze and turned to stare at her.

"Did I just…. Say that out loud?" Santana said, turning redder than her old cheerleading uniform. Grey's smile took up half of her face.  
>"Yeah, you did," she said, giving her wife a kiss, "And I'm so glad you did."<p>

"Can we talk about this when Quinn's _not _standing in the corner giggling?" Grey nodded and the couple kissed again.

Once Rachel returned- sans baby- the four women sat together, informing each other of their lives.

"So how was the book tour?" Quinn asked Grey, taking a sip of coffee.

"A hassle. I love meeting fans, and all that crap, but it was hard to enjoy it when I had pictures of my niece popping up on my phone every five minutes. Not to mention Santana's nude pics." Rachel choked on her drink, and Quinn roared with laughter. Santana's face blushed again.

"How 'bout you guys?" Grey asked. "Not working anymore, being full time mums?"

Rachel and Quinn gave each other sappy smiles- ones that would've made High-School-Santana roll her eyes and pretend vomit.

"It's amazing," Rachel gushed, "getting to spend so much time together and with Tahlia."  
>"But you miss the stage, don't you?" Santana asked.<p>

"Of course, I'm Rachel Berry-" the group laughed, "-but Tahlia makes not being on stage worth it." They chatted for a while longer, before Quinn and Rachel set down their cups.

"You guys," Quinn said, "There's something we want to ask you." Santana looked to her wife, who shared her confusion.

"We want you to be Tahlia's godmothers," Rachel said, excitedly. Grey laughed happily and jumped up to give her sister a hug. Santana fought back tears as she hugged Quinn.

"This is so amazing," Santana said, wiping away her escaping tears. Grey put her arm around Santana's waist, and Santana leant her head against her wife's shoulder.

"Oh god," Quinn said.

"What is it?"

"Imagine the christening. 'Grace Charlotte Addison Harper Shephard- Lopez-Berry, you are now the godmother of Tahlia Jade Fabray-Berry." The group laughed.

"I'm still astonished you didn't name her after a Wicked character," Santana chuckled.

"Hardest decision of Rachel's life," Quinn joked.

0-0-0

"So you really want one?" Grey asked Santana as they lay in bed that night.

"I don't want just one, I want loads."  
>"Loads, huh?"<p>

"Yes, ma'am." Grey smiled, and kissed Santana.

"You realize you'll have to take a break from the movies and the directing and book thing?"

"And you realize no more touring for a while?" Santana chuckled.

"I'll tell you what," Grey said, "Once we finish this next movie together, we start trying." The couple was collaborating on a new film together, Santana's first venture into acting. They were Hollywood's power couple, dominating the world one success at a time.

"San," Grey said after a few moment of silence, "I want to adopt a kid. Like… An older kid."

"Let me guess, someone like you?"

"Exactly. I got my second chance, and it led me to everything good in my life. Others deserve that chance too."

"Grace Charlotte Addison Harper Shephard Lopez-Berry, we will adopt as many 16 year olds as you want." Grey laughed.

"Let's just start with one and see how we go."

"You know," Santana said, seductively, "we can practice making a baby right now, if you want." Grey let out a peal of laughter.

"Goodnight, Spezz."

"Goodnight, my wife."

* * *

><p>"<em><strong>So, you two are considered to be one of Hollywood's most high-profile couples. Does the pressure ever test your relationship?"<strong>_

"_Well, yes and no. I mean, there are times when you wish you didn't have someone holding a camera in your face 24/7, but it never really tests our relationship."_

"_Yeah, without sounding too cocky, my relationship with Santana is rock-solid. I mean… She's the love of my life, I could never live without her."_

"_**People are calling you the next Brad and Angelina. Is that accurate?"**_

"_Only if Brad is secretly a woman."_

"_It's not accurate in the slightest. Grey tries, but her facial hair just can't compare to Brad's 'stache."  
>"The lucky bastard. I just don't understand how he gets it so full and luscious."<em>

"_**What's next on the cards for you two?"**_

"_Our movie's coming out in December-"_

"_-And Grey's new book is coming out sometime next year-"_

"_And after that, there's nothing special planned. Maybe a little break from our hectic schedules."_

"_Maybe trade it for an even crazier schedule."_

_**"What's that supposed to mean?!"**_

"_Figure it out yourself, Oprah."_

"_**You've been seen at different orphanages around America, would you care to comment on that?"**_

"_We like the architecture."_

"_Shut up, Spezz."_

"_Greeeeyyy, you promised not to call me that during interviews!"_

"_Well that's what you get for being sarcastic. Don't you pout at me! Sorry, what was the question again?"_

"_**Orphanages?"**_

"_Oh, right. Well, I was adopted when I was sixteen, and it was a second chance. It was amazing. My dads were great parents, my sister was awesome, and I met some of my best friends when I moved schools."_

"_**So you want to give other kids a chance?"**_

"_Kind of. It's hard to explain."_

"_Let's just go with yes, Grey. We don't want to bore the poor lady."_

"_**Do you think your relationship will last, or will It fall into one of the pitfalls of Hollywood love?"**_

"_What a stupid question."_

"_I agree."_

"_How incredibly idiotic."_

"_Look, I already made the mistake of losing Grey once. There's not a snowball's chance in hell that I would do it again."_

* * *

><p>"Grey, this is sort of, kind of crazy."<p>

"Why? It's fine!"

"Grey. She's twelve. I'm twenty nine. I was seventeen when she was born!"

"Santana, we've met her, and have been speaking to her for months! She's perfect! She's funny, smart, honest. She's amazing. And I want her to be a part of our family, I don't care about our age or hers."

"But this is borderline ridiculous. How can we discipline a twelve year old when we can barely take care of ourselves?!"

"San, you loved her as soon as you met her." Santana sighed.

"What if she doesn't like us, or what if something happens and-" Grey put a finger to Santana's lips.

"Santana Marie Lopez-Berry. She will like us. She will like _you_. What's not to like?" Santana smiled and kissed her wife.

"Okay, let's finalize it."

"We should probably tell Janet. Get her to release a statement once everything's official." Santana nodded and smiled widely.

"Our own twelve year old. This is crazy."

"I know," Grey sighed, "And I'm so damn excited."

0-0-0

"So this is your room. It's pretty much empty because we wanted you to pick out your own stuff and decorate it how you want," Santana said to the girl. Her name was Lucy.

"What's the deal? Do I call you 'mum' or-"

"Well right now we're just your foster parents. In a few months, if everything's awesome, hopefully we can adopt you."  
>"You call us what you feel comfortable calling us. Call me Grey. Call her Spezz." Santana sighed, and rolled her eyes. Lucy chuckled. "Any other questions?"<br>"School?"  
>"Well, you had to transfer from your old school, but we haven't decided yet. You can go to public school, or a private one. You decide." Lucy nodded, dissecting the information in her head.<p>

"And pretty much everyone will know about this? I mean, you guys are famous…"

"It'll be hard," San said, "especially with the reporters everywhere. But just don't feel pressured to be or do anything you don't want, got it?" Lucy nodded.

"Let's go get some lunch, and then we'll buy you some stuff for your room."

"Sounds good," Lucy said, and followed her mothers downstairs.

* * *

><p>"How do we tell her?" Santana murmured to her wife, their hands interlocked.<p>

"We tell her the truth. She'll understand. She's been with us for two years, we're not about to kick her out," Grey replied, trying to convince herself as well as Santana. She knocked tentatively on Lucy's bedroom door.

"Luce?" Can we talk to you for a second?" Lucy pulled off her headphones and beckoned for her parents to enter.

"Lucy, we uh-"

"Am I in trouble?"

"What? No!"

"Because I _really _didn't mean to break the-"

"Honey you're not in trouble!" Santana reiterated, chuckling as the nearly-fourteen year old sighed.

"So what's up?"

"Well… Santana… she's, uh, she's…" Grey looked to her wife to help her out.

"We're having a baby, Luce." The couple watched as their daughter's features fell.

"Oh."

"Santana's not that pregnant yet, so this is still a secret-"

"I understand. When should I pack my bags?" Grey laughed loudly.

"What? Lucy, why would you-"

"You guys are having a baby. I'm obviously not a part of your 'family' image. Don't worry, I kinda expected it-"

"Lucy Athena, you stop talking right now," Santana said loudly, "You're not going anywhere. You're just as much a part of this family as any of us. Got it?" Lucy nodded, her eyes slightly widened in fright. Santana got scary sometimes.

"Luce. You're gonna be a big sister," Grey grinned, and felt her heart warm as Lucy smiled back.

"As long as I get to keep my room," she joked.

0-0-0

"Are we finding out what it is?" Grey asked her Santana as she lay back on the bed.

"Well Lucy wants to know, and I want to know, so-"

"So I'm outnumbered on the whole "not knowing" thing?"

"Pretty much," Santana grinned.

Before Grey answered back, a distraction arrived in the form of their doctor.

"Mrs and Mrs Lopez-Berry, how are we doing this fine day?" he asked.

"Aside from a bit of morning sickness and cravings, everything's just peachy."

"Don't forget the mood swings," Grey added. Santana scowled, and the doctor chuckled.

"Alrighty, let's see this baby." At the doctor's instructions, Santana lifted her shirt and winced as the doctor squeezed cold gel onto her expanding stomach. The couple stared at the screen in adoration.

"Everything's good here…. Oh."

Grey's eyes widened in alarm.

"Oh? Oh? _Oh_?! What the hell's wrong?"

"Well it looks like you'll be needing a double pram."

Though seemingly impossible, Grey's eyes widened more.

"Twins? We're having twins?" Santana asked, shocked.

"Yes, and by the looks of things, they appear to be identical."

The women looked at each other in alarm.

"B-but how?"

"Well unless Santana has a history of twins in her family-" she shook her head no, "-then your donor probably did."

"Damn perfect sperm." The doctor chuckled at the looks of surprise, shock and excitement on the features of both women.

"Would you like to know the sex?" He asked, breaking their trance.

"Please," the latina nodded.

"Well, ladies, you've got yourselves two boys." Grey's grin widened.

"Baby we have sons."

"Yes. Plural. We have two."

"More to love," Grey replied, kissing the back of her wife's hand.

_We're so not ready for this_, they thought at the same time.

0-0-0

"You're so beautiful," Grey whispered to the little boy in her arms. Joshua Antonio Berry was eight hours old. His brother, Rafael Leroy, was just four minutes younger. They had mostly Santana in their features, which meant Grey was already smitten by them both.

Lucy entered the room quietly, and as she sat down, Grey passed her the bundle in her arms, before picking up Rafael.

"I've called Rachel and Quinn, and they're on the first flight they can get," Lucy whispered to Grey.  
>"And I called Grandpa and Gramps, as well as Abuelo and Abuela, a while ago and they should be here any minute."<p>

"They're so perfect," Lucy cooed.

"Like their big sister," Grey replied, failing to stifle her yawn.

Suddenly, a distraction showed up in the form of Hiram and Leroy along with Dr and Mrs Lopez. Grey stood and kissed her fathers and in-laws hello, and they rushed over to see their grandchildren.

"He's gorgeous, Honey," Hiram said, kissing the top of Grey's head. He wiped tears from his eyes as Leroy held their grandson.

Somehow, Santana managed to stay asleep, that is, until Rachel and Quinn showed up, kids in tow. Tahlia was four, and little Jacob Hiram was two. Tahlia resembled Rachel more and more each day, while Jacob had inherited Quinn's blond locks and other features. They arrived shrieking Lucy's name. Rachel ran in after them, uncharacteristically disheveled, and Quinn soon followed, a protective hand over her baby bump. Everyone exchanged pleasantries, and Lucy managed to keep her cousins entertained, and more importantly, quiet.

"So tell us names," Mrs Lopez said, looking over her daughter's shoulder at her tiny grandson.

"Well Santana's holding Joshua Antonio, and Rachel's got Rafael Leroy." Both namesakes couldn't hold back their tears.

"So what are you going to call them?"

"Rafael will be Rafi," Santana supplied, "And Joshua will be Joshua."

"No he won't," Tony huffed, "He'll be Tony Junior."

"Papi, I swear to God if you call my son Tony-"

"Why don't we call him JT?" Lucy suggested, "he sounds badass."

"Language," Grey warned, before smiling. "I like it. JT and Rafiki."

"Grey," Santana whined, "How did you possibly manage to find a Disney related nickname in less than eight hours?"

"Why do you think I suggested the name in the first place?" the brunette joked.

* * *

><p>"How did this happen again?!" Santana stated loudly.<p>

"Well we _did _get the same donor. But seriously, what are the chances?"

"Very low," their doctor supplied, "you two seem extra lucky."

"Twins. Again. My god."

"But they're little girls this time."

"We're gonna have five kids. Five."

"Take a chill pill, honey. We'll be fine."

The babies were born the night before Lucy graduated from high school. Harper Sawyer and Charlotte Lee, and Grey was exhausted. The girls had inherited her features, and it was scary seeing her face on tiny bodies.

Despite Lucy telling her it was fine, and that her sisters were the best graduation present ever, Grey still felt guilty about not being able to watch her eldest graduate.

Santana was struggling without Grey at home, especially since both her sons had inherited her stubbornness.

"Come on, Rafi, just put on the tie, you'll look so handsome!"

"No, Mami, I wanna wear my Iron Man swimming trunks!"

"But kiddo, you have to look extra nice for your sister's big day." The four year old didn't look interested.

"I'll tell you what, Rafi. How about for Lucy's graduation, you wear your nice shirt and tie, and when _you_ graduate, you can wear your swimming trunks okay?"

The little boy nodded ecstatically, and Santana breathed a sigh of relief; he wouldn't remember her promise in fourteen years.

0-0-0

"So how's Sophomore year treating you, Kid?" Grey asked Lucy over skype.

"It's great. I'm having loads of fun, but I miss L.A., and I'm going through baby sisters withdrawals," Lucy answered with a pout. Grey laughed, trying not to wake her baby daughters. She failed. Harper started to cry, so Grey picked her up before she woke her sister. She opened her eyes, and yet again, they took Grey's breath away. She stared into her eyes- her father's eyes- copied exactly onto her daughter's face.

"Have you seen Quinn and Rach yet?"

"Nope."

"Lucy, you know how excited they were about you being in New York. Get your ass over there and visit them!" Lucy sighed dramatically, reminding Grey of Rachel.

"Fine! But if they make me babysit, so help me…" Grey chuckled. _"Oh hey" _Grey heard Lucy say.

"Who's that?" Grey asked.

"Just my roommate."

"Ooh! Introduce me!"

"No, Ma, go away!" Grey saw someone walk over to the screen and bend down.

"Hey, Mrs Lopez-Berry!" the girl called out. Grey smiled.

"Hey, girl, hey!" Lucy groaned, and her roommate laughed. The three of them talked for a while longer, before Grey bid them farewell and signed off. She sighed.

"Where's your other Mommy, huh, Harper?" Grey murmured to her daughter. As soon as she said it, Santana walked into their home, Rafi in one arm, JT in the other, both covered in what Grey desperately wished was mud.

"Mommy, we fell in the mud!"

"You little liar, Rafiki, you guys jumped!" The boys giggled, and Santana sighed. Grey could've sworn she heard Santana whisper "Garbage Faces" under her breath as she led them to the bathroom to get cleaned off.

* * *

><p>Their family was completed two years later. A newborn left on the steps of a Lima church on Christmas Eve, no information by his tiny side. With much deliberation, and using their connections to speed up the process, by the end of January, Rylan Julian Berry was a part of the Berry family: 20 year old Lucy, six year old Rafi and JT, two and a half year old Harper and Charlotte, and of course, Santana and Grey.<p>

_**Grey, it's clearly been a busy few years for you! The last time we spoke you had just adopted your first child, and now you have six kids?**_

_We were determined to have a family, and we got a big one. I'll tell you what; two sets of twins were definitely a surprise! But they're so amazing and they're each so different, our home is just constantly filled with laughter and, well, screaming._

_**So what are the kids like? There's Lucy?**_

_Lucy's our oldest. She's twenty-one and studying History at NYU. She's brilliant. She's so smart and dedicated to what she loves, and she was our lifesaver when we had our boys- she knew more about babies than we did!_

_**And after Lucy?**_

_Then there's Rafael- Rafi- and J.T. They're such cool kids. Honestly, I don't know how else to describe them. They're just… cool. They're funny and stubborn and always annoying their sisters. Rafi's more out going, I'd say, J.T's quieter and more reserved than his brother._

_**They're seven, and then your twin girls are…?**_

_They're nearly four. And they're such princesses. Harper's tough and fights with her big brothers, where Charlotte'll just, I don't know, throw a tea party. But they're both such girls, it's hilarious. Worrying about their clothes and if they should match or not. They also love to dress up Rylan, our youngest. That poor kid's always in a different outfit. I don't know why we have so many clothes._

_**I remember reading about Rylan and how you guys adopted him.**_

_Yeah, that was quite a Christmas. No-one was expecting _that_ gift. But he's been a blessing. It wasn't our first adoption, which meant that the process was sped up slightly because we were already approved, plus he was born with a heart condition that they knew would be better monitored if he were a part of a family._

_**And do you plan on adding any more into your brood?**_

_God no [laughs]. I love all of my kids, but I don't think I could handle another one._

* * *

><p>"Hey, bud, you ready?" Santana asked her youngest as she entered his room.<p>

"Yeah, Mami, I'm just putting on my tie," Rylan replied, fumbling to fix his tie properly. Santana smiled and ruffled his dark hair, not missing the sad look in her son's almost-black eyes.

"What's wrong, buddy?" she asked, her own eyes filled with concern.

"It's nothing…. I'm just gonna miss Rafi and J.T. when they're in college is all." Santana pulled the twelve-year-old in for a hug.

"I know you will, Ry, but we'll see them a lot. They're not going all the way to New York like when Lucy was in college, they'll be in California like us, so we'll probably be doing their laundry for them," Santana joked, and her son laughed.

"You ready to go, Babe?" Grey asked as Santana came down the stairs.

"Yes I am, honey. I just need my keys."

"Lucy called and said they'd meet us there." Santana nodded at the information.

"Harper! Charlotte! Come downstairs! Rylan, you too!" Santana called up the stairs. The three kids ran appeared and made their way down the stairs, and finally, the family piled into the car, driving to the local high school.

"Mom! Over here!" Lucy called out to her mother. Grey spotted her, and the family made their way over to their eldest daughter and her family, husband Jay, and sons, four-year-old Nate and two-year-old Lucas. Grey took her youngest grandson from Lucy, and placed him on her hips. Pleasantries were exchanged, and the large family made their way to their seats to watch the oldest two Berry Boys graduate.

After his class received their diplomas, Rafi stood, ready to deliver his valedictory speech.

"Teachers, parents, and fellow graduates, I welcome you. Before I go any further, I want to tell you a story about promises. When I was four, my older sister Lucy graduated, and I was forced into a suit and tie for the occasion. Now, she probably doesn't remember it, but my mother, Santana, swore to me that on my graduation day I could wear my Iron Man swimming trunks."

"Oh god," Santana muttered, "how the hell can he remember back that far?"

"When we're little, we're told we can do anything. We're told we can be the president, or an artist, or a fireman, or a dancer. Then you get a little older, and you're still allowed to want to be that, but we're told that, hey, being a fireman is dangerous, or being the president is hard. By the time we get to high school, we're not allowed to have these dreams because we need well-paying, responsible jobs.

Those promises made to us should be upheld. Yes, we can be the president. Yes, we can be an artist, or a fireman or whatever. And yes, we can go to our own graduation in our swimming trunks."

Rafi paused, and ripped off his graduation robes, revealing a short pair of swimming trunks and his chiseled chest.

"He's your son," Grey muttered to her wife, the both of them mortified. The auditorium roared in applause.

"The future _needs _artists and firemen and a president. And why shouldn't that be you? I was taught from a young age that we can do whatever we set our minds to, and that's the truth. If we want something hard enough, and we work like hell to get it, why can't we achieve our goals and aspirations? Why can't we be happy?

My fellow graduates, I have but one parting message for you all. Do something you love. Be happy. And good luck with your future endeavors."

Rafi accepted his diploma and walked off the stage, amidst a standing ovation.

Later that night, Santana and Grey lay in bed together. It had been a long day; after the ceremony they had all gone out to dinner.

"Santana?" Grey said into the darkness.

"Mrphrph?" Santana answered into her pillow.

"I'm proud of us."

"And why is that, dear?"

"Our kids are awesome. Rafi's speech today… it reminded me that we got what we wanted. I got everything I could've ever dreamed of." Santana leant over and kissed her wife passionately.

"You were always my dream, Grey. Everything after that has been extra blessings."

"You're amazing. I love you Spezz."

"… I'm never gonna outgrow that nickname, am I?" Grey laughed wickedly.

"Never."

"Well, I love you, too, Little B."

_End._

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **_**I just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who has read any part of this story. Your reviews, follows and favorites meant the world to me, and I appreciate every single one of them. **

**A massive thank you, and inter-state internet hugs to one of my best friends and betas, TriedToLie, who has helped me with this story since its beginning.**

**Keep an eye out, because I plan on writing more stories on this account soon.**

**Thank you all again, so so much,**

**L.H. Knox.**


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